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Bad Genie

Granted. You see yourself in Hell and me on the throne on the right side of Satan. Now pray for mercy!

I wish I could travel in time.
 
Granted. You now exist as subatomic particles and can exist in two places at once.

I wish to defeat Satan.
 
granted. now everything in the universe conforms to god's immaculately holy will.
which means no more fornication, gambling, exotic dancing, pot-smoking, masturbation, cussing, women usurping authority over men, etc.

i wish my mind had the processing power of a supercomputer
 
Granted. You gain speed, but, now your brain is much much more primitive than an average human brain with all that quadrillion synapses.

I wish I had a house on the Moon!
 
Granted. You have the drives but don't have the keys.

I wish I could understand this allegedly "perfect" will of GOD (no fornication, pot smoking, etc.).
 
Pillar said:
Granted. You have the drives but don't have the keys.

I wish I could understand this allegedly "perfect" will of GOD (no fornication, pot smoking, etc.).
Click to expand...
granted. you now understand the will of god, and - oh no! - its all so clear to you now, and you agree with it!
you are now just as much of a puritanical crusader as god is! his most devout follower!


i wish i could withstand blazing heat or fatal cold as if it were standard room temperature
 
Granted. Your nerves no longer exist and you can no longer feel anything, no pain, no pleasure.

I wish I could kill God and Satan and both their armies simultaneously.
 
Granted, now because you can kill something immortal we suddenly live in a universe where paradoxes are possible and logic has no meaning, and everything falls apart at the quantum seams....

I wish I could cum like a fire hose.
 
Granted. You get pushed off an airplane with skydiving gear that may or may not malfunction on you in order to overcome your fear.

I wish to know the truth.
 
Pillar said:
Granted. Your nerves no longer exist and you can no longer feel anything, no pain, no pleasure.

I wish I could kill God and Satan and both their armies simultaneously.
Click to expand...
Granted

But how are you going to deal with the left-overs? :)
 
Pillar said:
Granted. You get pushed off an airplane with skydiving gear that may or may not malfunction on you in order to overcome your fear.

I wish to know the truth.
Click to expand...
Granted - Come visit me in the here-after, and I'll tell you my truth!

I wish I could swallow a double edged sword!
 
Granted - you swallow that sword and you die.

I wish I could know the truth WHILE ALIVE.
 
Granted - You will know the truth, but the longer you know the truth, the less inteligent you will be

I wish i could increase a probability of something happening, just by thinking about that thing while crossing my fingers
 
Granted. You now suffer aphantasia and you can't think clearly about what you want anymore.

I wish I could meet God in person without dying.
 
granted. to meet god in person without dying, you must walk daily in a perfectly righteous and sinless life, so that you can be raptured into his kingdom and given an immortal body, and will have the honor of singing his praises for all eternity (and fighting as a soldier in the end-times war against the seven-headed dragon of Revelations).

i wish peoples' pants really did catch on fire when they lied
 
Granted. The flames last only 1 billionth of a second and are invisible to the naked eye.

I want to see God while alive and as a sinner.
 
Granted. To your surprise, God is an alien that hasn't been to earth in thousands of years. He happily dissects you.

I wish all the raindrops were lemondrops and gumdrops.
 
Granted, but the candy is molten hot and burns through everything it touches.

I wish stupid people no longer existed.
 
Granted, and now all the smart people are just ordinary crowd.

I want my wardrobe to be full of money.
 
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