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Bad Genie

granted. to meet god in person without dying, you must walk daily in a perfectly righteous and sinless life, so that you can be raptured into his kingdom and given an immortal body, and will have the honor of singing his praises for all eternity (and fighting as a soldier in the end-times war against the seven-headed dragon of Revelations).

i wish peoples' pants really did catch on fire when they lied
 
Granted. The flames last only 1 billionth of a second and are invisible to the naked eye.

I want to see God while alive and as a sinner.
 
Granted. To your surprise, God is an alien that hasn't been to earth in thousands of years. He happily dissects you.

I wish all the raindrops were lemondrops and gumdrops.
 
Granted, but the candy is molten hot and burns through everything it touches.

I wish stupid people no longer existed.
 
Granted, and now all the smart people are just ordinary crowd.

I want my wardrobe to be full of money.
 
Granted. The world no longer exists.

I wish that if I met that alien God that tried to dissect me I could kill him first.
 
granted. the interplanetary police department charges you with deicide

i wish that information from body language and tone of voice could be transmitted across internet forums, so what people were saying could be more easily interpreted than plain text
 
You get there and your Tour Guide is Benito Mussolini and he leads you right back out of hell.

I wish I could bring Anime characters to life.
 
Granted, but they only speak Japanese and not English

I wish it was possible to teleport to different places on a whim
 
Granted. It's the old style of fuel that's incompatible with newer vehicles.

I wish I had sex with women every day.
 
granted, but since big cat vaginas are so tight, you must be given a micropenis first


i wish that i could see back and forth through time (not actually go there and affect anything, just see it)
 
There's about 20 hours between when Shanoirll posted and you posted, how long does it take you to type? ?

Granted, your typing speed is now faster than the speed of sound, but you now have fractured fingers, ouch.

I wish ice wasn't so slippy.
 
Granted. Ice is now fragile and as sharp as glass. Let's see you walk on that. I wish to have it all without dying for it or being cursed for it.
 
Granted. Since no wish was declared, I granted that you'll never find anything fun. Just morosely depressing.

I wish zoophilia was the norm and the "normal" the pariah.
 
Granted. Zoophiles now live on a planet of their own. Now you'll have to rebuild the world from scratch.

I wish to go to Hell.
 
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