Bad Genie

[Ted Danson Machine]

Granted, your cork penis is so buoyant that when you try to bathe you cannot get in the tub, so you just have to splash water everywhere and hope for the best

I wish I could learn magic (not the card game)

 

[son1911]

Granted, you have now learnt how to pull an extremely buoyant cork penis from a hat.

I wish I didn't have to live in a hat.

 

[Ted Danson Machine]

Granted, you now live ON a hat

I wish I could make a really tall hat

 

[son1911]

Granted, it's so high you can't get down from it.

I wish the hat tilted and were placed in Pisa, a Pisa hat.

 

[Ted Danson Machine]

Granted, the Leaning Tower just fell on top of it and now it is a fedora

I wish I looked good in a fedora

 

[son1911]

Granted, here's a paper bag to cover your ugly face.

I wish I looked good in a foodora.

 

[Ted Danson Machine]

Granted, you were just eaten by a large predator

I wish I could steal the predators weapons to fight the Alien Queen

 

[acuriouslurker]

Granted, chloroform and candy did not intimidate Alien Queen and you got eaten.

I wish to be abducted by aliens.

 

[FloofyNewfie]

I wish to be abducted by aliens.

Granted... But...

you got eaten.

I wish that all the doggos and catos of the world found a loving home.

 

[acuriouslurker]

Granted, but they got too comfortable and banished all the humans to the streets. Posting from under a bridge now, thanks man.

I wish to only want to sleep when I choose to.

 

[FloofyNewfie]

Granted, but sleeping doesn't take away the feeling of tiredness.

I wish that I made $100 of passive income an hour.

 

[acuriouslurker]

Granted, too bad it's Monopoly money.

I wish to have friends.

 

[FloofyNewfie]

Granted, but they only exist inside of your head.

I wish acuriouslurker a nice day!

 

[acuriouslurker]

I wish acuriouslurker a nice day!

Granted, but same goes to FloofyNewfie

 

[acuriouslurker]

I wish to become a rap artist.

 

[FloofyNewfie]

Granted, but the genie misunderstood and you became a "wrap artist" that's good at wrapping gifts and nothing else.

I wish that my house cleaned itself automatically.

 

[acuriouslurker]

Granted, but it yeets all the trash and dirty dishes inside your car.

I wish to write a bestselling book.

 

[FloofyNewfie]

Granted, but it's a murder mystery novel that inspires all those that read it to commit murder.

I wish my vehicle had more horsepower.

 

[acuriouslurker]

Granted, but you now barely can drive from one gas station to the next one. Genie doesn't even need to be griefing you, that's just literally what will happen.

I wish to be able to read other peoples memories and thoughts.

 

[FloofyNewfie]

Granted, but each time you do you lose half an IQ points worth of intelligence.

I wish I could play basketball professionally.

 

[acuriouslurker]

Granted, but you lost your leg and it's a professional wheelchair basketball.

I wish to not disappoint my parents.

 

[FloofyNewfie]

Granted, you're abducted by an Aliens and they never see you again. They can't be disappointed if you're no longer here. (Hey, your earlier wish came true!)

I wish that I had a YouTube channel with 14.44 million subscribers.

 

[acuriouslurker]

Granted, but the sub count goes up to 14.88 and you get banned for extremism.

I

 

[acuriouslurker]

I

lol, i'll just leave it like that

 

[Ted Danson Machine]

Granted...ez clap

I wish I could go back in time and invest in Bitcoin

 

[MrsShemon]

Granted, back in time you traveled, have fun in the emptyness of space.

I wish I was much more funny than I am.

 

[Ted Danson Machine]

Granted, you turned into me.
I wish I could turn into a wolf

 

[MrsShemon]

Granted, now get over here.

I wish it was easier to tame a wolf.

 

[Ted Danson Machine]

Granted, you now are immobile around wolves and the tame themselves using you.

I wish I had a camera lol

 

[FloofyNewfie]

Granted, but it only has 0.00000001 megapixels.

I wish that I got paid to do nothing all day.