Bad Genie

[son1911]

Granted, but you will always walk into new ones.

I wish I had my ribs again.

 

[YIMBY]

Granted, the doctor hands them to you in a doggy bag.

I wish my dinner was ready right now.

 

[son1911]

Granted, but it's in a doggy bag in Sweden.

I wish I could make friends.

 

[YIMBY]

Granted, except... uh, but.... No, I can't joke about that one.

I wish I could.

 

[Ted Danson Machine]

Granted...you have a

I wish I understood when you animals talk lol

 

[son1911]

Granted, you are now Dr. Dolittle.

I wish for a new chair.

 

[Ted Danson Machine]

Granted, since I understood you, here you go. A brand new Hair. Not sure what one lemur needs with a single strand of hair, but I'm just a genie bruh
I wish I had the most amazing chair ever

 

[son1911]

Granted, here's my hair. I didn't know you wore a toupée.

I wish I were less naked.

 

[Ted Danson Machine]

Granted, one used toupee to cover your nudity coming up

I wish I wasn't bald by dumb wishes

 

[son1911]

Granted, you are now bald because of your cancer treatment.

I wish I could sing.

 

[YIMBY]

Granted...you have a

I have a what? A what?!

Granted, you can now sing castrato roles.

I wish I could fly a helicopter.

 

[Ted Danson Machine]

granted........hope you enjoy your helicopter while I am dying of cancer..........all i ever wanted was freedom

I wish I could be free!

 

[Ted Danson Machine]

I have a what? A what?!

Granted, you can now sing castrato roles.

I wish I could fly a helicopter.

well, your wish was incomplete when I wrote that, so the granting must sadly follow suit lol

 

[YIMBY]

My wish wasn't incomplete, it was directly related to my previous statement.

Granted, people can now take advantage of you at no cost.

I wish I could communicate more effectively.

 

[Ted Danson Machine]

Granted........you no longer refer back to previous statements when making MAGICAL FRIKKIN WISHES BRO!!
Sorry, I am a bad genie afterall
I wish people who took advantage of me for free would at least buy me dinner first

 

[son1911]

Granted, but you can't choose what to eat.

I wish I had my balls.

 

[YIMBY]

Granted, but now you have to deal with those hormones all the goddamn time.

I wish I could sing like Floofy, without losing my balls.

 

[son1911]

Granted, spread your legs and brace yourself for an incoming kick.

I wish I were less idle.

 

[Ted Danson Machine]

granted, you completely shut down so you waste petrol

I wish I knew who yoj was

 

[Ted Danson Machine]

Granted, but yoj can't choose what to eat.

I wish I had my balls.

who dat is lol

 

[son1911]

Granted, but I won't tell.

I wish I never made any mistakes.

 

[Ted Danson Machine]

Granted, now everyone just thinks you're arrogant

I wish I could see through other peoples eyes

 

[YIMBY]

Granted, you can now see through the eye sockets into their brains. ?

I wish all strains of influenza would just die out.

 

[Ted Danson Machine]

Granted, however The word influenza is the Italian word for "influence", and the genie translation matrix is buggy, so everyone is now lost without any goals or aspirations

I wish I could speak Italian

 

[son1911]

Granted, you now have a moustache.

Family Guy - Speaking Italian

very funny

m.youtube.com

I wish I had my hair.

 

[Ted Danson Machine]

Granted, here are my moustache clippings, they are now yours

I wish I could turn invisible

 

[YIMBY]

Granted, but it's done by light refraction so you either have to stumble around blind or be a pair of floating eyeballs.

I wish we were in a post-scarcity society.

 

[son1911]

Granted, but Postman Pat won't like you for this.

I wish I could see radiowaves.

 

[Ted Danson Machine]

Granted, the radio grows arms and waves at you

I wish I could talk to plants

 

[son1911]

Granted, you're home is now full of cacti. Talk to them.

I wish cacti exploded when you talk to them.