Top things not to say during sex

[MaeveHart01]

You know where key is to those cuffs, right?

 

[Tgzoogirl]

You know where key is to those cuffs, right?

Shit, I lost the keys. They must be here somewhere. *scrambles around looking for them*

 

[Pillar]

Sorry but there are no keys. I flushed them.

 

[420Fatty]

"Uhhhnggg, Fuck, I love you mom."

 

[Pillar]

Is it creepy if I go grab my knife?

 

[CK4957 STD]

In five seconds, Baby, I am going to scream louder than any human or animal you've ever heard
in your life.

One…two…

 

[420Fatty]

Mmmm, Let's move to Indiana.

 

[Ponylover764]

*doorbell rings*

Oh, the pizza is here!

 

[420Fatty]

Antibacterial soap won't help against a virus.

 

[CetaceanLover23]

Is that a pussy, or a jungle? Because I can't tell.

 

[Ponylover764]

You ordered a pizza with extra sausage?

 

[Painted Pony]

Here, let me put this paper bag over your head.

Someone actually made that offer to me.

 

[CetaceanLover23]

"Thank you grandpa!"

 

[Painted Pony]

*doorbell rings*

Oh, the pizza is here!

Mare: Oh, a bucket of sweet feed! (wanders off)
Me: (dick in hand) Oh,well. May as well call out for pizza.

 

[Pillar]

You make me have second thoughts.

 

[Painted Pony]

Oh hell, here she comes and I don't have you saddled yet!

 

[Pillar]

Are you sure you want me to bring the rope?

 

[Pillar]

You don't shower at all, do you?

 

[420Fatty]

You may well be the most boring person I've ever fucked. Seriously, do something more than just lay there and take it because this is starting to make me feel bad.

 

[Pillar]

You may well be the most boring person I've ever fucked. Seriously, do something more than just lay there and take it because this is starting to make me feel bad.

I would not feel offended if I ever got told this! Communication makes or breaks sex!

By the way, you should invite your girlfriends over.

 

[Pillar]

Please don't kill me!

 

[Zureta]

it seems you enjoyed the salad you just ate before, as I just found a piece of lettuce on my dick

 

[Ponylover764]

Did I lock the car doors?

 

[Pillar]

I need to find a sex toy. You're just so bad at this!

 

[Painted Pony]

I need to find a sex toy. You're just so bad at this!

I thought I WAS your sex toy!

 

[Painted Pony]

You were, but now I need one that works!

Ow! Ow! You stomped on my toe!

 

[Ponylover764]

I see your Schwarts is bigger then mine.

 

[FloofyNewfie]

Let me grab a clothes pin for my nose and a surgical mask for my mouth. You're pussy smells so wack, that I can almost taste it!

 

[Pillar]

So this is what it tastes like? Eww!

 

[Painted Pony]

(Try mare or ewe pussy. Once they know what is going on, they are very inviting.)