That’s a good question and I’m glad you asked.
It was most of the above for me… I think I was about 7 years old when I decided in wanted to find a wife. Idealistic little hippie tramp boy that I was I had no idea what that meant.
Fast forward to age 18 I finally got my first girlfriend! Man I was so happy, I didn’t even care that I didn’t find her the most attractive I just wanted someone to be close with and after the first 3 years of high school being spent striking out with girls left and right there was no alternative and I was prepared to give her 1000% but oh boy am I glad I never had to.
She turned out to be psycho and looking back I realized what she did was coerce me for sex! That never happens to boys, does it? The sex Ed department is so outdated they never taught boys how to avoid sexual abuse.
I put up with her crazy shit for two months, on again off again, fucking each other’s brains out whenever we got together and then parting on terrible terms.
Ultimately that left me very bitter and in the 5 years that followed I was very caught up in pursuing a wildlife career so I didn’t manage more than about 3 other dates which I struck out on but then early this year I met a girl and she seemed so pleasant and we had so much in common I decided I’d go for it and take a chance on her even though it was really really hard to get past the walls I’d built around myself.
We chatted and hung out and it was always great, I was so excited to be with her and it felt like nothing could go wrong. I even got an STD test (which was a waste of $300 because I hadn’t had sex in 3 years) and then out of the blue she just… ghost me.
I don’t think that cowardice counts as a mental illness but in my mind people like her need professional help. She really fucked up because I have ever intention of being a devout partner.
That and all my other romantic misadventures was enough to convince me I needed to quit it. Man I was so angry but then phase II of what pushed me to becoming zoo exclusive happened the same month though I didn’t recognize it until much later. That was the passing of my friend’s female GSD who I’d become very close (non-sexual) with.
I’d been wanting a dog for a few years now in a zoophilic capacity but hadn’t been quite able to fully commit but after she left a hole in my heart I knew that I was indeed fit to be an active zoo in that I’d be able to love an animal partner regardless of sexual benefits.
Phase III was becoming a part of this community. Since I joined I haven’t once had a sexual fantasy about a human. That’s something I’ve finally grown out of and the more I think about it the more I wonder if I ever really did want a wife.
Anyway, I’m now going to be welcoming a shepherd pup into my life soon and she’s already all I can think about. I know she won’t question the fact that I love her entirely and she won’t test me on that or manipulate me. Sure she may do other things that I find irritating but if chewing up the couch is the my biggest concern then that’s a pretty beautiful thing isn’t it? I firmly believe true love for me at least only exists between my mom, my sister and my animal companions.
