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Met up with someone, horrible experience

GAThrawn

GAThrawn

Citizen of Zooville
And before I begin, it is NOT what you think it's going to be. That outcome might have been preferable.

I met someone on these boards (with a decent amount of posts) from the same New England region as myself so I PMd him, then we started talking on Telegram and became friends. He kept giving me advice on this lifestyle, we kept sharing personal details about ourselves, he gave me pics. I'm on vacation for the week, so I asked if he and I could meet up with his dogs. We were going to a public place first to get used to each other and then check into a hotel for a few hours...if anything happened, great, if not, oh well.

Today was the big day and one I had been waiting two weeks for. He actually showed up at the public place with his amazing dogs (a GSD and a malamute). He was actually who he said he was and so was his dogs. So we walked for a while and then he asked for the hotel address so he could meet me there in a few after he did something. I got there, checked in, paid $800 for the two of us, and sat down and waited. And waited. And waited. I messaged him letting him know it's all set, no reply although he did look at it. Then he presumably blocked me on Telegram as his profile pic disappeared and it wouldn't send any of my messages. Bottom line is, he never showed up. He was leading me on this entire time, pretending to be my friend. I really wanted a zoo friend who I could talk to and meet up in the future that may or may not lead to sexual activities with a dog.

How do I deal with this? I have no more trust with owners now, even when it's someone from this very board who knows what it's like to be me. And now I'm losing confidence in my zoo self. I'm getting an intact female very soon but now I'll just be thinking about this moment that passed, wondering if being a zoo is the right thing for me. Even after all of this. And the irony in all of this is that this guy specifically told me that I worry too much, and then he proves my worrying right. And even after all this hurt he put me through, I still didn't mention him by username, although he'll know who he is when he reads this.
 
Sorry to hear that happened to you. I would be awfully put out if something like that happened to me. I'm relatively new to the lifestyle (kind of, it's actually been a lifelong theme now that I look back on it). I think you just have to accept that some people aren't what they seem, but if you keep an eye out, you'll find some true friends eventually.
 
Stuff like this are one of the things that makes many of us be loyal to our animals and don't seek humans too much. I am sorry you have had this experience. There will always be assholes in the world, not all of us are like that, but you probably should always count on the worst possible outcome when meeting strangers from online. That way, you can only be possitively surprised. Since you're getting a dog yourself, I suppose you will no longer be in a search of hook-up, which is great, as I believe that is much easier, and also valuable, to find actual friend, who is zoo themselves, caring about their animals well enough not to let strangers be intimate with them. Potential owners, who offer people good time with animals, are too often creepy, shady people. Be safe out there, being a zoophile makes an easy prey from us, and there are too many people who want to take advantage of it.

Edit - oh well, I am very glad we got to see the point of view from the other side..
 
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GAThrawn said:
And before I begin, it is NOT what you think it's going to be. That outcome might have been preferable.

I met someone on these boards (with a decent amount of posts) from the same New England region as myself so I PMd him, then we started talking on Telegram and became friends. He kept giving me advice on this lifestyle, we kept sharing personal details about ourselves, he gave me pics. I'm on vacation for the week, so I asked if he and I could meet up with his dogs. We were going to a public place first to get used to each other and then check into a hotel for a few hours...if anything happened, great, if not, oh well.

Today was the big day and one I had been waiting two weeks for. He actually showed up at the public place with his amazing dogs (a GSD and a malamute). He was actually who he said he was and so was his dogs. So we walked for a while and then he asked for the hotel address so he could meet me there in a few after he did something. I got there, checked in, paid $800 for the two of us, and sat down and waited. And waited. And waited. I messaged him letting him know it's all set, no reply although he did look at it. Then he presumably blocked me on Telegram as his profile pic disappeared and it wouldn't send any of my messages. Bottom line is, he never showed up. He was leading me on this entire time, pretending to be my friend. I really wanted a zoo friend who I could talk to and meet up in the future that may or may not lead to sexual activities with a dog.

How do I deal with this? I have no more trust with owners now, even when it's someone from this very board who knows what it's like to be me. And now I'm losing confidence in my zoo self. I'm getting an intact female very soon but now I'll just be thinking about this moment that passed, wondering if being a zoo is the right thing for me. Even after all of this. And the irony in all of this is that this guy specifically told me that I worry too much, and then he proves my worrying right. And even after all this hurt he put me through, I still didn't mention him by username, although he'll know who he is when he reads this.
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Sorry you got burned, but... <shrug> What can I say? This sort of thing is *PRECISELY* why I won't even consider the concept of a meetup anymore, either as "visitor" or "visited". Too damned many flakes out there.

As for not naming names, it's my opinion that you should do *EXACTLY* that, if only to give a warning that might help keep somebody else from getting burnt the same way. That kind WILL pull the same shit again.
 
Sounds like you got pwnd by someone working with LE?
 
I feel bad for you and what has happened to you by nefarious individuals. incidents like what has happened to you makes hard for people to interact and create a new connection.
 
This sort of thing is going to happen. It may have been deliberate, it may have been he chickened out at the last minute. It sounds as if you'll never know. When I met miz Forever, I was in constant phone contact with a gal Id been talking to for hours every day, She flew into the wrong airport and had to drive 2 hours to get to the Hotel. I was never off the phone, even though I was working....She checked into the Hotel, found the room, told me where the parking lot was....she even took a shower with the phone on Speaker in the bathroom. The Garage was underground...five floors. Naturally the phone went dead. I parked, made my way to the lobby....no more than five minutes....and redialed....
She was in tears and a Tizzy because when she lost contact, she thought Id stood her up. Five minutes and she'd convinced herself it wasnt happening.
Happy Ending....She threw her arms around me at the door, and it was probably twenty minutes before we broke lip contact long enough to ask if I could take off my Stetson....and close the damn door.
The point is...Dont stop trying. But get to REALLY know the person.

I am curious, though....OP....for a first meet, an 800 dollar Hotel? All by itself that might have convinced your friend he was out of his league.
 
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saddlebum66 said:
This sort of thing is going to happen. It may have bee deliberate, it may have been he chickened out at the last minute. It sounds as if you'll never know. When I met mz Forever, I eas in constant phone contact with a gal Id been talking to for hours every day, She flew into the wrong airport and had to drive 2 hours to get to the Hotel. I was never off the phone, even though I was working....She checked into the Hotel, found the room, told me where the parking lot was....she even took a shower with the phone on Speaker in the bathroom. The Garage was underground...five floors. Naturally the phone went dead. I parked, made my way to the lobby....no more than five minutes....and redialed....
She eas in tears and a Tizzy because whrn she lost contact, she thought Id stood her up. Five minutes and she'd convinced herself it wasnt happening.
Happy Ending....She threw her arms around me at the door, and it was probably twenty minutes before we broke lip contact long enough to ask if I could take off my Stetson....and close the damn door.
The point is...Dont stop trying. But get to REALLY know the person.

I am curious, though....OP....for a first meet, an 800 dollar Hotel? All by itself that might have convinced your friend he was out of his league.
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To be fair, he didn't know what it cost. I had never told him. He had never stayed in a hotel before. And I didn't even know it was that expensive. I was sure it was only $400 but I guess adding a 2nd room doubled the cost. But it's Boston, everything is so damned expensive there.
 
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Zen said:
Sounds like you got pwnd by someone working with LE?
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I highly doubt he was law enforcement. For one, I was never arrested. For two, he didn't show up at the one place where things WOULD have gone down. Also, he literally sent me pictures of him jerking his dog and showing off his girl's vulva. And our conversations would have been a LOT of effort for someone to try to fake. And he and his dogs were just like described. It made no sense, he drove an hour and a half just for a 10 minute rock climb? At first I thought he might have went to the wrong hotel or something, or got stuck in traffic. But I waited for an hour, and that's when I called it quits. He was adamant he would not cancel either. And he was talking about our meets being a frequent thing so that I can eventually visit his house (his GSD would kill me if I tried to go there until he knows who I am) Even if he chickened out, there was no guarantee anything sexual would even happen so that was bizarre. I was so excited for a potential first experience and when we met up initially I got so optimistic. I'm waiting to see if he resumes contact this week and offers an explanation and apology. We did hit it off really well :( And on top of all that, HE made the first move. He was the one who asked me to PM him.
 
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Wow buddy not really sure. I guess try and recover as well as move on. If you need someone to talk with feel free to DM me bud. Sorry that this happened to you.
 
That sucks for sure. But like what most say. Get to know a person better first. The sketchy type are everywhere. But to keep it at a minimum. One night deals are not the best idea. Nor is paying everything yourself. Shit I’d make him pay half of what you paid to at least keep him invested in the ordeal.
 
Bloodwolf said:
That sucks for sure. But like what most say. Get to know a person better first. The sketchy type are everywhere. But to keep it at a minimum. One night deals are not the best idea. Nor is paying everything yourself. Shit I’d make him pay half of what you paid to at least keep him invested in the ordeal.
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I agree. Its important to become friends before zoo buddies. Its always nice knowing that you both share the same interests. Friendships should be built on a solid foundation.
 
Well, I guess it happened, and you best try to put it behind you. It was a costly adventure, but nobody got hurt. You came out on the other end and maybe wiser?
 
GAThrawn said:
To be fair, he didn't know what it cost. I had never told him. He had never stayed in a hotel before. And I didn't even know it was that expensive. I was sure it was only $400 but I guess adding a 2nd room doubled the cost. But it's Boston, everything is so damned expensive there.
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I see... Two rooms makes a little more sense. Boston is a pretty expensive place. Still, the whole scenario is daunting if you're new to it.
You should give up on that one, of course, but it doesnt mean you can't find someone. Learn from the situation and get on with living.
 
I'm sorry you had this disappointing experience, @GAThrawn. By that I mean meeting in real and then being ghosted right there without an explanation.

It's a bad idea to expect or even hope for anything sexual to happen on a first meeting in my opinion. You don't really say you did, but getting a hotel room with the dogs and all ... You know, the other person just met you and neither of you even had the time to reflect for themselves how it went and aligned with their expectations and whether they want to progress from there. Even if you really like each other in person and enjoy the time together and could have a great friendship, the other person may realize that there is no sexual tension between them and you and how weird it would be to dive into a sexual experience together and bring their partners into this that they do have intimate feelings for. Suddenly the sexual expectation is standing between you and in the way of a developing friendship. And this is even worse, if anything sexual happening would be illegal where you live, which means a huge amount of extra risk and pressure in that situation. Mind that the risk is mostly on the one who has an animal and the animal.

The step from sharing fantasies into sharing intimacy in reality can be a huge leap.

Not being open about it would be coward and somewhat shitty from the other person, but maybe you can still learn from it more than distrust in other people. Low expectations mean less pressure and not just less disappointment, but actually a better chance for things to grow from there.

Here's something I don't understand:
GAThrawn said:
And now I'm losing confidence in my zoo self. I'm getting an intact female very soon but now I'll just be thinking about this moment that passed, wondering if being a zoo is the right thing for me.
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How does being a zoo depend on your experience with other people? Maybe you mean something different when you say "zoo" than I do, but being attracted to animals isn't a choice in my understanding, and – unlike most other preferences – has literally nothing to do with human beings except for yourself. In case this is mostly a fetish thing for you, then ... well, yeah ... then it may be better to let it go.
 
Sounds like his WIFE reminded him that their kid’s ballet recital was that evening. I think you got off lucky. Next time, ask the one sending you pics to send one of his left hand.
 
Whaaaaat? Not like I have any experience but... isn't that the least probable moment for such thing to happen? Weird.
 
Ruben said:
I'm sorry you had this disappointing experience, @GAThrawn. By that I mean meeting in real and then being ghosted right there without an explanation.

It's a bad idea to expect or even hope for anything sexual to happen on a first meeting in my opinion. You don't really say you did, but getting a hotel room with the dogs and all ... You know, the other person just met you and neither of you even had the time to reflect for themselves how it went and aligned with their expectations and whether they want to progress from there. Even if you really like each other in person and enjoy the time together and could have a great friendship, the other person may realize that there is no sexual tension between them and you and how weird it would be to dive into a sexual experience together and bring their partners into this that they do have intimate feelings for. Suddenly the sexual expectation is standing between you and in the way of a developing friendship. And this is even worse, if anything sexual happening would be illegal where you live, which means a huge amount of extra risk and pressure in that situation. Mind that the risk is mostly on the one who has an animal and the animal.

The step from sharing fantasies into sharing intimacy in reality can be a huge leap.

Not being open about it would be coward and somewhat shitty from the other person, but maybe you can still learn from it more than distrust in other people. Low expectations mean less pressure and not just less disappointment, but actually a better chance for things to grow from there.

Here's something I don't understand:

How does being a zoo depend on your experience with other people? Maybe you mean something different when you say "zoo" than I do, but being attracted to animals isn't a choice in my understanding, and – unlike most other preferences – has literally nothing to do with human beings except for yourself. In case this is mostly a fetish thing for you, then ... well, yeah ... then it may be better to let it go.
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The hotel room was actually his idea so that we could take it slow. I only wanted to go to his house and not even for anything sexual to be a guarantee, but his shepherd would maul me if he didn't know who I was so he wanted to meet at a public place first and go on a walk, which we did, and then go to a hotel. Two rooms, so he would take his shepherd into the one while I would be with the overly friendly malamute who's a "champion French kisser." And all he had to do, when I asked him if we reached that point of our friendship yet, was say no and to give it time. Why even meet me at all if he wasn't going to go through with it? And bring his dogs too? What he drove and what he was wearing was exactly as described too. Something seems very off about this whole thing. Why would he keep up this charade for over a month? Just to make me spend money on a hotel room? I never even asked to fuck his dogs (or himself, in fact I made it clear that I am not interested in sex with humans and that our friendship would be just that) at any time during our chats.

And he continuously kept giving me advice for living as a zoo and what to do and what not to do, including what to look for in buying a dog, so now I don't know if he was leading me astray in that either. I guess that's what I meant by the one segment you quoted. He was actually being a really good friend too so the fact this came out of nowhere was even more shocking.
 
Well just my opinion is that maybe as most owner think hey I am getting nothing out of this so why should I care. Most owner ( not me) want either money, sex, combo or something out of it beside just knowing the other person.
 
As a younger man I had a couple of incidents happen that taught me some valuable lessons.

I once had a jealous husband when he realized that his wife was actually serious about getting mounted by my dog pull a gun and threatened to shoot everyone in the room and he might have if the dog wouldn't have bitten the fire out of him. To this day I haven't been back to Houston.

Another time a woman turned into a stalker. It took a while and a few threats to be finally rid of her.

You live and learn. I'm A LOT smarter and way more cautious now.
 
It really sucks that this happened to you....like really really sucks but don't let it fully discourage you and make you think this is how everyone will act because that's not the case. Up until the person not showing up part I went through the same thing as you....I met someone in a park like setting....met their dog, which was also a gsd, walked with them talked and then they went to their hotel and I met them there and we completed a date that was absolutely perfect. I'm not saying it to brag I'm telling you that good things can come from these experiences.... people on here may look down or criticize others who meet other people to spend time with their animals but don't listen to them....yes there is risk....you run into people who are not serious.....you get situations like your but that is not what everyone will do. Something will good come....just weed through the bad until that opportunity strikes.
 
Really didn’t want to post this but y’all need to see the other side.
First off, I am the person OP is referring to. The one who “ghosted” him.
Most of what he said was true. Yes we did chat a lot, yes I did agree to meet up. It was his idea to meet up, not mine. I figured I’d give it a shot, but I didn’t like the idea of anyone coming to my house or knowing where I live. I put my safety and my dogs safety above all others. So I suggested the hotel room where we could chill. Maybe play video games or something. That somehow turned into a sexual meetup, which I was not ok with and it got away from me. We got along well and OP seemed cool so I more or less went along with it. I said fuck it, I’ll give it a shot. As OP said, I sympathize with those who can’t have a dog for whatever reason and I wanted to help. So we agree on a date and time and the whole hotel thing...which I had absolutely no idea it would cost $800. That’s behind insane. All the ones I looked at were sub-$100. Regardless, we kept talking and OP kept mentioning things he was gonna try with my dog. Asked me to trim his ass hairs so he could try anal. This gave me the worst knot in my stomach. The idea of someone else fucking MY dog...nope, didn’t like that. But it somehow got away from me and I didn’t end it when I should have. The blame there is on me.
But I figured I’d give the meet up a shot, he seemed cool in chat so maybe he was IRL too. So fast forward to the meet...I’m just gonna be 100% honest dude, you sketched me the fuck out. Like you honestly made me genuinely nervous. You didn’t say a god damn word to me. I tried to talk to you, ask you questions, start a conversation with you as normal people do when they meet for the first time...you said maybe 3 whole words in the hour that we were there. You followed way far behind me and stared at my dogs the whole time. You didn’t make a single effort to engage with me. I dropped my dogs leash by accident not 3 inches from your foot and you just stood there and watched as he ran away. Not to mention my shep kept alerting to you. He sensed something off and I trust his gut on that. I don’t know what else to say other than you sketched me out. Obviously you were nervous or awkward, whatever. I get that. I’ve met up with a couple other zoos who were just as nervous and awkward if not more, and within 10 mins we were talking and having a full conversation and they met my dogs and now we’re cool. We got over that. My biggest thing and the reason I don’t go out of my way to meet people from this damn site is because people only want to use me for my dogs. And from my perspective, that’s the same impression I got from you. You were genuine in your chats, but our IRL experience said otherwise. Anyone can fake being nice or fake a personality behind a chat. It’s how they act in perish that shows who they really are. I don’t like the way I handled things, I do apologize for that. But I didnt know what to do. I talked to a few of my zoo friends, and they agreed with me. So I went with my gut. Like I’ve told you 100 times before, I will never put my dogs safety at risk or put them in a bad situation. NEVER. Again, I’m sorry how things turned out. I’m sorry that you wasted money on gas and the room. Had you told me you were gonna spend $800 I would’ve told you to find a different hotel. But you didn’t tell me. I’m sorry for all of it, but i did what I thought was right for me and my dogs. Hate me or don’t, i don’t care. There’s always 2 sides...
 
Okami said:
Really didn’t want to post this but y’all need to see the other side.
First off, I am the person OP is referring to. The one who “ghosted” him.
Most of what he said was true. Yes we did chat a lot, yes I did agree to meet up. It was his idea to meet up, not mine. I figured I’d give it a shot, but I didn’t like the idea of anyone coming to my house or knowing where I live. I put my safety and my dogs safety above all others. So I suggested the hotel room where we could chill. Maybe play video games or something. That somehow turned into a sexual meetup, which I was not ok with and it got away from me. We got along well and OP seemed cool so I more or less went along with it. I said fuck it, I’ll give it a shot. As OP said, I sympathize with those who can’t have a dog for whatever reason and I wanted to help. So we agree on a date and time and the whole hotel thing...which I had absolutely no idea it would cost $800. That’s behind insane. All the ones I looked at were sub-$100. Regardless, we kept talking and OP kept mentioning things he was gonna try with my dog. Asked me to trim his ass hairs so he could try anal. This gave me the worst knot in my stomach. The idea of someone else fucking MY dog...nope, didn’t like that. But it somehow got away from me and I didn’t end it when I should have. The blame there is on me.
But I figured I’d give the meet up a shot, he seemed cool in chat so maybe he was IRL too. So fast forward to the meet...I’m just gonna be 100% honest dude, you sketched me the fuck out. Like you honestly made me genuinely nervous. You didn’t say a god damn word to me. I tried to talk to you, ask you questions, start a conversation with you as normal people do when they meet for the first time...you said maybe 3 whole words in the hour that we were there. You followed way far behind me and stared at my dogs the whole time. You didn’t make a single effort to engage with me. I dropped my dogs leash by accident not 3 inches from your foot and you just stood there and watched as he ran away. Not to mention my shep kept alerting to you. He sensed something off and I trust his gut on that. I don’t know what else to say other than you sketched me out. Obviously you were nervous or awkward, whatever. I get that. I’ve met up with a couple other zoos who were just as nervous and awkward if not more, and within 10 mins we were talking and having a full conversation and they met my dogs and now we’re cool. We got over that. My biggest thing and the reason I don’t go out of my way to meet people from this damn site is because people only want to use me for my dogs. And from my perspective, that’s the same impression I got from you. You were genuine in your chats, but our IRL experience said otherwise. Anyone can fake being nice or fake a personality behind a chat. It’s how they act in perish that shows who they really are. I don’t like the way I handled things, I do apologize for that. But I didnt know what to do. I talked to a few of my zoo friends, and they agreed with me. So I went with my gut. Like I’ve told you 100 times before, I will never put my dogs safety at risk or put them in a bad situation. NEVER. Again, I’m sorry how things turned out. I’m sorry that you wasted money on gas and the room. Had you told me you were gonna spend $800 I would’ve told you to find a different hotel. But you didn’t tell me. I’m sorry for all of it, but i did what I thought was right for me and my dogs. Hate me or don’t, i don’t care. There’s always 2 sides...
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in your defense, i would've most likely stopped all contact after "trim your dog's ass hair, i wanna try anal" like it's the random's call what the dog in question wants. one of many reasons why never meet with "i totally want to bone a dog, but can't have one. what a bummer" ppl, they most likely only seen one on a picture. selfish assholes.

i hope noone's gonna try to shame you or something...
 
nekdoneco123 said:
in your defense, i would've most likely stopped all contact after "trim your dog's ass hair, i wanna try anal" like it's the random's call what the dog in question wants. one of many reasons why never meet with "i totally want to bone a dog, but can't have one. what a bummer" ppl, they most likely only seen one on a picture. selfish assholes.

i hope noone's gonna try to shame you or something...
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The things is, I’m a nice guy. I know what it’s like to not have a dog, it’s the fucking worst. And I don’t want anyone to feel that pain. So naturally, I want to help. As long as they’re cool and trustworthy. But when I stop and think about it...I’m the only in with anything to lose. People are only out to take advantage of the nice guy. That’s life.

People can try and shame me. I don’t really care. I did what I felt was right. My dogs are sleeping next to me safe and sound. That’s all I care about.
 
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