That's a real fear for most of us and I don't think most of us have any chance of elliminating it entirely, but I think it's manageable with forethought.
When I see a report of someone being caught it's almost always them fencehopping or them being seen by someone. If you don't fencehop, there's not much risk of appearing on someone else's cameras. If we take care to secure our environment and ensure random people can't see us and perhaps take the extra steps of protecting against nosey neighbors we can reduce a lot of that significantly, but as said it's never 100%.
Finding our path isn't easy for anyone and I think it's a bit harder for zoos sometimes because our very nature is often seen as a negative in the surrounding culture.
I struggled with accepting it when I was younger, kept thinking it would all go away when I met the right person, but it didn't. I never really felt ashamed of it as it just seemed "normal" to me as I don't feel there's anything wrong with two beings enjoying the intimate company of one another; we're adults, nobody's harmed, and we engage in a mutually pleasurable activity.