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Dealing with shame

I

I❤️Horses

Tourist
Hey. I created this account a few years ago but haven’t been on because of shame and fear of being found out. Tonight I couldn’t take it anymore and came on here. As the name implies I love horses both mares and stallions. I’ve never done anything irl. I’m at a very low point and wanted to hear how y’all deal with feeling disgusting with yourself.

Feeling of guilt

New zoos, old zoos -- doesn't matter. Most of us have been there. Questioning if we're doing something wrong, if we're "bad." Well, that's a personal question, a matter that depends on the individual, their upbringing, their belief system and... whether they can reconcile all that. Most likely...
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I spent a long time in the closet with many human beards and finally came to terms with who I was after some cultural digging, work with psychedelic plant medicines and the death of my husband, Einstein. My thought process is something akin to what I've written below when I'm having a difficult time:

First off, breathe. You are whole. Your sexuality is valid and you are in a safe place to discuss what matters to you. Ultimately, you have one life to live - one vessel to inhabit. No matter the fear we have about living our authentic lives, it is meaningless in the face of a life left unawakened / unaware. Your heart knows the way.
 
Watakame said:
I spent a long time in the closet with many human beards and finally came to terms with who I was after some cultural digging, work with psychedelic plant medicines and the death of my husband, Einstein. My thought process is something akin to what I've written below when I'm having a difficult time:

First off, breathe. You are whole. Your sexuality is valid and you are in a safe place to discuss what matters to you. Ultimately, you have one life to live - one vessel to inhabit. No matter the fear we have about living our authentic lives, it is meaningless in the face of a life left unawakened / unaware. Your heart knows the way.
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Thank you. That helps a lot
 
I❤️Horses said:
Hey. I created this account a few years ago but haven’t been on because of shame and fear of being found out. Tonight I couldn’t take it anymore and came on here. As the name implies I love horses both mares and stallions. I’ve never done anything irl. I’m at a very low point and wanted to hear how y’all deal with feeling disgusting with yourself.
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In the immortal words of some-one - "Feel the fear and do it anyway!" .... the clock's a counting down :gsd_happysmile:
 
I❤️Horses said:
I know but I still do. It’s not logical
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I find thinking about my internal conflicts from various aspects is often helpful and few things help me really think than engaging with others about the issue; that said, can you elaborate on the feelings? Do you feel there's any valididty to th feelings of shame or just left over hangups from upbringing or society?
 
egoldstein said:
I find thinking about my internal conflicts from various aspects is often helpful and few things help me really think than engaging with others about the issue; that said, can you elaborate on the feelings? Do you feel there's any valididty to th feelings of shame or just left over hangups from upbringing or society?
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It’s partially fear of being found out. Also it may also be upbringing in a very strict family
 
I❤️Horses said:
It’s partially fear of being found out. Also it may also be upbringing in a very strict family
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That's a real fear for most of us and I don't think most of us have any chance of elliminating it entirely, but I think it's manageable with forethought.
When I see a report of someone being caught it's almost always them fencehopping or them being seen by someone. If you don't fencehop, there's not much risk of appearing on someone else's cameras. If we take care to secure our environment and ensure random people can't see us and perhaps take the extra steps of protecting against nosey neighbors we can reduce a lot of that significantly, but as said it's never 100%.

Finding our path isn't easy for anyone and I think it's a bit harder for zoos sometimes because our very nature is often seen as a negative in the surrounding culture.

I struggled with accepting it when I was younger, kept thinking it would all go away when I met the right person, but it didn't. I never really felt ashamed of it as it just seemed "normal" to me as I don't feel there's anything wrong with two beings enjoying the intimate company of one another; we're adults, nobody's harmed, and we engage in a mutually pleasurable activity.
 
egoldstein said:
That's a real fear for most of us and I don't think most of us have any chance of elliminating it entirely, but I think it's manageable with forethought.
When I see a report of someone being caught it's almost always them fencehopping or them being seen by someone. If you don't fencehop, there's not much risk of appearing on someone else's cameras. If we take care to secure our environment and ensure random people can't see us and perhaps take the extra steps of protecting against nosey neighbors we can reduce a lot of that significantly, but as said it's never 100%.

Finding our path isn't easy for anyone and I think it's a bit harder for zoos sometimes because our very nature is often seen as a negative in the surrounding culture.

I struggled with accepting it when I was younger, kept thinking it would all go away when I met the right person, but it didn't. I never really felt ashamed of it as it just seemed "normal" to me as I don't feel there's anything wrong with two beings enjoying the intimate company of one another; we're adults, nobody's harmed, and we engage in a mutually pleasurable activity.
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Idk if this means it’s a fetish to me, but when I watch zoo porn, it’s the most beautiful thing in the world but after I cum I feel guilty
 
If you truly feel love for horses then you care about them and only want to bring pleasure into their life. It's definitely more difficult for people who can't have a mate however that basic fact remains the same. A mare or stallion will love you regardless but being ones mate forms a deeper connection than any normal person can have with an animal. You have nothing to be ashamed of and the opinions of the rest of society don't matter and you shouldn't take them to heart.
 
MypupandI69 said:
If you truly feel love for horses then you care about them and only want to bring pleasure into their life. It's definitely more difficult for people who can't have a mate however that basic fact remains the same. A mare or stallion will love you regardless but being ones mate forms a deeper connection than any normal person can have with an animal. You have nothing to be ashamed of and the opinions of the rest of society don't matter and you shouldn't take them to heart.
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I do truly love horses. And I’d be honored to be a mate to one. I’m so sad it won’t happen though
 
That's okay though I'm sure that you'll still get many chances to have experiences with them. You'll still be bringing them pleasure along with yourself. You may not be able to form close bonds that way but you can still show them love and respect.
 
MypupandI69 said:
That's okay though I'm sure that you'll still get many chances to have experiences with them. You'll still be bringing them pleasure along with yourself. You may not be able to form close bonds that way but you can still show them love and respect.
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Thanks. This really helps
 
Now all you can do is keep interacting on here and make a few friends along the way. Hopefully you'll build a trusting friendships with an owner or two and get to meet with them and their mates. Be patient, and be careful about who you trust you'll get there eventually.
 
MypupandI69 said:
Now all you can do is keep interacting on here and make a few friends along the way. Hopefully you'll build a trusting friendships with an owner or two and get to meet with them and their mates. Be patient, and be careful about who you trust you'll get there eventually.
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Yeah. I make friends easily online but irl idk who to trust. Thanks for your words of encouragement
 
I❤️Horses said:
Yeah. I make friends easily online but irl idk who to trust. Thanks for your words of encouragement
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i dont know who to trust either so I havent made friends in years because of feeling threatened and being relentlessly degraded and watched and questioned about everything i do and say like they are looking for something wrong with me. you cant even blink to make your eyes stop burning or people treat you like you are mentally ill or criminal. have to keep editing my posts because if I dont say this exactly right theyll use that on me too right?

now i have ptsd but I probably had it a while. instead of being supportive I was attacked and people pretend to support me by being manipulative instead because they think they are hot shit and smarter than everybody. so now im sure im being mocked because they dont take me seriously but they only take me seriously when they want an excuse to ruin me more. theres something wrong with people seriously.
so I cant really be disguested with myself im just feeling threatened like im living in enemy territory in my own home.
i dont know how you feel disgusted with yourself because i know there are other people who should feel disgusted by themselves for how they treat us for our attraction and what they do to people because of it, but they enjoy it instead.

i dont know you, so i dont know why you feel disgusted but i know what people are like because they say they are not like that but they really are because they are trying to get us to focus on what they think is their good side but its their bad side thats out to get us, so they are creeping around trying to get behind us where we wont see them for what they are.

thats why i cant feel disgusted. its not something I do anything to deal with, I just cant because feeling disgusted of myself is not right.
 
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widget46 said:
i dont know who to trust either so I havent made friends in years because of feeling threatened and being relentlessly degraded and watched and questioned about everything i do and say like they are looking for something wrong with me. you cant even blink to make your eyes stop burning or people treat you like you are mentally ill or criminal. have to keep editing my posts because if I dont say this exactly right theyll use that on me too right?

now i have ptsd but I probably had it a while. instead of being supportive I was attacked and people pretend to support me by being manipulative instead because they think they are hot shit and smarter than everybody. so now im sure im being mocked because they dont take me seriously but they only take me seriously when they want an excuse to ruin me more. theres something wrong with people seriously.
so I cant really be disguested with myself im just feeling threatened like im living in enemy territory in my own home.
i dont know how you feel disgusted with yourself because i know there are other people who should feel disgusted by themselves for how they treat us for our attraction and what they do to people because of it, but they enjoy it instead.

i dont know you, so i dont know why you feel disgusted but i know what people are like because they say they are not like that but they really are because they are trying to get us to focus on what they think is their good side but its their bad side thats out to get us, so they are creeping around trying to get behind us where we wont see them for what they are.

thats why i cant feel disgusted. its not something I do anything to deal with, I just cant because feeling disgusted of myself is not right.
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People have opinions it's best that ya hear then through then don't give a fuck. You'll always have secrets to keep hidden but you're in control of who learns those. But seriously though keep your head high don't say anything you don't want or have to. Most importantly don't give a flying fuck about what others think because truth be told they don't know anything about your life or how you live it.
 
A suggestion that may help to deal with the shame would be to consider the fact that the people who pass judgment on zoos are usually not actually in a position to be doing so legitimately.
Think of it this way: you know more about horses than the average person does, I would assume. That means that you understand their desires a lot better than most. For anybody's judgment of your actions to be of any worth, their understanding of horses would have to equal or exceed yours. Since most people do not meet that criterion, their opinions on your actions can be discarded, because they come from a place of their own personal opinion rather than considerable wisdom.
They answered the matter before they heard it, so to speak, suggesting how you should treat horses without knowing the first thing about horses.
 
I❤️Horses said:
I do truly love horses. And I’d be honored to be a mate to one. I’m so sad it won’t happen though
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I used to think that way, still do sometimes. It's depressing at times, not being with a mare. But I suppose nobody ever said this life would be easy.

You just have to hope for the best. If it happens, that's great. If not... don't beat yourself up over it.
 
MypupandI69 said:
People have opinions it's best that ya hear then through then don't give a fuck. You'll always have secrets to keep hidden but you're in control of who learns those. But seriously though keep your head high don't say anything you don't want or have to. Most importantly don't give a flying fuck about what others think because truth be told they don't know anything about your life or how you live it.
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Good approach
 
I know the feeling, I don't know if I just stopped worrying about other people's views or enjoy my life
 
I❤️Horses said:
Hey. I created this account a few years ago but haven’t been on because of shame and fear of being found out. Tonight I couldn’t take it anymore and came on here. As the name implies I love horses both mares and stallions. I’ve never done anything irl. I’m at a very low point and wanted to hear how y’all deal with feeling disgusting with yourself.
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Why feel ashamed or maybe disgusted? Yes, if you keep your head low that you can't be identified then you will be happy on this forum. You have a gift, use it, experience your zoo life you feel comfortable with, like all of us, live your life to the fullest, it's a gift, but just keep it out of publicity or anyone you know might disapprove. Be proud of it ?
 
I feel shame when I know I've done something wrong, and I guess that is the difference for me. I've never seen zoo as wrong, as it has always been very clear to me that the objections raised against zoo are nothing but faulty excuses. There is nothing wrong about mutually enjoyable sex between consenting adults.
 
I❤️Horses said:
Hey. I created this account a few years ago but haven’t been on because of shame and fear of being found out. Tonight I couldn’t take it anymore and came on here. As the name implies I love horses both mares and stallions. I’ve never done anything irl. I’m at a very low point and wanted to hear how y’all deal with feeling disgusting with yourself.
Click to expand...
It took me 4 years before I accepted I was attracted to animals and even longer to really get into zoo. So the process will be long but with it in the end.
 
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