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Is anybody else just fuckin lonely?

To be fair, I've found that much of life is hypocritical in one way or another.
Opinions change based on new evidence and feelings change based on circumstances.
We ALL do it, so why bother to give too much of a shit about another person's hypocrisy.
Did it affect you in any way other than making you mad on the internet?

If yes, Damn, sorry.
But if no then let it the fuck go. Life is already stressful enough, why burden yourself with trivial nonsense?
 
Just deleted all my dating profiles, again. 8 fucking months and you can count the number of matches/"conversations" on one hand, and those all ended in ghosting after just as many messages. Apparently I'm the ugliest undatable gay man in this city of 2 million, don't even deserve to be acknowledged.

8 goddamn years trying every fucking site/app there is, paid or free. In all that time I've had all of 4 dates. Don't even know why I keep doing this to myself. May as well just go crawl in a hole and die somewhere, not like anyone will even notice I'm gone.
 
It was a relief to know I wasn't the only one, but due to society's disapproval of anything zoo, I still find myself often in a lonely space. Sure, here we are among people with similar interests, but precisely because of the risks involved, it's a frustrating dance of wanting to know more and wanting to say more, while at the same time knowing that wanting more and saying more beyond platitudes still carries the risk of giving up so much detail that it can be the end of you.

Over the years, I have met several zoos offline but those meets haven't taken away the feelings of loneliness. Meeting up is stressful in itself, so it happens only once every couple of years. Distance can get in the way too. And with chat.... usually I'm just the fly on the wall. You see, with people I cannot read between the lines. I cannot deduct from what is written here whether people are serious, or just pulling my leg. No idea whether they are catfish or whatever. That said, I don't like to be taken for a fool. Add to that the unbelief that people actually want to chat - not to mention meeting up, or even dating - with me, and you get a slice of my mindset.

So even here, I need to keep the shields up.
 
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420Fatty said:
To be fair, I've found that much of life is hypocritical in one way or another.
Opinions change based on new evidence and feelings change based on circumstances.
We ALL do it, so why bother to give too much of a shit about another person's hypocrisy.
Did it affect you in any way other than making you mad on the internet?

If yes, Damn, sorry.
But if no then let it the fuck go. Life is already stressful enough, why burden yourself with trivial nonsense?
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You can't avoid your own fear when you pretend to avoid stress. In reality it's the evasive habits that fuel stress. Don't pretend you're not afraid of stress. Denial will only make it worse. Trust me on this one.

People that face hardship learn to handle more and are happier for it. Real lasting happiness is learned from discipline. Dedication. Commitment. Always facing your fears. Easier said then done? Sure. Harder road more rewarding though. It's great. Amazing. Best thing ever. Once you get into that consistent rhythm. I talk to people that self harm and get suicidal, among other things. I need this skill. It saves lives. And sanity. And makes intimate/loving things happen when people learn to pay attention even if they were difficult. If I slip up with this then who suffers for it? Or worse, dies.

I'm not worried. I enjoy it. I like it. But why a I having to deal with the "ignored" people in the first place? That people pretend is "trivial"? I'm not going to treat people like they're nothing. I know what that does to people. Did the research too. It's not that I "care about you". It's the ideals themselves. It's like Batman's no killing rule.

If I turn my back on one person what stops me turning my back on the next? To quote Batman "It would be too easy". Don't. Trust. Easy. It's the worst example to set. I want to set a better example then being another coward. I find it more concerning then a loaded gun in my face. If I look death in the eye and don't blink and say this is concerning then take that for what it's worth.

If I'm fucking someones life up it's going to be when I look them in the eye with courage.

All we can do is try. At some point it pays off. Yesterdays enemy can be todays lover. It happens. Quickly often times.
 
wanting to say more, while at the same time knowing that wanting more and saying more beyond platitudes still carries the risk of giving up so much detail that it can be the end of you.
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You do relaize this proves your fear of conflict, right?
 
Mesond said:
You can't avoid your own fear when you pretend to avoid stress. In reality it's the evasive habits that fuel stress. Don't pretend you're not afraid of stress. Denial will only make it worse. Trust me on this one.

People that face hardship learn to handle more and are happier for it. Real lasting happiness is learned from discipline. Dedication. Commitment. Always facing your fears. Easier said then done? Sure. Harder road more rewarding though. It's great. Amazing. Best thing ever. Once you get into that consistent rhythm. I talk to people that self harm and get suicidal, among other things. I need this skill. It saves lives. And sanity. And makes intimate/loving things happen when people learn to pay attention even if they were difficult. If I slip up with this then who suffers for it? Or worse, dies.

I'm not worried. I enjoy it. I like it. But why a I having to deal with the "ignored" people in the first place? That people pretend is "trivial"? I'm not going to treat people like they're nothing. I know what that does to people. Did the research too. It's not that I "care about you". It's the ideals themselves. It's like Batman's no killing rule.

If I turn my back on one person what stops me turning my back on the next? To quote Batman "It would be too easy". Don't. Trust. Easy. It's the worst example to set. I want to set a better example then being another coward. I find it more concerning then a loaded gun in my face. If I look death in the eye and don't blink and say this is concerning then take that for what it's worth.

If I'm fucking someones life up it's going to be when I look them in the eye with courage.

All we can do is try. At some point it pays off. Yesterdays enemy can be todays lover. It happens. Quickly often times.
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You're new here so I'm going to let your adorably insulting slander slide.
 
420Fatty said:
You're new here so I'm going to let your adorably insulting slander slide.
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If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us.

Hate might be too strong a word for this situation. Nonetheless, point stands. offense is only taken, not given.

I approve of the playful banter, but if everything is a "personal attack" then it's not. Even if it was though would that be a bad thing? It entieraly depends on how one reacts and respond to the situation.

Look at the bigger picture here. How many people live in fear and remain silent becaue of how easily offended people get? In their point of view it might seem like there's no point in even trying.

In my point of view I know better. Try. To try.

If you give up and are a quitter and make excuses for it then this isn't a "personal attack". Either you always try or you don't. I can live with trying. I'd sooner die then make excuses to be a quitter. I'm done giving up and making excuses for it.
 
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dartel said:
Just deleted all my dating profiles, again. 8 fucking months and you can count the number of matches/"conversations" on one hand, and those all ended in ghosting after just as many messages. Apparently I'm the ugliest undatable gay man in this city of 2 million, don't even deserve to be acknowledged.

8 goddamn years trying every fucking site/app there is, paid or free. In all that time I've had all of 4 dates. Don't even know why I keep doing this to myself. May as well just go crawl in a hole and die somewhere, not like anyone will even notice I'm gone.
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Hey man don’t say that, I understand this crap because I’ve basically never gone on a “real” date. But it’s not worth thinking that your the reason why. Online dating is just so imperfect because you can match with anyone with different interests. I myself basically accepted being alone on things, now I just spend time with animals rather than people, and I’m happy with that. ( I still have a tinder and it’s basically a waste of phone space )
 
420Fatty said:
I dunno if it's my age, my sexual interests, my complete loss of all interest in the things I used to love or my personality, but I feel like all I do is distance myself and push people away when all I want is to connect.

Anyone else feeling like this or am I just going insane on my own?
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Me too. Completly lonely
 
knotjen said:
Is there the possibility of meeting people in person, rather than online?
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No.

I can't even fathom how that could happen.

I haven't had a friend or "social" life in 15 years. So noone is going to "set me up" or introduce me to someone.

I'm sure as fuck not going to a bar or club. Not only do I not drink and can't stand music, but even if I did suffer through that I see no reason anyone would show any more interest in approaching the uncomfortable guy sitting in the corner than they clearly aren't interested in approaching the same face online. Plus, wouldn't want to be involved with anyone frequenting a bar or club anyway.

Non-dating oriented groups/clubs/etc on the off chance one of the 10 people there MIGHT be someone who's a single gay man, matches my very narrow range of attraction, and is interested themselves, and/or knows someone they'd introduce me to? No. I'm not going to spend years in an uncomfortable environment under false pretenses.
 
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knotjen said:
Is there the possibility of meeting people in person, rather than online?

At least in person, there is a potential to make a real connection and read all the non-verbal stuff which gets lost online.

I personally have had more success meeting people IRL by choosing venues that interest me and running into people who have the same interest, much moreso than online dating in any form.

While I've done online dating in the past, it always felt very Sears Catalog-ish to me.

Anyway, I'm sorry you're down on your luck. Hugs to you.
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Changes are rare meeting anyone in person ,you never know the person in real life.
 
knotjen said:
What's your passion? What makes your heart warm?

Whatever those things are, maybe getting involved in them will help.

And if doing that you don't meet anyone you're into, at least you're feeding your passion
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Everybody's have their own desires ,passions,feelings etc to either be left alone , or to be with a partner, I too am single for 20 years , and staying zoo exclusive was the best choice . And there's people under false pretenses or pretending is most cases why some of us remains by ourselves.
 
knotjen said:
While that is one possibility it's certainly not the only one.
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You can only be bothered by something if it affects you somehow. That which does not affect us does not bother us.
It could also be overall, they're of the "leave everyone be" mindset which is from their personality, not fear, not logic, not anything else.
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People are in that "leave everyone be" mindset because thay are worrying (eg: afraid) of pestering others. That is fear. And if you're not being logical about it then you're being stupid about it.

If people aren't afraid then why worry?

Keep in mind fear is a very subtle thing people are so often in denial about. Stubbornness and pride can blind people to it too (dishonest sarcasm is the worst here). It can "sneak in" without you realizing it. Most people do live in fear and make excues to ignore. You don't see the fallout from that. I do. I don't ignore. I don't block people. I pay attention. If you don't learn observation then others control your life. You just won't realize it. Because you're ignoring it.

Face you fears or live in fear. Simple as that. And again, it's called denial for a reason. You can only fool yourself.
 
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knotjen said:
What's your passion? What makes your heart warm?
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Yeah, there's no passion. The totality of the last 25 years of my life has been sitting in front of my computer/TV when not at work/school. Yesterday at one point I literally just stared blankly at the desktop on my middle monitor for 10 minutes, ignoring the video playing on the left and the idle game playing on the right.

An in person get together group talking about their Steam library sounds like a wonderful time. [insert sarcasm] Or maybe we can talk about what 30 year old sitcom we've watched 200 times because there's nothing else to fill the endless pointless hours of life between sleep and a job we hate.

About 6 years ago when I was trying to get started on writing a novel I went to weekly "writer's club" meets for a few months, not because of the writing but because I was trying to do SOMETHING social in the middle of the 3 years depression I was suffering. And the writing would have been a "shared interest". There were only like 8 people that attended these meetings, and I talked to maybe 2 of them, and there sure wasn't anything remotely approaching 'hey let's be social outside this meeting'. I'm not going to do that for years crossing my fingers something would be different and I'm not just going to go, and get a weekly reminder of just how un...everything I am.
 
dartel said:
Yeah, there's no passion. The totality of the last 25 years of my life has been sitting in front of my computer/TV when not at work/school. Yesterday at one point I literally just stared blankly at the desktop on my middle monitor for 10 minutes, ignoring the video playing on the left and the idle game playing on the right.

An in person get together group talking about their Steam library sounds like a wonderful time. [insert sarcasm] Or maybe we can talk about what 30 year old sitcom we've watched 200 times because there's nothing else to fill the endless pointless hours of life between sleep and a job we hate.

About 6 years ago when I was trying to get started on writing a novel I went to weekly "writer's club" meets for a few months, not because of the writing but because I was trying to do SOMETHING social in the middle of the 3 years depression I was suffering. And the writing would have been a "shared interest". There were only like 8 people that attended these meetings, and I talked to maybe 2 of them, and there sure wasn't anything remotely approaching 'hey let's be social outside this meeting'. I'm not going to do that for years crossing my fingers something would be different and I'm not just going to go, and get a weekly reminder of just how un...everything I am.
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You had "half" a plan. "Here's a location." Ok, You got a location. Now where's "the target"? What point do you want to make? Did you select a person to hunt down and commit to it?

The next time you have a plan then do this. Walk up to whoever catches your eye and go "Let's sit and talk." They play along? Great. If not then keep trying. Let others do the walking. If that happens then next target.

There's always some group or other. Got to get those 1 on 1 talks established.

You might be able to make it work if you get a more solid plan. Just need a place for a sit and talk really. I made it happen on Second Life myself recently. Just got to walk up to people and go "Let's sit and talk."
 
Me years ago: Anybody lonely?

Me now: Some of you people are the reason the ignore button was invented, holy fuck. So long winded and never get to the point. It's like reading the hobbit, but even more boring.
 
I think depending on how deeply in love one is with their nonhuman partner will determine how "alone" they feel without a human. Having neither atm, I've been feeling pretty damn lonely. Even a zoo-roommate situation would be wonderful. Tired of living with non-zoos hiding myself at every moment.
 
Loneliness is my 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th name my first is just the one I was given, but I could change it to loneliness too lol
 
420Fatty said:
I dunno if it's my age, my sexual interests, my complete loss of all interest in the things I used to love or my personality, but I feel like all I do is distance myself and push people away when all I want is to connect.

Anyone else feeling like this or am I just going insane on my own?
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Yeah, I can relate, feel free to pm me if you want someone to talk to, I was/am in a similar boat, But i can see land.
 
Yes I’ve been getting depressed and lonely lately just don’t have the energy or desire to do anything so I just withdraw. But then I will have a good day and it is good. Sometimes it is a roller coaster
 
I've never felt truly lonely, I've been very fortunate on that regard. However the loneliest I've ever felt is when my then SO went on a pretty awful and negative rant about zoos just as I was hinting around to gauge their reaction. Took me longer than it should have taken me to break up with them. After that tho, it's been so much better just day to day. I would like for all you here to be able to feel that. Because I realized that the negativity was really pushing me down and I want all you to know what it's like to be better and happy!
 
420Fatty said:
I dunno if it's my age, my sexual interests, my complete loss of all interest in the things I used to love or my personality, but I feel like all I do is distance myself and push people away when all I want is to connect.

Anyone else feeling like this or am I just going insane on my own?
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You are not alone .... let's connect.
 
I'm not an overall lonely person, I've been fortunate to have family and friends but when it comes to the zoo part of my life, I've never had someone to share it with, even talk with. Joining this board has been very therapeutic for me, knowing that I'm not alone in this part of my life and being able to chat and share experiences really made a positive change. I hadn't realized how much I needed that connection.
 
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