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Depression

Pillar said:
The people who would knowingly do this to others need to be purged from your life. There's been a time where I unconsciously did these things myself, not out of spite, but because it became normalized. Spending too much time with toxic people can blind you to their behaviors to the point where you cease to recognize them for what they are. I actually had a toxic job like this, I am so glad I don't work there anymore.
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For me, it had to escalate into serious violence before I recognized that those people were not just unpleasant, but they were actually dangerous. Getting over the blunted/exaggerated affect took years.
 
i suffer from crippling depression, i cant leave my house without having a panic attack, thinking im doing something wrong. in high school, i was constantly in and out of relationships, which lead to a detachment from people... might be part of why im here actually, animals helped me when i was stressed... but regardless, ive been suicidal for a while now. i can barely breath because i always am in some sort of anxious/depressed state, my life feels like a constant nightmare because i cant show i care about people properly, i cant show that i love people. i try, but it always ends with me being blocked and left on my own. i genuinely dont know how to love someone, and it sucks. i cant... i cant understand why im like this but i am. i dont get it. ive tried to hurt myself but i cant even kill myself right and it sucks!

i dont know what my mind is doing anymore, i cant tell whats actually happening vs whats in my head, its a pain. i prretty much always cry myself to sleep now lol.

but im rambling, so... ill shut up. thanks for reading
 
AppleGrassi said:
i suffer from crippling depression, i cant leave my house without having a panic attack, thinking im doing something wrong. in high school, i was constantly in and out of relationships, which lead to a detachment from people... might be part of why im here actually, animals helped me when i was stressed... but regardless, ive been suicidal for a while now. i can barely breath because i always am in some sort of anxious/depressed state, my life feels like a constant nightmare because i cant show i care about people properly, i cant show that i love people. i try, but it always ends with me being blocked and left on my own. i genuinely dont know how to love someone, and it sucks. i cant... i cant understand why im like this but i am. i dont get it. ive tried to hurt myself but i cant even kill myself right and it sucks!

i dont know what my mind is doing anymore, i cant tell whats actually happening vs whats in my head, its a pain. i prretty much always cry myself to sleep now lol.

but im rambling, so... ill shut up. thanks for reading
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Trust me, I've been there already, please don't hurt yourself or kill yourself. I've held a loaded 9mm to my head before, and I didn't pull that trigger. If I did I wouldn't be here talking to you, so please, don't. If you need someone to talk to, we're here for you.
 
RexAndMe said:
I guess I'll just tell you what I told my friend when he was crashing on my couch when he had depression:

You're in control of your own life. If you want to change, change.
I know it sounds cheesy and it's easier said than done, but if you want something, you fight. You fight and you don't quit until you're done. Because, again: YOU are in control.
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If you've been to that point this will be the last thing in your mind.
 
AppleGrassi said:
i suffer from crippling depression, i cant leave my house without having a panic attack, thinking im doing something wrong. in high school, i was constantly in and out of relationships, which lead to a detachment from people... might be part of why im here actually, animals helped me when i was stressed... but regardless, ive been suicidal for a while now. i can barely breath because i always am in some sort of anxious/depressed state, my life feels like a constant nightmare because i cant show i care about people properly, i cant show that i love people. i try, but it always ends with me being blocked and left on my own. i genuinely dont know how to love someone, and it sucks. i cant... i cant understand why im like this but i am. i dont get it. ive tried to hurt myself but i cant even kill myself right and it sucks!

i dont know what my mind is doing anymore, i cant tell whats actually happening vs whats in my head, its a pain. i prretty much always cry myself to sleep now lol.

but im rambling, so... ill shut up. thanks for reading
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Go ahead and pm me when you want, I'm also here if you need someone to talk to. And if it gets to the point of crippling you don't hesitate to ask for professional help.
 
Qczooacc said:
Yea, been suicidal for about 1.5 years now, and it just gets worse. Don't think I will make it until summer this year.
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Unfortunatelly a suicide won't set you free, as freedom is a concept only being experienced by the living. It's also not really an escape, as you technically go nowhere.

Even as a person who on occasion suffers from depressions myself, I can hardly say I know what you are going through, as many depressions are different. I however know how it feels being despaired. That feeling luckily won't remain forever. So I have to agree with the others here and say "Live to die another day". Meaning even if you feel like at the bottom of a pit, if you kill yourself, your loss might still devastate others around you and you wouldn't get to feel the relief you long for.

If your suicidal mood is tied to a specific thing in your life maybe it's time to try to change that thing, as it provides you nothing but pain. If it isn't tied to anything in particular and you just generally feel down in the dumps, just know that this feeling, although it might feel to be eternal, will ultimately fade away eventually.

It might not be much, but feel free to talk to any of us if you feel that this might help you lift your spirits.
 
RexAndMe said:
YOU are in control.
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Unless you aren't. Depressions can have many different points of origin. One might be a chemical imbalance in your system that you simply can't fight by positive thinking. You can only address that by medication. Another one might be hereditary. In this case it's in your genes. Only an ongoing therapy (if that helps at all, as in some cases, it doesn't) or proper medication might help to deal with that. Some other point of origin might be that your depression was triggered by you having been dealt a bad hand of cards. Not everybody can simply deal with that. If they can, then their situation wasn't as severe as they thought it was.

I guess the biggest mistake is to mix up being bored with life or being unmotivated with being depressed. Because on the outside those things might look very much alike, but on the inside they are as different as day and night. Depressions are never easily dealt with. Depressions are quite irrational.

And a bit of motivational encouragement is the last thing that actually helps with dealing with depressions. If anything it makes everything worse, as it trivializes the torment a depressed person has to go through, blaming only him personally for his current state of mind. Of course that might not have been your intention, but it is important to remember, that a severe depression isn't the same as a lack of motivation. Those are drastically different kinds of feeling blue.

As you see, in my previous post I also addressed the possibility, that a certain factor in life should be addressed, if it feels like being the root cause of the depression. But that won't have any effect, if it isn't the root of the depression, which is a likely case. In this case patience and empathy are way more important than just saying that one is responsible for their own well being (because in a interconnected society with all their dependencies that is actually far from being true anyway).
 
And i dont feel depressed when im touching myself. I feel great then! I smile even. ? have fun, or try to atleast. I play music too when im not tugging. & weed helps. Big time!
 
I was borderline depressed in high school and fell into a really deep depression in my freshman year of college. At the time, I was in an engineering program and got into school with a hefty academic scholarship. Keeping that meant that i needed to sustain a 3.5 GPA or higher, which was almost impossible during that time because of how many "weed-out" classes I was taking. That on top of my already unhealthy obsession with getting good grades forced me into staying up until around 2 or 3 AM every night and waking up at 5 AM the next morning. Both my expectations and lack of sleep caused me to spiral into a near-suicidal depression and the stress from all of it was way too much to handle. To this day, I still don't understand how I didn't have a breakdown during that time. I managed to keep my GPA up and my scholarship intact, but by the time the summer hit, I was a human wreck. Fortunately, I had (and still have) a very good relationship with my parents and we went to a vacation spot we used to go when I was much younger. After reconnecting with my past self and purchasing a book on Buddhist meditation and mindfulness, I came out of the experience a changed person. I switched majors to history, somehow managed to convince the administration to let me keep my scholarship, graduated with high honors, and just got accepted into a Ph.D history program.

Life is strange and frequently very painful. Being angry, upset, and depressed doesn't mean that you're a broken individual. Sometimes, it's about removing stressful elements from your life. Other times, it's about finding what you really want to live for. I managed to come back from the brink by finding beauty in the small, quiet moments. There's no guaranteed cure for depression, but there are ways to cut back on its potential causes. Putting one foot in front of the other can be tough, but it can also generate moments that make life really worth living. Everyone has their own struggles and while I could never understand what any of you are going through on any particular day, I am always available to listen.
 
Kane said:
I do on the daily. I lost my best friend and nothing can fill that void. The best thing that has kept me going is the fact that I still have life. I still can be and live free regardless of financial restraints. No matter what I will always be able to make another dog's life on this planet the absolute best that anyone can provide. Depression put me in some pretty dark places but I will never do something that will prevent me from helping pups in need. If my life is worth anything it is something for dogs that have been through some shit or have been dealt a shit hand.

Between my desire to help animals and dogs specifically, music has helped as well. It always provides a nice escape from however shit reality may be. No help has ever come from those who say "I am here to talk" That just pushes me deeper into dark places while the person who wanted to help by talking has no response to true shit that was my life.

I really would like to say it gets easier but in my case it does not. You have to find what helps you and go with it. It is a shitty thing to deal with but eventually you can find a way to cope and manage. It will not likely go away without chemicals or phony people offering assistance. You have to do you.

The best advice I can offer is to remember that you have life. You are alive and though it may look shitty, You shape your own future. What you do today can completely change your tomorrow. One step in the right direction is still a positive step to where you want to be. It IS work and it DOES suck. That is life. What drove me was saving and paying until I was able to get to a point where I could surround myself with what I love. Help animals who can't help themselves. Shake off fake friends and bullshit people that say they are there for you but are nowhere when you need them.
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Not horrible but I have had a run in many times.
how do I make it pass? This is all I need!1808657C-FA41-46B1-827D-54B6DB9B9D25.jpeg
 
I get depressed to the point where i wouldnt leave my area for a few days altogether at my worst. If i didnt meet my girl (avatar pic) here i wouldnt be alive today. Since all i saw was a corrupt/cold world and wanted no part in it. Shes my light in it (so far) hopefully ill find more just like her.
 
Yes, and I went to therapy for it. I told my therapist everything, and they were very understanding of the situation I was in. I didn‘t think it would help as much as it really did. It seriously does pay to go and talk to someone. I’m also here if anyone wants to chat if they’re feeling down!
 
TeslaModel3 said:
Yes, and I went to therapy for it. I told my therapist everything, and they were very understanding of the situation I was in. I didn‘t think it would help as much as it really did. It seriously does pay to go and talk to someone. I’m also here if anyone wants to chat if they’re feeling down!
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I can chat with anyone cuz why not.
 
Depression is the Gate to Suppression that leads to the center of Oppression. - Anonymous
 
I was physically and emotionally abused growing up, my dad would call me names and even hurt me because "I was old enough to take more beatings" and I started to get very depressed. I then started to think the mistakes I made were my problem, and I had a thing of actually harming myself. Smash my head into the wall, punch walls as hard as I could, choke myself to the point of almost passing out. I started college one year but never finished, then went home and my father (usually abuse me or my mom) kept bringing up past mistakes, so it made me more depressed, and when he was gone for work, my mom was taking ambien and was not herself, and I didnt know she was taking that pill, then I was playing the ps3 with my friends and my brother and my brother went to ask my mom something and she was so out of it, she was half way on and off the bed, and I helped my brother get her back on and when we were done, he started screaming and accusing me of not taking care of her better. How was I supposed to know she was taking all these meds? He kept on blaming me so I finally couldn't take the stress anymore and pulled a large bread knife and pointed it towards my brother, then turned it around and sliced the left side of my neck. Missed the jugular by inches, but my brother threw me against the wall and threatened to call the police. He never did and my neck eventually sealed up with a scar, and that scar was a reminder how I let myself fall into depression, and let it control me. I learned that I wasn't the only one that was hurt by my actions, other people were. I still get depressed at points but find more things to do to stop from hurting myself.
 
Wolfdreamer40000 said:
I was physically and emotionally abused growing up, my dad would call me names and even hurt me because "I was old enough to take more beatings" and I started to get very depressed. I then started to think the mistakes I made were my problem, and I had a thing of actually harming myself. Smash my head into the wall, punch walls as hard as I could, choke myself to the point of almost passing out. I started college one year but never finished, then went home and my father (usually abuse me or my mom) kept bringing up past mistakes, so it made me more depressed, and when he was gone for work, my mom was taking ambien and was not herself, and I didnt know she was taking that pill, then I was playing the ps3 with my friends and my brother and my brother went to ask my mom something and she was so out of it, she was half way on and off the bed, and I helped my brother get her back on and when we were done, he started screaming and accusing me of not taking care of her better. How was I supposed to know she was taking all these meds? He kept on blaming me so I finally couldn't take the stress anymore and pulled a large bread knife and pointed it towards my brother, then turned it around and sliced the left side of my neck. Missed the jugular by inches, but my brother threw me against the wall and threatened to call the police. He never did and my neck eventually sealed up with a scar, and that scar was a reminder how I let myself fall into depression, and let it control me. I learned that I wasn't the only one that was hurt by my actions, other people were. I still get depressed at points but find more things to do to stop from hurting myself.
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I just want you to know that everything you've been through was not your fault, and it still isn't, nor will it ever be. If you were abused, that was on them, not you. I know they probably blamed you for it (blaming the victim is very common in abusive relationships), and being so young when abused can really make you believe it is your fault, especially when it's prolonged and there's no way to get out of it. If you're still intact kind of a situation, get out of it as safely as you can, it's doing some serious damage to you. And being depressed wasn't your fault - it's a psychological state that was a result of the abuse you've been through. I know I've already said this, and I know it might now immediately sink in, but please don't blame yourself and get out of there ASAP.
 
Wolfdreamer40000 said:
I was physically and emotionally abused growing up, my dad would call me names and even hurt me because "I was old enough to take more beatings" and I started to get very depressed. I then started to think the mistakes I made were my problem, and I had a thing of actually harming myself. Smash my head into the wall, punch walls as hard as I could, choke myself to the point of almost passing out. I started college one year but never finished, then went home and my father (usually abuse me or my mom) kept bringing up past mistakes, so it made me more depressed, and when he was gone for work, my mom was taking ambien and was not herself, and I didnt know she was taking that pill, then I was playing the ps3 with my friends and my brother and my brother went to ask my mom something and she was so out of it, she was half way on and off the bed, and I helped my brother get her back on and when we were done, he started screaming and accusing me of not taking care of her better. How was I supposed to know she was taking all these meds? He kept on blaming me so I finally couldn't take the stress anymore and pulled a large bread knife and pointed it towards my brother, then turned it around and sliced the left side of my neck. Missed the jugular by inches, but my brother threw me against the wall and threatened to call the police. He never did and my neck eventually sealed up with a scar, and that scar was a reminder how I let myself fall into depression, and let it control me. I learned that I wasn't the only one that was hurt by my actions, other people were. I still get depressed at points but find more things to do to stop from hurting myself.
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Why hurt yourself though? Why didnt you turn your pain into rage vs your dad for hurting your mom? Just asking.
 
i was diagnosed with depression when i was about twelve but within the last year or two my situation has been improving and it's been helping me improve my mental health
 
Reconscope said:
Why hurt yourself though? Why didnt you turn your pain into rage vs your dad for hurting your mom? Just asking.
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Rage? I'm a very emotional person, he didnt physically harm her but he did emotionally harm her. I was weak back then but now I'm far better off out of that situation. I hurt myself to escape the pain of being tormented, and I'm glad I got out of there.
 
Wolfdreamer40000 said:
Rage? I'm a very emotional person, he didnt physically harm her but he did emotionally harm her. I was weak back then but now I'm far better off out of that situation. I hurt myself to escape the pain of being tormented, and I'm glad I got out of there.
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I hope your mom is ok... Im glad also your still here.
 
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