What have I done?!

JayUK

JayUK

Tourist
Me and partner... 14 years and a family.

Always hid myself

I told her in early hours.

My lifes gone!

Oh fuck why did I say anything!!!

What do i do now :(

Someone turn the lights out
 
The first option would probably be less harsh if she reports you.
Delete all evidence if you have any.
 
Boy, good luck with that. I am sorry that that was the reaction you received and the situation you find yourself in, but this will be a good learning experience for next time. Maybe you should test the waters and gauge the reaction next time before going into the deep end. I mean, your marriage may be over, but your life and its experiences don’t have to be. I wish you all the best.
 
Its very risky and unwise to speak about your affiliation/fetish to zoo-sex when the other person never showed clear signs in conversations or joking in these ways that its interested to know more about it or find it interesting.
 
JayUK said:
She won't. That I'm sure of.. no doubts.

But I lost her.
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I'm in limbo, told mine and our sex life is BORING AF. We have boring sex, kinda wish I was in your situation. Then I had the opportunity to find someone similar in sexuality. I miss my ex's who would at least watch it.
 
So I've been physically active in the past.. and for as long as I can remember zoo has been my goto viewing and thoughts.

as a lot of us know sometimes it makes you feel very very trapped and is why a lot of us come here.

Well I cracked.. I broke down.. I just couldn't do it anymore.. and well be stupid I told her. The look she gave me... to me it said it all... that's it its over...

I left the house soon after... scared to death and feeling even more alone than I did before.

I posted here and that's where I was at... in honesty I wanted to end myself :(

She called me.. asked me to come home. Now I did trust her with my life and I'd trust her with my secret so I went back....

The first thing she said to me was "I'll never judge you"

Still I couldn't see how she wouldn't...

She asked me questions.. she wanted details.. she told me I owed her that.. and she was right! I mean we built a life together over the top of something big!

It was hard... very hard to speak openly and truthfully about it to her... its not like on here.. she knows me! She is right here with me! However I did... I was as honest as one could be..

... and she accepted it... gobsmacked is not the word! She said it doesn't change how she sees me at all.. and then came.. "I watched a few clips after you left, and it honestly made me tingle..." ... I thought she was joking or I simply could not take it in... she admitted she had watched it a little in the past... first time before I met her and once or twice with curiosity since being together.

She said she never had any intentions or thoughts about doing it but at the same time it was so wrong it was very tantalising... so wrong it's right in a fucked up sense.

So here we are.. here I am... I still don't know where to put myself tbh with you all.. I'm just so uncomfortable in my skin atm.. I've driven a wedge in as protection I think.. distanced myself emotionally from her. I do feel ashamed. I'm still scared! It's all so very new... I've been locked away in myself for so long and now someone else is there... with me.. and I dont know how to feel.

So yes I am zoo and she knows it.. she is not zoo but gets kinked. And she still loves me for me... I've always known she is amazing hence I've been with her for 14 years... but she never ceases to amaze me.. what an incredible human being!

you'd think it would be easy now to just get on again right? But it doesn't work like that.. this is no fairy tale.

I hope I become OK with myself and with her knowing... in time I think I will but I feel as if its going to be a long road of acceptance for myself.
 
JayUK said:
I hope I become OK with myself and with her knowing... in time I think I will but I feel as if its going to be a long road of acceptance for myself.
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I hope you will be OK, both of you. And while you are in the process of accepting yourself, try to educate yourself a bit (and your partner if it is okey). I personally recommend https://zoo.wtf/ (right from the first episode... if you haven't heard it yet) and, of course, "Understanding Bestiality and Zoophilia" by Hani Miletski
 
JayUK said:
So I've been physically active in the past.. and for as long as I can remember zoo has been my goto viewing and thoughts.

as a lot of us know sometimes it makes you feel very very trapped and is why a lot of us come here.

Well I cracked.. I broke down.. I just couldn't do it anymore.. and well be stupid I told her. The look she gave me... to me it said it all... that's it its over...

I left the house soon after... scared to death and feeling even more alone than I did before.

I posted here and that's where I was at... in honesty I wanted to end myself :(

She called me.. asked me to come home. Now I did trust her with my life and I'd trust her with my secret so I went back....

The first thing she said to me was "I'll never judge you"

Still I couldn't see how she wouldn't...

She asked me questions.. she wanted details.. she told me I owed her that.. and she was right! I mean we built a life together over the top of something big!

It was hard... very hard to speak openly and truthfully about it to her... its not like on here.. she knows me! She is right here with me! However I did... I was as honest as one could be..

... and she accepted it... gobsmacked is not the word! She said it doesn't change how she sees me at all.. and then came.. "I watched a few clips after you left, and it honestly made me tingle..." ... I thought she was joking or I simply could not take it in... she admitted she had watched it a little in the past... first time before I met her and once or twice with curiosity since being together.

She said she never had any intentions or thoughts about doing it but at the same time it was so wrong it was very tantalising... so wrong it's right in a fucked up sense.

So here we are.. here I am... I still don't know where to put myself tbh with you all.. I'm just so uncomfortable in my skin atm.. I've driven a wedge in as protection I think.. distanced myself emotionally from her. I do feel ashamed. I'm still scared! It's all so very new... I've been locked away in myself for so long and now someone else is there... with me.. and I dont know how to feel.

So yes I am zoo and she knows it.. she is not zoo but gets kinked. And she still loves me for me... I've always known she is amazing hence I've been with her for 14 years... but she never ceases to amaze me.. what an incredible human being!

you'd think it would be easy now to just get on again right? But it doesn't work like that.. this is no fairy tale.

I hope I become OK with myself and with her knowing... in time I think I will but I feel as if its going to be a long road of acceptance for myself.
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Hot damn, what a roller coaster this post has been. I felt like i was reading a fanfic LOL. I AM HOPING THIS IS REAL!
I am going to assume this is real since youve been part of this community since 2022

All i can say is

Sometimes its worth taking the leap of faith when it comes to love. It can truly end in an explosion, but there are times like this where things aren't as bad as we may have perceived them to be. If you truly love someone, and i mean really have love with each other, you will work through any obstacle. Thats the best part about love. Yes, there are always huge risks and maybe you can find out you didnt realize how cold and heartless someone could be. But in your situation, you have spent a plethora of time together, im sure you know each other so well, and you have that love

Its great your partner took the time to think about it, and even explore it a bit. It shows that she is open to working through it and hey, maybe she would even give it a try just for YOU. You are her person, if the love is real between you both i know for a fact you will get through this

sure, it may be awkward for a month, but time heals and GOOD communication and honesty are crucial. You both will get through this, and im proud of you for taking the risk and not keeping the secret anymore.

Much love <3
 
Cooper22z said:
Hot damn, what a roller coaster this post has been. I felt like i was reading a fanfic LOL. I AM HOPING THIS IS REAL!
I am going to assume this is real since youve been part of this community since 2022

All i can say is

Sometimes its worth taking the leap of faith when it comes to love. It can truly end in an explosion, but there are times like this where things aren't as bad as we may have perceived them to be. If you truly love someone, and i mean really have love with each other, you will work through any obstacle. Thats the best part about love. Yes, there are always huge risks and maybe you can find out you didnt realize how cold and heartless someone could be. But in your situation, you have spent a plethora of time together, im sure you know each other so well, and you have that love

Its great your partner took the time to think about it, and even explore it a bit. It shows that she is open to working through it and hey, maybe she would even give it a try just for YOU. You are her person, if the love is real between you both i know for a fact you will get through this

sure, it may be awkward for a month, but time heals and GOOD communication and honesty are crucial. You both will get through this, and im proud of you for taking the risk and not keeping the secret anymore.

Much love <3
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Yes very much real :)

Thank you :)
 
So update :

I feel better. I feel closer to her again... however still in turmoil. I can be fine next to her but the next I can be thinking "she knows"... which is making me feel ashamed/embarrassed as I auto think "she must be disgusted" < Now I know she wouldn't lie to me and I dont see disgust in her eyes so I figure it is me and clearly I am not at ease with myself and being zoo... do I disgust myself? In honesty I don't! So why would I feel like that?..

I'll figure it in time.
 
Daily update...

So I feel better today. Told fiancee how my head is with the whole urgh feeling I'm getting.

Again being the amazing human she is she understands and isn't surprised I'm feeling the way I do. Lots more reassurance and a deep chat into my thoughts.. then something that helped me which ill add at the end..


Where I'm at now : I feel OK.. a bit more accepting maybe and a bit more understood. I can look her in the eyes now and not feel URGH! I'm far from excellent but a damn sight further away from how I was feeling when this all happened! Honestly I was very close to leaving this world!! If she hadn't of called... well...

So after our chat she grabbed her phone and put a video on.. i was a bit awkward to say the least however she was not! She started telling me her thoughts as she watched it and what was getting her going : then said "if I was disgusted by you, then you would have every reason to be disgusted by me and are you?!" ... I did think that doesn't quite work with me being zoo anyway but I caught her flawed logic all the same. She really isn't at all :)

I remember when we met.. not long after being silly I had her name tattoo'd on my neck and everyone told me I was an idiot... was I though?! I found my perfect person for sure! Even if she isn't quite zoo! Haha however I do see some fun times with videos in the future!


Why am I writing all this.. well... it helps! It really does help to let things out and I hope it helps others along in their journeys.

So to all you genuine people out there that may be suffering in your minds... my inbox is always open for you if you want to chat!

I don't think I need to add more as it can only possibly get better now... and sometimes things are a bit lame without drama haha!


All the best
 
Thank you for sharing for all this. Was rooting for you as I read through the posts and unlike some posts this feels authentic.
 
I'm glad everything's turned out well. It must have felt like your world was ending when you were in doubt. I hope I'll have a partner that understands or even likes bestiality one day.
 
lucytease said:
Thank you for sharing for all this. Was rooting for you as I read through the posts and unlike some posts this feels authentic.
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Hmmm lot of fakes on here for sure... I ask people their story off the bat and its obvious who is real or not tbh.

Yes very genuine and true zoo here
 
I feel for you.

I do.

And I'm glad you didnt actually burn your life down. But, I must also say I do not understand this fucking compulsion people seem to have to tell people this.....SOME things, yeah, I get that. The human need for communion with other humans, social animals that we are, I get that.

What I dont get, is the ......lack of understanding of just how radioactive this is, or whatever is the reason why that survival instinct doesnt take top tier priority over this need for communion.

Or maybe some people value communion with others more than survival......I just dont know. Like I said, I just dont understand it in those terms.

I'm glad your situation now appears to be substantially less disasterous than you initially thought, but at the same time, I sincerely hope seeing your post might wake some of these people up before they self-destruct.
 
Here's the part I have a hard time with...
If I were to go and tell someone as important to me as say... a wife of 14 years. Blatantly, that I'm into sex with animals.
Not even bring up the idea to gage a reaction first. Then find out it is a catastrophic failure.

My first action would not be to run straight to a group dedicated to the very same thing to tell... strangers about it.

Now. I am an emotionless sociopath that tends to look at things matter of factly. But in my eyes this seems like more of a phish for attention than the initial blurting out to a SO this sort of interest.
 
Jester said:
Here's the part I have a hard time with...
If I were to go and tell someone as important to me as say... a wife of 14 years. Blatantly, that I'm into sex with animals.
Not even bring up the idea to gage a reaction first. Then find out it is a catastrophic failure.

My first action would not be to run straight to a group dedicated to the very same thing to tell... strangers about it.

Now. I am an emotionless sociopath that tends to look at things matter of factly. But in my eyes this seems like more of a phish for attention than the initial blurting out to a SO this sort of interest.
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Certainly isn't a phish at all. It's all very very genuine.


Why.. because not being myself to her was ripping me apart... for 14 years I've decieved her and not let her make her own mind up... and to put it into context I would put my life down for her in an instant... the self preservation vanishes when you care for someone so much.

It's the perfect place turn.. however you assume it was the first when it wasn't. I do have a few people I've been speaking to for a long time across the net.. however my cry for help of her went unheard at the time.


I hope you are never in a situation like I was in... logic goes out the window... the same as throwing myself in front of a gun to protect my friends. Maybe I'm different.. I'm ex military so it's kinda in my blood.


I wont argue you'd opinions as they are yours and I am surely not offended by them either. We all question each other in this world.


All the best
 
She will also confirm this of she so wishes as I met her here.

Remember it's OK to question people but get your answers before drawing conclusions :)
 

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I was fortunate in my last relationship in that it came up that I was a zoo, even if non-practising so far, but he understood me and didn't en our relationship. We're still very good friends despite our relationship ending a good while ago.
 
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