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Trusting the person that you are chatting with

ummmm1234

ummmm1234

Tourist
So...
Been here a while and have had many private conversations with people. Not sure how to get to the point of trusting the person on the other end of the computer screen. I feel the need to share my experience strength and hope with others, but can't fully unload becasue of that lack of trust. Not sure if anyone has dealt with this or has any advice they can share but yeah, thought I'd post and see what I get.
 
Its a difficult thing. Trust is very hard to gain online. I just give benefit of the doubt, i share thing i feel comfortable with sharing.
I tend to initiate alot of conversations so i also try to make it easy for people to trust me by being as transparent as possible. But i still do wonder if i am trusted or being too over the top or chatty...
 
Building trust with anyone in this community is and should be a slow process of getting to know each other and establishing repore. This process will be different for everyone however it will only get you so far and the universal truth is that at some point you'll just have to take a leap of faith.
 
It's good and bad that trust goes both ways. On either side of the conversation the person is trying to gain trust while trying to earn it. Some people you just click with and trust happens very fast but this is also just "online" It's never came up for me yet for the opportunity to acrually meet up with another ZV member. I'm staying hopeful though. There's definately a few members I would swing by tomorrow if the distance wasn't a huge stumbling block. ^-^
 
I've spent my entire life with trust issues, especially with family so trust has always been something difficult for me. That being said there's a big difference on friendship trust and truly trusting someone for me, not to say I'm being fake or anything with friends. I'll always be polite to people until they give me a reason not to be, even even the DF section my jabs at people aren't serious at all, I'd happily still have a conversation with each and everyone one of the people I disagree with. Hell even my post history tells a lot about me so if someone wants to get a feel, just look there or shoot me a dm you know? But that's all different than actually getting personal and emotionally (even just on a friendly basis) invested with someone, that takes so much time for me even if I act open and tell a lot about myself. It's just tough for me with my past, doubt I'll ever change on that end. My biggest thing is just time, people always reveal themselves over time, good or bad.
 
Years ago not an issue, now, one never knows. Fear of entrapment. Fear of non-confidentiality.

But on the old BF site and maybe on this site, there were some good rules for meeting others. Like meeting in a pubic place, no animals, etc. Maybe with the new virtual meeting technologies, there are non-zoo internet sites that can be used to initially meet someone.

I imagine, the old delema between the "haves" and the "have nots" will always be an issue.
 
I actually start from the opposite end. initially 100% trust is given and each red flag if any drops trust level down. I dont devuldge anything that can indentify me until a significant length of time has passed with maintaining a high level of trust. Only way to egt someone else to open up is to trust them to some extent. If 2 people totally don't trust one another an opportunity may be missed to make a connection that could lead to something great. Who TF knows but the more people you give that chance to the better chance of meeting a friend. Give it a try folks!!!!!
 
Nach meiner Erfahrung sind viele Benutzer nicht wirklich interessiert, nur Bildersammler, und das Gespräch ist sehr einseitig.
 
ummmm1234 said:
So...
Been here a while and have had many private conversations with people. Not sure how to get to the point of trusting the person on the other end of the computer screen. I feel the need to share my experience strength and hope with others, but can't fully unload becasue of that lack of trust. Not sure if anyone has dealt with this or has any advice they can share but yeah, thought I'd post and see what I get.
Click to expand...
I like to just take it slow.

I like to think about it this way: I only need a small number of really close friends over the course of my lifetime. If only a few people in the world are willing to listen to me carry on about my pet interests or tolerate my eccentric habits, then they are still far too many people for me to make time for. Also, I plan on living for a very long time, so I do not really feel any time-pressure. Because of this confidence, I do not have any sense of desperation to find enough people. I am self-sufficient, but if I get along with someone, I do indeed, eventually, like them. I am in no rush.

Therefore, in your situation, I would urge you to merely relax. Desperation makes people impulsive.
 
SigmatoZeta said:
I like to just take it slow.

I like to think about it this way: I only need a small number of really close friends over the course of my lifetime. If only a few people in the world are willing to listen to me carry on about my pet interests or tolerate my eccentric habits, then they are still far too many people for me to make time for. Also, I plan on living for a very long time, so I do not really feel any time-pressure. Because of this confidence, I do not have any sense of desperation to find enough people. I am self-sufficient, but if I get along with someone, I do indeed, eventually, like them. I am in no rush.

Therefore, in your situation, I would urge you to merely relax. Desperation makes people impulsive.
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I am not like forcing the issue. But I don't want to waste my time speaking with someone for hours, days, when I get the feeling that there is something dishonest going on. Ya know?
I am all about getting to know people, building a connection, but when someone tells me everything that I want to hear or they think I want to hear, I am kinda like.... ehhhhhhhhhhhh. I don't know bout this guy!
 
ummmm1234 said:
I am not like forcing the issue. But I don't want to waste my time speaking with someone for hours, days, when I get the feeling that there is something dishonest going on. Ya know?
I am all about getting to know people, building a connection, but when someone tells me everything that I want to hear or they think I want to hear, I am kinda like.... ehhhhhhhhhhhh. I don't know bout this guy!
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That is sensible. I have far too much else going on to make a huge investment in one new person, honestly, even one that I like.
 
It is good to be cautious when dealing with new people and of course over the internet anyone of us could be a fake with ill intention. Unfortunately we have no way of truly knowing who we can trust right away, Time is your best friend in this matter as others have already stated fake people tend to make mistakes given enough time. Build trust with others slowly and always make sure its a two way street, Don't reveal anything you wouldn't say publicly until you are sure of the person you are talking to. When you do find a person you can trust and who trusts NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES betray that trust.
 
It can be scary to talk to someone new. But, if they're genuine they probably feel the same way. Though there's really no reason to fear just talking with no special agreements being made or too much personal info being given out. Just don't be afraid to be honest, ask questions, and ask for the same in return.

As others have said, time is your best friend. Anyone I've met from online talked with me for two years or more before we ever met and there were no expectations when we did. Some creep or anti is not going to spend two years talking with someone before they want to meet. In that time they will say plenty of things to lead you to the truth of who they really are anyway.

Spend time earning and giving trust with new folks you talk to. Be safe, and use your head. You can never go wrong trusting a gut feeling about someone. But never trusting anyone new can cause you to miss out on having a great friend.
 
Trust has always been hard because exposure could have really bad consequences obviously.
I'm old so I remember back to the BBS days which may have been actually nicer.
If you were interested in zoo you had to search out one of the few places that was out there. People couldn't just Google it. So those that found there way in were generally really zoo people, and as a couple (myself, girlfriend and her two boys) we were able to meet other couples generally. But even then there was a lot of back and forth until we felt safe enough to arrange a in person meet in a public place. Wound up meeting 3 other couples and one single woman, all which turned out OK. Turned down maybe 10 others because it just didn't "feel" right. So always trust those feelings even if it means you miss out.
I'm not sure how many people I could really trust today. Too many pretenders just showing up constantly.
 
You can't even trust a cam chat. They can fake the image of the person you're talking to with a CGI one. It is a tool that the FBI has been using against online child predators.
 
Depends on what kind of information you're trusting them with. If it's anything that can identify you, your location, family, etc... For me I'd never risk it. Unless youre in a position where you can easily just pack up and move to a new location, not much family...

A lot of things to consider, obviously.
 
Time and effort really.
Don’t give more then you need and don’t mingle with ones that always start with sexual context.
Which is rude in my opinion. Having good judgment and getting to know someone in different angles can help. But what do I know. I only know one person on here like that.
 
Bloodwolf said:
Time and effort really.
Don’t give more then you need and don’t mingle with ones that always start with sexual context.
Which is rude in my opinion. Having good judgment and getting to know someone in different angles can help. But what do I know. I only know one person on here like that.
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Oh? And who'd that be?
 
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