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So... am I a nut-job?

IHO

IHO

Citizen of Zooville
Hello!
I am IHO, short for "InHeatOnline".
A couple decades back, I was very prevalent in the community. I had a few of my own websites, one of which showcased my own homemade porn and an another that was a TGP for men-with-female-animals galleries and websites. I was also a moderator in a forum hosted by the PetLust guys for a while.

I've been attracted to animals as far back as I can remember. My first sexual fantasies were about female animal Disney characters. I enjoyed masturbating with my animal plushies. I lost my virginity to a friend's German Shepherd that flagged me while I was in their bathroom (which is posted here in the Stories forum). I've fondled mares, and have had (unforced) sex with both dogs and sheep, and made some videos of some of those relations for myself, but have shared them for those who appreciate it. I hope to share more should I be so fortunate to have such relations again.

Zoophilia feels "normal" to me. I know the majority shuns it, and I have been wise enough from an early age to keep it to myself. I don't stress about it, nor have I ever felt guilt or shame. Now I call it my personal "happy place" that nobody knows about except in forums like ZooVille (which I love, by the way). The only 2 people In Real Life I feel I could have "come out" to are dead now, and I really have no desire to be open about it to anybody except in this environment, where not only do I love to read and participate in discussions, but also share media when possible.

I am very much a consensual lover. I absolutely will not force myself on an animal that shows any signs of disinterest or discomfort. I prefer it when THEY initiate the sexual interest. While I haven't surrounded myself with animals, I have been very fortunate to know a few that either came on to me themselves, or didn't care what I was doing with them.

You may have seen my video with Snow, the Sexy Alaskan Malamute. To be absolutely candid, she was the love-of-my-life thus far, and that was nearly 20 years ago. She was amazing, and very horny when in-heat, and also accepted me off-season. We were inseparable for many years. Unless there were "no dogs allowed", she was with me. And that was what was beautiful about her: she didn't care what I was doing or where I was going as long as she could come along. She was such a happy dog. Not once did I ever see her get aggressive with any other dog or human. She slept in my bed with me every night for many years. I had a connection with her that I've never felt with people. She was smart, too. She could think around problems and achieve her goals. I taught her hand signals that she would respond to as far away as she could see them. She was always there for me, and I was always there for her. I even had her spayed when she got older to protect her from pyometra because she was more important to me than the sex. When she died, I was a fucking wreck for a few years. Even self-destructive with alcohol to the point that I ended up in the hospital. I have not had a non-human lover since her. But I survived that loss, and here I am, existing.

After Snow, I shut down for many years. I disappeared from the online zoo/beast scene. I destroyed all my personal animal porn and pretended I was not a zoophile. I had a few human relationships that lasted for a few years - some as many as 7+ years - but eventually it fizzled out. People are so much more complicated. I can't blame them; it's their life, they want want they want and they should strive for that. But after time shared life paths and goals can become skewed and you're biting each other's heads off at every opportunity.

I have been on my own for many years since my last human relationship. I'm okay with that, but it can be lonely. I made a choice to be zoo exclusive, even though I didn't have any animal prospects. I have had many dogs since Snow, but none have been my lovers. I rescue dogs from shelters - mostly older dogs with their days numbered, and I keep no more than 2 at a time - but they have all been "fixed" before I adopted them and have no sexual interest. That is totally okay with me; I don't adopt seeking a sex partner. That's not my M.O. If I find one that seems to connect with me, I just want to bring them home and provide a happy home for them to live out their life in. I have had more than a few that have died or been put down in my arms, and I cry like a baby every time.

I'm 50. That's right. I can hardly believe it myself. Where does the time go? I'm the same age Fausty was when he died of cancer. I read the book about him... such a tragedy. I'm glad he found some joy doing the Zooier Than Thou podcast and a loving, accepting partner before he left us. I chatted with him on a few occasions and was always impressed with his knowledge and wisdom (and staggering vocabulary... there were words he used I had to look up). Wish I could have met him in person; we probably would have gotten along and had some laughs.

I like sharing my personal porn. I hope to have more to share in the near future. I'm not sure what the "thing" about it is, but I relish the appreciation from those who enjoy it. I am a voyeur and exhibitionist, I suppose. I like other people's animal porn (provided it's homemade and their partner is willing or indifferent), and sharing my own. The fact that most deem it an extreme taboo, immoral or in some places illegal only makes it that much more fun for me.

I feel normal. I have a good career, and consider myself a productive member of society. I interact with humans well enough, and most people seem to like me. They don't know I'm a zoosexual, of course. That's none of their business.

I have no desire to talk to a therapist. Why would I if I don't feel "broken", nor have any hangups about my sexuality? I have seen therapists for other things and they never told me anything about me I didn't already know, whether I was dealing with it directly or not. If I'm to talk to anyone about zoophilia, I'd rather it be with another zoo than a psycho analyst.

I recently came into possession of a new, young, intact girl. She's a cattle-dog mix and a handful. I love her to death, even if she is a pain in my ass sometimes. However, I am not "grooming" nor "training" her as a sex partner. It must happen naturally for me to be okay with it. She recently went through her first heat... which I posted some pictures of her cute, puffy vulva from... but I am resolute on not making it a sexual thing unless she does. Of course I hope she wants me when she's ready... I really, REALLY do, but it won't change how I feel about her or treat her if she doesn't show such interest in me. She will always have a happy, playful and safe home here regardless.

I like dogs more than people. I have never met a dog that didn't like me. Even those that are "mean" or "don't like strangers" seem to warm up to me eventually. And they are what keeps me sane and distracted from the chaos that is humanity.

So... am I crazy? I don't feel crazy. I feel totally normal and average. I am an introvert and social outcast, and I prefer it that way. I get along well enough with people, but I do not seek/crave their company, nor their approval. Am I a deviant pervert worthy of being shunned by society? If so, I don't really care. I LOVE being a zoophile, and I always have. I'm not prideful... it's not about that. As I've said in other posts, I don't really care about being "accepted" as a zoophile, I'd just prefer not to worry about legal issues over it. It's mine and mine alone. I only come out in environments such as ZooVille.
 
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You are not much older than me, I have been active for thirty years myself. Like you I love my animal companions, they are not just for sex. If one wants sex so be it, if they just want to be a cuddle buddy I am just as happy.

You are no more crazy than I am, never thought of myself as anything other than normal, not wrong or evil and all the BS the rest of the world would like to think about us.

I too know your pain all too well, I have lost my share of lovers over the years, each hurts like hell, said my final goodbye to my Arabian lover of twenty five years not more than a half year ago.
 
I’ve sucked does off and let one slide his knot in me. I was 13 when I started am now 23. Only played with dogs, m&f
 
IHO said:
That's the one! I remember Ian's Zoo Links as well; I had the banner cross-linked on InHeatOnline. (y)
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I loved beastboard, felt like a real community, I had even planned to go meet some folks off there like Shep! Wish places now had enough stability to grow to that point. Substantive discussion on our collective identity as zoos. Not that I’m opposed to the more salacious topics (and jerkin materials). I think zooville is definitely getting there. Lots of new faces in the community ?

I also miss all the howtos and materials people wrote on how to come out. I recently came out to the love of my life and had spent days trying to find those reading materials to give to her, but just had to wing it instead. (She was very understanding and happy that I shared, even though it’s not something-she was immediately interested in herself.)

wish I would have visited inheatonline
 
@IHO

What is going on is that zoophiles are being used as a scapegoat. Some people cannot actually get at actual perpetrators of gross sexual harassment due to problems with the laws that protect the rights of women, so they keep on taking liberties with women that they are told over and over again that those women clearly do not appreciate. Based on incomplete information and a couple of tidy-sounding syllogisms based on false equivalence, they can construe zoophiles as people that go around taking liberties with (presumably female) animals. We are less able to defend ourselves because we were seen as utterly ridiculous even during our bygone golden age of facile social tolerance (rather, we were being ignored because we were doing less to defend our own rights while other groups were out there waving the signs and fighting their particular culture wars. They got shit on for it just like our own activists are getting shit on now, and the distraction sheltered us from being noticed for a while). The fact that we are utterly defenseless and easily made into a whipping boy led to the only logical conclusion: they want to dump out their own pain and frustration somewhere, it is hard for us to defend ourselves under current conditions, so they dump it on us. We are effectively a rage-dumpster, at present.

We also brought it very much on ourselves. When other groups were out on the front lines fighting their culture wars and while LGBT, even ones who were still kids, were proving they would rather face homelessness than stay in the closet a minute longer, we stayed mostly silent, maybe assuming that other minority groups would do all of the work for us to fight back against moral oppression. When even the BDSM culture became socially acceptable, I think we grew even more complacent, but the BDSM culture were also out on the front lines of the fight for liberation, even from the very beginning. We haven't done shit. We had every intention of letting other people do all of the work for us and take all of the risks for us. In many ways, we have really brought our current circumstances upon ourselves.

That's no reason why we ought to pardon people that are using us as a whipping boy, though. They know what they are doing, and they ought to be ashamed of themselves. We need to start having more spine about calling those creeps out. That is part of the work. That is part of the agon that goes with the territory whenever you are standing up for yourself.

There is not really a single thing wrong with you that was not also wrong with gay people in the 1950's. You are different in a way that our society has not yet had a chance to come to grips with and understand.
 
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Thank you for writing and sharing this IHO, it's helped to pry my stogy old mind open a bit and I genuinely appreciate that.

It may not be a popular opinion around here but the only problematic thing I see is with making/posting the porn. -Not because I think consensual porn, exhibitionism, or voyeurism are inherently wrong or harmful, but because it's really impossible to guarantee the safety of posting in terms of the traceability of modern tech, and I feel you should place you responsibilities to you animals safety/security above your own desires.
 
Sun&Seed said:
but because it's really impossible to guarantee the safety of posting in terms of the traceability of modern tech, and I feel you should place you responsibilities to you animals safety/security above your own desires.
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Understood and considered. However, I am no slouch when it comes to internet security and anonymity. And it's entirely possible I'll never have a non-human sex partner again since it's not something I actively pursue or try to make happen, it's just something I've been lucky enough to have had a few times in my life. All my animal encounters have been golden sunbeams of chance or opportunity. Even Snow was not initially intended to be a sex partner, it just kind of happened naturally. I was fortunate that she was a pure-bred and AKC registered, and as such "allowed" to remain intact in my area. With Ember, my new mixed-breed girl, every time we visit the vet they ask about spaying. Every time. And to actually keep her intact I'll need to pay a fee eventually. That never came up with Snow. Not once.
 
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IHO said:
Understood and considered. However, I am no slouch when it comes to internet security and anonymity. And it's entirely possible I'll never have a non-human sex partner again since it's not something I actively pursue or try to make happen, it's just something I've been lucky enough to have had a few times in my life. All my animal encounters have been golden sunbeams of chance or opportunity. Even Snow was not initially intended to be a sex partner, it just kind of happened naturally. I was fortunate that she was a pure-bred and AKC registered, and as such "allowed" to remain intact in my area. With Ember, my new mixed-breed girl, every time we visit the vet they ask about spaying. Every time. And to actually keep her intact I'll need to pay a fee eventually. That never came up with Snow. Not once.
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I would like to chat with someone like you seem very attached to your fur friends.
 
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... Also, Ember is not growing to the size I was expecting from her mix. Even if she does show sexual interest in me during her coming heats, it may be entirely possible that it won't work out. She may be too small and I am certainly not going to try anything that could hurt her. But she still has a little way to go in the 18 month to 2 year growth period.
 
I am under no delusion that there will be another relationship like the one I had with Snow in my lifetime. It's entirely possible that she was my moment of true joy on this journey. I can cherish the memories of the connections we shared, and be hopeful to have such connections again, but I am not disconnected from reality. I may only have animal companions - not lovers - for the rest of my days. And since about 2 years ago I have chosen to be zoo-exclusive, yet don't procure animals for the purpose of sex, I have accepted the possibility that from here on out my life could be sexless. But hey, there will always be porn and I have both my hands! ?
 
IHO said:
I am under no delusion that there will be another relationship like the one I had with Snow in my lifetime. It's entirely possible that she was my moment of true joy on this journey. I can cherish the memories of the connections we shared, and be hopeful to have such connections again, but I am not disconnected from reality. I may only have animal companions - not lovers - for the rest of my days. And since about 2 years ago I have chosen to be zoo-exclusive, yet don't procure animals for the purpose of sex, I have accepted the possibility that from here on out my life could be sexless. But hey, there will always be porn and I have both my hands! ?
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Im upset that your beloved snow is your main lover. How did you get over that crushed feeling when she died? Did you have lovely photos for your memories of your happy times could be as casual as a happy couple photo i hope you have something to remember her. I have my main girl as my 1st yet shes very meaningful to me. Im scared of that day... When she departs
 
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Neighboor said:
I loved beastboard, felt like a real community, I had even planned to go meet some folks off there like Shep!
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Quite a few of us BB regs still around, albeit somewhat dispersed around the net.
Including that shepherdy shep if he's the same one I'm thinking of. ;)

IHO said:
That's the one! I remember Ian's Zoo Links as well; I had the banner cross-linked on InHeatOnline. (y)
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Mhmm; you're well remembered from various places back in the day, IHO.

But, to answer the topic; "no"... and I suspect that's the same answer that was given a couple of decades, too!
All the be(a)st; and to your new partner. :)
 
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Reconscope said:
How did you get over that crushed feeling when she died?
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I'm not sure I ever really have. As mentioned, I decended into a period of darkness where I denied my zoosexuality and crawled into a bottle until I almost died. But the sun keeps rising and the hurt turned into a kind of sorrowed appreciation. I will always love her.
 
IHO said:
I'm not sure I ever really have. As mentioned, I decended into a period of darkness where I denied my zoosexuality and crawled into a bottle until I almost died. But the sun keeps rising and the hurt turns to a kind of sorrowed appreciation.
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Is that your lovely Snow as your avatar?
 
Reconscope said:
Is that your lovely Snow as your avatar?
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No. She didn't have the dividing line down her forehead and the black streak extended to her nose, but it's the closest I could find as I don't really have any pictures that would make for a good avatar, and I didn't feel it would honor her if I used a cap from the sex video. While the sex was fucking great (and we had lots of sex), it did not define our relationship.
 
IHO said:
No. She didn't have the dividing line down her forehead and the black streak extended to her nose, but it's the closest I could find as I don't really have any pictures that would make for a good avatar, and I didn't feel it would honor her if I used a cap from the sex video.
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I understand... if only i saw her i can only imagine she was a great partner/support. If only i saw her patterns i would commit it to memory. I do feel your loss is great.
 
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Reconscope said:
I understand... if only i saw her i can only imagine she was a great partner/support. If only i saw her patterns i would commit it to memory. I do feel your loss is great.
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Well... you CAN see her, if you're into M/F dog porn. I shared the only vid I made with her here. She's sexy and BEAUTIFUL.
 
IHO said:
Well... you CAN see her, if you're into M/F dog porn. I shared the only vid I made with her here. She's sexy and BEAUTIFUL.
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Oh ill look at it if im able i wont fap though ill respect you/her memory the way partners see each other.

Its so emotional to me. :)
 
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You're welcome to fap. ? I still do when I watch it sometimes. The memories are good ones. I don't dwell in sorrow.
 
IHO said:
You're welcome to fap. ? I still do when I watch it sometimes. The memories are good ones. I don't dwell in sorrow.
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I looked it all i felt all your emotions she is so beautiful her coloring looked like God painted her smoothly. There is a afterlife dont worry you will see her again sometime. Sometimes the deceased visit us in dreams. Did she visit you? Im not religious either i just know spirits exist.
 
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