So it's been a while but I'm lonely and somewhat drunk. Came back to jack off for the umpteenth time but just found emptiness instead. Still working the same shitty job can't seem to break away from this cloud over head plenty of shit I could do but hey at least my situation is financially stable. At least I have a project I can get some enjoyment out of. At least I have a companion by my side but sometimes that's not enough. So im stuck with dark thoughts in my head at 2 3 4am. And I drink to forget and try to move on but I don't I stay right in the same spot days weeks months years even. Nothing has improved I'm still unhappy with work still don't have another lover cause I settled with a companion. And worst of all I don't have a place of my own cause living costs too much for 36k a year salary. Shits just fucked. I know it everyone knows it yet the world keeps turning and no one is helping fix it out of the ones that could. People tell me all the time it could be worse. Could be homeless jobless and need a transplant of sorts. My response well if shit keeps going the way it has all of those could be in a decade or so.