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Friends spotted?

dalmatianlover

dalmatianlover

Citizen of Zooville
Ok this is a bit surreal even for me. Recently I spotted a users (lurker) picture part of which was in a living room that I recognised immediately as I’d visited two weeks before. Naturally I messaged to say I had no idea they were into our discreet lifestyle. I got no reply. So when I bumped into the woman to whom the room belonged I mentioned to her (almost in code) that I’d recognised her living room online. (They are swingers who we know intimately on most levels) She didn’t know what I was talking about… so, I asked my hubbie to call hers and enquire directly about their profile on here. Now, we’re out for a drink and food at the weekend followed by who know what, question is do I get her pissed and spill the beans so to speak? Btw the picture changed the same day as hubbie called (coincidence?) I guess it could be one of them is sharing too much without the knowledge of the other.
 
It's a delicate situation.

Depending on how they are and the level you know them.

I would have probably just got together and make a comment about it her pet and go from there.
 
Agreed with Rex, if I was the person that someone would recognise like that, I would definitelly want to be left alone.

You getting no reply is clear sign that they do not wish to engage in anything relating zoo stuff with you either.
 
My advice is to not take that personally... we certainly have friends that we play with in some ways, but don't want to share other parts of our interests/experience with. That's not a slight on them, or a lack of interest in the things we do share with them. Sometimes it's just something we want to keep to ourselves. Sometimes it's not an issue with them in particular, so much as the circle of friends we share.

I'd drop it and accept the relationship you do have -- it sounds pretty positive.
 
there's nothing you could do or say to them without sounding like a total stalker
maybe start with an apology and have them contact you if they feel like it - otherwise let it be and never talk about it again
 
dalmatianlover said:
Ok this is a bit surreal even for me. Recently I spotted a users (lurker) picture part of which was in a living room that I recognised immediately as I’d visited two weeks before. Naturally I messaged to say I had no idea they were into our discreet lifestyle. I got no reply. So when I bumped into the woman to whom the room belonged I mentioned to her (almost in code) that I’d recognised her living room online. (They are swingers who we know intimately on most levels) She didn’t know what I was talking about… so, I asked my hubbie to call hers and enquire directly about their profile on here. Now, we’re out for a drink and food at the weekend followed by who know what, question is do I get her pissed and spill the beans so to speak? Btw the picture changed the same day as hubbie called (coincidence?) I guess it could be one of them is sharing too much without the knowledge of the other.
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I think I would have done exactly as you did. You were as discreet as possible, contacted them through the right channels without further exposing them, and was brave enough to let them know about your own beast kink. Pretty much evening out the playing field.

If they don't want to mix the two worlds, that's a different matter and up to them. But you didn't do anything out of line.

Honestly people should be mindful with the pictures they post and what it shows. Good rule of thumb is: People who KNOW you, will recognize you! Even with minimal information.
 
This was handled all wrong from the beginning. Sending them a message that you knew their personal interests (aka: Busted!) then following up with a phone call probably felt like an attack. I would have kept the information to myself, then when I got together with them in a friendly social setting mention my interest in the lifestyle and see if they bring up there's. If they don't, drop it.
 
I would feel to being stalked if someone wrote about recognising my room, then talked to me ‘on the street’, and later a phone call to my spouse. Only thing I could do would be deleting the post and act as nothing has happened.
My conclusion would be that that person is not reliable, he tries to push himself too close.
I have several times send a PM to someone (never recognised anyone) that their avatar or uploaded photos was too revealing. So that someone knowing them would immediately recognise him / her / it.
 
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Duscovering like minded people near you is tempting.
But of anything else, I would have sent them a message *through this site*, so they can check your profile and interests and tell them, if interested you may reveal yourself.

It is easier to delete their profile and think that never happened, that thinking of it every time they see you
 
My two cents? You went about it in the worst way possible. I get that they might be swingers but when it comes to zoophilia that's an entirely separate part of someone's life. If you two wanted to bring it up, you could have done so casually when the time was right, and that's without being invasive about it. You both screwed up and at this point it's just best to never bring it up again. If you do it'll probably spook them. I know I would be.
 
I'm bi and I always suspected a girl that I briefly dated to be into this and over the pandemic I saw a rare video of her with her dog. I wasn't surprised. I remembered the dog's name and it was definitely her with her tattoos. The video was old by its release, but that's my only experience sussing somebody out.
 
dalmatianlover said:
Ok this is a bit surreal even for me. Recently I spotted a users (lurker) picture part of which was in a living room that I recognised immediately as I’d visited two weeks before. Naturally I messaged to say I had no idea they were into our discreet lifestyle. I got no reply. So when I bumped into the woman to whom the room belonged I mentioned to her (almost in code) that I’d recognised her living room online. (They are swingers who we know intimately on most levels) She didn’t know what I was talking about… so, I asked my hubbie to call hers and enquire directly about their profile on here. Now, we’re out for a drink and food at the weekend followed by who know what, question is do I get her pissed and spill the beans so to speak? Btw the picture changed the same day as hubbie called (coincidence?) I guess it could be one of them is sharing too much without the knowledge of the other.
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I mean no offense by this, but wow! Were you ever nosy! What was gained by your choice to say anything? What good could come of that? Imagine their absolute SHOCK when they were approached by you with your statements about seeing their living room!

You said, "They are swingers who we know intimately on most levels." So what? You should know all their private stuff? No.
Both of you have matters/things kept private from everyone, including each other, even sexual matters. Maybe especially sexual matters.

Don't be surprised if they cancel their weekend dinner date with you, unless it's to tell you off and end things with you and hubby.
It's too late now to do anything about it. That horse has left the barn.
 
I really don't get this.

You choose to take a picture, you control and choose what's in the picture, you decide of your own free will to post that picture online in a forum that's basically public (needs an email account, whoopididoo) intentionally to, among other things, show off...

And when someone with half a neuron notices you, you're freaked out? And any attempt to engage is a breach of some privacy that you yourself relinquished by, you know, posting your own living room in public??

Nah, sorry. This don't fly. You have 100% control of your privacy, and it's simple and easy to protect it: Don't make it public.
 
Sorry for the double post, just wanted to add this:

It's not like this couple is being doxxed or under some inquisition by a church pastor or worse, a Karen. It's someone who has the same kink, the same secret about their own lives, under the same dangers and risks. Even playing field.
 
robb-nokuy said:
I really don't get this.

You choose to take a picture, you control and choose what's in the picture, you decide of your own free will to post that picture online in a forum that's basically public (needs an email account, whoopididoo) intentionally to, among other things, show off...

And when someone with half a neuron notices you, you're freaked out? And any attempt to engage is a breach of some privacy that you yourself relinquished by, you know, posting your own living room in public??

Nah, sorry. This don't fly. You have 100% control of your privacy, and it's simple and easy to protect it: Don't make it public.
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If they contacted them once via a message - fine, it's kinda understandable. But trying to get them to talk about it on multiple occasion, especially over the phone or in person, that is unjustifiable behaviour on the op's part. They clearly don't want to talk about it, and the fact that they uploaded it publicaly doesn't count as a free pass to keep probing them about it.
 
RexShepherd said:
Imagine someone comes up to you out of the blue and starts telling you your bank account info and pincode because, dude, you go to the same bank. And all he did was take a peek into your private information.
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That isn't the same situation at all.

If I had inadvertently exposed my pincode I would respond with "thank you for the heads up kind stranger. Yes it is cool we use the same bank. Let me repay you with a cup of coffee."

Which is a bit more normal and grown-up than freaking out, wouldn't you say?
 
robb-nokuy said:
That isn't the same situation at all.

If I had inadvertently exposed my pincode I would respond with "thank you for the heads up kind stranger. Yes it is cool we use the same bank. Let me repay you with a cup of coffee."

Which is a bit more normal and grown-up than freaking out, wouldn't you say?
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Unfortunately, it's people like you who get stolen from, ripped off, defrauded and blackmailed every single day.
There is such a thing as "too nice." You'd better get your guard up, and keep it up. That "kind stranger" of whom you spoke could turn that whole thing into a very effective con. (NOTE: I don't know how. Some of those people are very clever. They'd find a way.)
 
dalmatianlover said:
Ok, esto es un poco surrealista incluso para mí. Recientemente vi la imagen de un usuario (lurker) parte de la cual estaba en una sala de estar que reconocí de inmediato ya que la había visitado dos semanas antes. Naturalmente, envié un mensaje para decir que no tenía idea de que les gustaba nuestro estilo de vida discreto. No obtuve respuesta. Entonces, cuando me encontré con la mujer a la que pertenecía la habitación, le mencioné (casi en código) que había reconocido su sala de estar en línea. (Son swingers que conocemos íntimamente en la mayoría de los niveles) Ella no sabía de lo que estaba hablando... así que le pedí a mi esposo que la llamara y preguntara directamente sobre su perfil aquí. Ahora, saldremos a tomar una copa y comer el fin de semana seguido de quién sabe qué, La pregunta es si la hago enojar y derramar los frijoles, por así decirlo. Por cierto, la imagen cambió el mismo día que su esposo llamó (¿coincidencia?) Supongo que podría ser que uno de ellos esté compartiendo demasiado sin el conocimiento del otro.
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Coincidence...?...possibly...although more out of insecurity...knowing that you were recognized in your living room would have made him feel stupid if he hadn't been cautious and vulnerable. I think your state of arousal made you not act accordingly the calmest way... you were very blunt and tactless. Like you said, you know them from swingers parties and supposedly they had sex... but that doesn't give you confidence... it's a rule in swingers... I recommend caution at dinner... discussing the subject directly would be unwise.. .because the point is that you don't know who our community user is, if it's him or her and your spouse doesn't know or if
 
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I hope everything goes well and that you have a connection with the couple... good luck You haven't said the reasons why you acted...?? but I imagine the two couples and the two four-legged friends.....oh my god
 
robb-nokuy said:
That isn't the same situation at all.

If I had inadvertently exposed my pincode I would respond with "thank you for the heads up kind stranger. Yes it is cool we use the same bank. Let me repay you with a cup of coffee."

Which is a bit more normal and grown-up than freaking out, wouldn't you say?
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You're really working hard to convince us you're a fool, aren't you?
You can stop anytime - your mission has been accomplished.
 
robb-nokuy said:
Comfy shoes? ;)

They suit you so well.

Now kindly leave me alone. Toodaloo.
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I presume you think (wrongly, but we'll not address that at this point) you're being clever, and have just hit me with a "major zinger". Bad news, sunshine - It just ain't so. All you're managing is to demonstrate that you don't have the sense god gave a grasshopper.

In case you hadn't noticed, this is a lifestyle where *ONE WRONG WORD* slipping into the wrong ear can cause consequences ranging from imprisonment and effectively, total destruction of someone's life, to their critters being mutilated or destroyed.

When you figure that out, come on back and let us have the benefit of your wisdom. All you're doing right now is trying to horn in where you're not wanted, offering advice that's not just bad, but actively dangerous, to both people and critters, and patting yourself on the back over how good a job you're doing. All the while showing those of us who have been around this block more than a few times that you're part of the problem.

Give it a rest, dude. Someone poking their nose where it doesn't belong, as the OP did, isn't just a small misunderstanding - it carries the very real potential for *SERIOUS* harm.

But hey, you'll just blow this off the same way you've done with the rest of what you've been told, so I guess that leaves only one thing to do - write you off as hopeless and move on. Spare yourself the effort of coming up with some sort of what you think is a "witty response". You've already made it very clear where you stand. Just do everybody a favor - make sure we're kept advised where that is, so that we can avoid being clobbered by the fallout from your foolishness.
 
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