I know EXACTLY how you feel... I have struggled alot with guilts, shame and even depression in the past...
You are very lucky that you've found this forum where you can share your thoughts and feelings with other people (I didn't know any sites or forums back then).
If you've enjoyed it there is no reason whatsoever to feel like this, but you might just need some time to adjust and get over these feelings.
There is a possibility that at one time you should make a choice if you want this to be a part of your lifestyle and sexuality or not (e.g. a partner that you truly love but wouldn't like it). But in any case the decision should be yours and only yours to make.
Just take care and keep your moments 100% private, enjoy life, enjoy yourself and enjoy your dog.
?
Exactly.
I'm exactly at that point I feel I have to make a decision. For me it's about to be happy in long term. Nobody I know want to live alone (you will see how this is related later, if not now)
Short story of myself:
First I get in contact (only visually) with zoo was maybe 8 years ago. Just a bit. I only watched zoo porn maybe 1-2 times a year. Feeling guilty everytime and said at silvester to myself "next year, no zoo porn, not only once!". And I didn't. Than someday after 2 years I wanted to know if it still turns me on that much(?) It did. Stupid idea, it was a quick test. Paused again. Afterwards I was in a relationship and thought about it to tell her (I didn't told her because we knew it wasn't a life-time-relationship). At that time I lived in a shared apartment. There I had everyday people and friends around me. Then I moved out (issues with a member of the shared apartment), now I'm alone, contact with friends decreased.
You can guess what happend. I registrated to that forum, read more and watched more zoo porn than ever before. Reminds me on a phrase of a song (lemon tree) "isolation is not good for me". Can 100% agree with that at the moment.
Now I want to make a clean cut. The goal is just to be happy as possible in long-term. I'm feeling like I'm not that deep into K9 that I REALLY need it. I'm a young chicken compared to the most users here. But the more I deal with it, the more intense the tendency becomes. So 2 Options came to my mind:
- Option 1: Delete everything about zoo, make a clean cut and never think or touch it again. Meet more with friends and live your life (sounds good actually).
- Option 2: Continue that topic aside and adapt your life to it. Read books and spend more time in like-minded people (not always the best option). Risk loving a woman from all your heart, who doesn't share your kink you delevoped after the past years (-> probably become not fully happy with that - good relationships haven't secrets). Be a pervert and accept yourself.
Once you accept it, it might seems easy, but not if you can't share it with your life-partner.
Can you find just one single person that suits you, loves you AND share your kink? The chances are like 1: 1 000 000.
I can be happy with option 1. The earlier I begin with it, the better it is.
The next two months (at latest 01.2022) I'm going to do my decision.