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Don’t Wake the Mods!

I'll definitely need to find a better excuse myself. I'm using "I'm busy trying to advance myself within my job field. I'm semi-looking around with online dating but so far I haven't clicked with anyone." I can only use that for so long, and probably not very long.
 
I’ve already made it very well known to everyone around me that I never want kids. I say it’s because I want freedom, money, I don’t want the responsibility of raising a kid. But then they sometimes come back with, there are plenty of girls out there who don’t want kids also.
 
Yup, “I don’t want kids” or “Don’t want to settle down" and "I just wanna tame strange for a while” are all valid excuses for a few years, eventually they’ll call your bluff. My excuse was…I don’t know, I couldn’t come up with anything. I fled California and have been hiding in the PNW instead. Don’t tell my family where I am.

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Think I suck at online dating.. certainly not my thing
My only hope of salvation is finding a zoo woman on here that either is zooexclusive looking for a "beard," or a woman that's fine with me being in a relationship with my doggy wife, either one would be fine with me. (Good luck Floofy, you and almost every other guy on here.) Although I'm only in zoo relationship at the moment, I'm not exactly zooexclusive either. I'm like 60% attracted to canines, 30% attracted to women, and 10% attracted to other animals.
 
My only hope of salvation is finding a zoo woman on here that either is an zooexclusive looking for a "beard"
This is my only hope since I cannot stand the idea of even having a female roommate / platonic partner. I'd consider a male roommate but that doesn't exactly solve my "normal" problem, though "gay" is certainly more "normal" than "zoo."
 
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A "beard" is usually defined as a member of the opposite sex that a gay person dates or marries in order to hide their homosexuality. I'd argue that it could be used to describe any human a zoo dates, marries, or lives with in order to hide their zooiness.
 
I’ve seen you and @Octavian use this term now. What exactly does it mean?
Traditionally, it was a term used to describe a woman (often lesbian) that would get into a fake relationship with a gay man so that he could hide the fact that he was gay from friends and family (and often so she could hide the fact that she is a lesbian, although this isn't always the case.)

Or more simply put, a fake girlfriend to hide the fact that a gay man was gay. We're just repurposing the word for zoo purposes.
 
Traditionally, it was a term used to describe a woman (often lesbian) that would get into a fake relationship with a gay man so that he could hide the fact that he was gay from friends and family. Or more simply put, a fake girlfriend to hide the fact that a gay man was gay. We're just repurposing the word for zoo purposes.
Ahhh okay that’s kinda what I was thinking. Thanks.
 
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I should consider thinking about pondering the fact that I might need to go to bed soon. Mandatory overtime day tomorrow, hurray.
 
I did, I listened to the first episode and the second super short...April Fools? episode. I'm about halfway through the third episode.

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