Am I the only one whose brain is wired in that specific way?

S

SweetyK9

Tourist
Hello,
I know that several topics are lying around and that various opinions are there, but for the first time on this forum I wanted to have the courage to open up completely on a subject that has been stressing me for a long time (could be TLDR) .

To start, I hope I'm in the right section. I'm willing to hear anything too, as long as things stay in thoughtful discussion, not aggression or criticism. I respect your values and if I come to explain my problem to you it is perhaps to relieve it, certainly, but also to feel less alone, probably. I think, mainly, it's to know if I'm thinking in an acceptable way or if it seems illogical and messy to you.
So let's try to explain things as they come. I tend to totally separate my feelings with a girl (a human), and with a doggie girl. I don't know if I consider my bestiality a sexual orientation, I sincerely believe so, but it's more complicated. I therefore consider that being in a relationship with a girl and having an intimate relationship (not necessarily sexual) with a bitch is possible because each brings a stone to the building, and one cannot never be the other.
Let me explain: With a woman, I can project myself. Glimpse a future, discuss projects, build a story, build our empire, in a certain way. With a woman, I can get engaged, get married... do romantic activities on themes that suit us. We can establish rules, limits, know our dreams, our passions, etc.
But a doggie girl has a much purer and more innocent love. On the other hand, even if we both do our best, it will remain platonic. Taking my dog to a beach to have a good time is possible. Chatting with her on this same beach in front of a sunset is more complicated. I also see myself less inviting my dog to a great restaurant for a date...
Okay, the way I explain things is a little chaotic, but I hope you get the idea. In summary, I have a hard time establishing that being with my dogo is cheating on my girlfriend. Just like if she had a relationship with her dog, I wouldn't have a problem with that, even if I don't know how she would think about it. I don't feel the same feelings for either of them at all. They're like two parts of me that I need. Two major elements of my life that bring me very distinct love and affection. I put them on an equal footing, and yet I perceive them very differently. But I love them both with all my heart.
Am I the only one who has this view of things? Am I the only one who feels these feelings that are so good, but at the same time so contradictory, Like I'm a bit in conflict? What do you think about it ?
Thank you so much for reading me. It was difficult. It's like my brain is exploding.
 
Oh I forgot to add: I'm not seeing my dog as a fetish. I'm really in love with her. And everything that is said in the first post concerns both the love part and the sex part.
 
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I think honesty goes a long way ,but what would you want to choose? Lying and keeping secrets or have her understand why which won't have a major damage in your relationship later .
 
Theunis323 said:
I think honesty goes a long way ,but what would you want to choose? Lying and keeping secrets or have her understand why which won't have a major damage in your relationship later .
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I prefer honesty, of course. And thanks to yours. But to be honest about it after 8 years, it's not simple. I buried this part before knowing it without really consciously noticing it. And once I was with her, I did even worse. But you know, the deeper you push a balloon into the water, the harder it comes out splashing the surrounding area.
Do you guess what could happen ? "Hello my love. I have something to confess to you. I'm zoo since I'm teenager, maybe more than that. And I'm hiding it from you since 8 years now. I tried to bury this deep inside of me out of love for you. There you go, you know everything! SO, are you mad at me, darling?"
Seriously. I don't want to hurt her or make her feel disgusted with me. Am I... forced to make a choice, then? between loving my fiancée, and loving my dog? I don't want to lose her, but I don't want to loose my love for my doggie...
 
SweetyK9 said:
I prefer honesty, of course. And thanks to yours. But to be honest about it after 8 years, it's not simple. I buried this part before knowing it without really consciously noticing it. And once I was with her, I did even worse. But you know, the deeper you push a balloon into the water, the harder it comes out splashing the surrounding area.
Do you guess what could happen ? "Hello my love. I have something to confess to you. I'm zoo since I'm teenager, maybe more than that. And I'm hiding it from you since 8 years now. I tried to bury this deep inside of me out of love for you. There you go, you know everything! SO, are you mad at me, darling?"
Seriously. I don't want to hurt her or make her feel disgusted with me. Am I... forced to make a choice, then? between loving my fiancée, and loving my dog? I don't want to lose her, but I don't want to loose my love for my doggie...
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You then have a difficult task between both ,you love her ,you love the dog. Maybe approach her in different angles slowly in time to see her reactions 🤷
 
Theunis323 said:
You then have a difficult task between both ,you love her ,you love the dog. Maybe approach her in different angles slowly in time to see her reactions 🤷
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I really hope I can do that. I swear, really. I'm still wondering if I'm lonely to think it that way. I mean, to love my dog in a similar way I love my GF. Should we consider this polyamory, knowing that they are two very distinct species?
 
Even if they two different species, the decisions are in your hands, I just suggested something that might have been helpful
 
I think it's valid to have a romantic relationship with both your dog and your gf. Like you said, different species, different kind of love. traditional structures may not best describe the nature of it and so the concept of cheating might not make sense to apply here.

the way I see it is, cheating is a construct of human/human relationships. it's violating an agreement made in order to trust each other to provide and share resources, have certainty in lineage, know who's responsible for whose kids, etc. culture emphasizes sexual & romantic exclusivity as vital to that agreement. you can't have offspring with a dog, you can't get married, you have very different lifespans. that construction doesn't really fit. it's a different kind of love.

maybe this is out there, but imo unless it's really negatively affecting your relationship with your GF, you're not obligated to explain your feelings beyond really loving your dog, maybe more than most people. openly loving your pet at the same time as your human relationships is already a normal thing. I can understand why hiding the extent of your feelings feels wrong, and of course the ideal situation would be full understanding between you and your gf. that's a delicate and risky thing to try for. from my limited outside perspective I don't see it like you have to make a choice of one or the other.
 
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oozelife said:
I think it's valid to have a romantic relationship with both your dog and your gf. Like you said, different species, different kind of love. traditional structures may not best describe the nature of it and so the concept of cheating might not make sense to apply here.

the way I see it is, cheating is a construct of human/human relationships. it's violating an agreement make in order to trust each other to provide and share resources, have certainty in lineage, know who responsible for whose kids, etc. culture emphasizes sexual & romantic exclusivity as vital to that agreement. you can't have offspring with a dog, you can't get married, you have very different lifespans. that construction doesn't really fit. it's a different kind of love.

maybe this is out there, but imo unless it's really negatively affecting your relationship with your GF, you're not obligated to explain your feelings beyond really loving your dog, maybe more than most people. openly loving your pet at the same time as your human relationships is already a normal thing. I can understand why hiding the extent of your feelings feels wrong, and of course the ideal situation would be full understanding between you and your gf. that's a delicate and risky thing to try for. from my limited outside perspective I don't see it like you have to make a choice of one or the other.
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Yeah that's it ! That's the best summary you can give me about my feelings and about what I'm thinking.
Now that I think about it more calmly and more deeply, I realize that I am probably a little afraid of acting unwisleey and selfishly.
I'm also telling myself It can be beneficial and healthier for me to process my feelings alone rather than sharing them with someone who may not understand or accept them. It's important that I take care of myself mentally as well, so keeping this part of myself hidden might help protect both the relationship and my mental stability in the long run. However, if I were certain that I could take the plunge, damn sure I would do it without a moment's hesitation!
It's scary, but I almost feel like a part of me is not afraid and likes the risk. Fuck, I'm really fighting myself ;)
It remains to be seen now that I have finally fully integrated and embraced this part of myself, how I would act if one day I ended up being single again. I don't think I'll ever be exclusive, I need both. But who knows what the future holds? But I hope with all my heart that I never have to separate from my wonderful girlfriend.
 
SweetyK9 said:
Yeah that's it ! That's the best summary you can give me about my feelings and about what I'm thinking.
Now that I think about it more calmly and more deeply, I realize that I am probably a little afraid of acting unwisleey and selfishly.
I'm also telling myself It can be beneficial and healthier for me to process my feelings alone rather than sharing them with someone who may not understand or accept them. It's important that I take care of myself mentally as well, so keeping this part of myself hidden might help protect both the relationship and my mental stability in the long run. However, if I were certain that I could take the plunge, damn sure I would do it without a moment's hesitation!
It's scary, but I almost feel like a part of me is not afraid and likes the risk. Fuck, I'm really fighting myself ;)
It remains to be seen now that I have finally fully integrated and embraced this part of myself, how I would act if one day I ended up being single again. I don't think I'll ever be exclusive, I need both. But who knows what the future holds? But I hope with all my heart that I never have to separate from my wonderful girlfriend.
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glad I could help! I think very few of us feel we have "fully integrated and embraced" this part of ourselves -I definitely haven't. it's good to have different ways of understanding how relationships with animals can work alongside human ones
 
gaytimber said:
I want you to take a deep breath and think about it. Everyone has weird stuff in their brain.
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TRUE. Sometimes I'm telling it and it's reassuring. I think I'm thoughing wrongly and looking far away when there's no reason to think about it. I always like to be prepared for any eventuality, yet I am the first to know that it is impossible. We all could make bad choices at times. The important thing is to be aware of it.
 
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