Would you still hook-up with someone if….

[Feduppup]

Intentionally left the title open ended, as I’d also like to hear if others have had similar internal conflicts with hookups. To be clear I have a partner and an open relationship, so this person is strictly for hookup purposes only. Anybody else find themselves torn between what’s hot and what they think is right?

He checks all of my boxes. He’s fit, attractive, active military, kinky, and has that big dumb Neanderthal quality I can’t help but be drawn to. He frequently reaches out on Grindr and asks if I want to come over. He even hits my weirdly specific fetish buttons like having kinda big nips and a mushroom head dick.
BUT he’s also a transphobic, weirdly homophobic (considering he’s…..gay?) misogynistic douche. He publicly posts frustratingly ignorant rhetoric. I could not/would not be “friends” with this person simply based on how they treat other people. Cornfed, inbred, ignorant, tone deaf, dumb as a stump, and a goddamn stud.

Would you hook up with a person like this? Your social opposite? I know it would be hot. But I feel like I’d be compromising my personal values for sex, which is….bad? Am I the asshole for politicizing a hookup? Thanks in advance for the free therapy.

 

[Estafantom]

Well it depends on what you are looking for with this relationship, if it's only sex then why not, but if it feels wrong to you to see such a person then it may not be healthy

 

[Jobfire1010]

Probably not because I wouldn't know how that person would act a private setting if that is their public face.

 

[Panda Chen]

I don't do hook ups myself. It feels like too much risk for not enough bennifits. However if I did I still would not hook up with him. In this situation I would be likely to attempt to help him work through his issues. From the description he seems like the kind that is raging against something that he recognizes in himself and doesn't want to face so if he shows the world he is against it then he isn't that thing. The behavior leads to a lot of anger and self hate that is then displaced to something else. And hopefully not you if you do hook up with him. So be careful.
He needs to come to terms with who he is and accept that and I would not want to be a part of any kind of intimacy with that particular hot mess. We all have problems but someone who likely has self hatred and has shown anger and aggression towards those who he is wanting to hook up with is just too volatile a situation for me.

 

[slt4dd]

He seems like a giant red flag. All the reasons not to hook up with this guy are in your post. He may check off some of those horny boxes, but if you wouldn't even be friends with him? Move on and find someone else.

 

[Cliff_W_Lab]

I am rather shallow when it comes to someone's looks (but I am working on that). I personally could not nor would I be with someone like you describe him to be. But I am not you.