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Worried my SO will cheat

D

DatingaZooNotazoomyself

Lurker
Hello, this post is definitely going to have a lot of explaining.

I had recently discovered my SO is interested in zoophilia, we haven't been together for very long but I was surprisingly ok with it. I was questioning my own opinions on the subject but I also asked them questions to understand how they feel better because I want to understand my partner and grow closer with them.

I don't really care if they fantasize about bestiality pornography or masturbate to it, I honestly don't care if they fantasize about me having sex with animals, I'm not interested in it myself and I made it clear I don't want to get involved with an animal or masturbate to porn of animals. If my partner wants me to perform oral on them while they watch or wants me to whisper things in their ear about it while we have sex I am fine with that also but it won't really excite me the same way it would excite them, and by that I mean I would get excited seeing them excited and they would be excited because I am talking about their fetishism.

My concern is about a talk we once had, where I had told them that getting involved with an animal while in a commited relationship with me would feel like cheating, my SO has told me they do not like casual sex and are more of a romantic that needs to know the individual before having sex or doing sexual things with them and has to feel close to them. They tried to defend the idea saying it was like soul candy whereas a relationship with a person was more than that, I tried explaining that I could theoretically use that same logic when sleeping with another person and said that my SO would probably be upset about that if I did it. They did apologize but I still have this underlying thought that they are going to give into their desires and do this anyway and it honestly makes me sick to my stomach.

My question is how can I get rid of these thoughts and ensure my partner understands that I am very supportive of their fetish, you can't help being turned on by what turns you on after all and I have a rape/pseudorape fetish myself so of course I will never judge them for their zoophilia fetish, but the idea of them getting romantically and sexually involved with something else upsets me greatly?
 
the only thing that has changed is now you know. If you trusted them before, all you can do is trust them now. if not, well, it's not going to end well.
 
prepare for droves of ppl telling you it's not cheating if it's with an animal like the last thread concerning this had... then again, the last thread's creator clearly stated she's a female and single...

it all boils down to how much you really trust your SO, not really much more anyone here can add... we don't know any of you, if it is "just a fetish" to your SO it very well may stay in the realm of fantasy for him/her. do note that for many (me included) it's not and never was "just a fetish" and is not a thing one can keep on the sidelines for long.. it's just who we are.
 
It seems weird how often people register here lately and at the same day start topics as if this forum had been their home for months. Often we don't read anything from them again afterwards.

@DatingaZooNotazoomyself, you are not a zoo and not interested in bestiality either, yet you come here for advice? Well, your partner is interested in it ... but your situation isn't really zoo-specific, as you discovered yourself. The same logic could be applied to people who want to have other sexual encounters beside with their significant other. I don't really see how we are more qualified than others to give you advice how to deal with your thoughts.

By the way, did the thought that your partner may be registered here and reads your post cross your mind? If you as a non-zoo come here, isn't it likely that your partner who is interested in the topic comes here, too?

Don't get me wrong, it's lovely how you accept your partner and how you try to deal with the conflicting feelings, if you are genuine. But it also gets tiresome to write replies to people who just pretend stuff for fun, for provocation or for whatever. Sorry in case my possibly unfounded doubts hurt you. That's not my intention.
 
nekdoneco123 said:
prepare for droves of ppl telling you it's not cheating if it's with an animal like the last thread concerning this had... then again, the last thread's creator clearly stated she's a female and single...

it all boils down to how much you really trust your SO, not really much more anyone here can add... we don't know any of you, if it is "just a fetish" to your SO it very well may stay in the realm of fantasy for him/her. do note that for many (me included) it's not and never was "just a fetish" and is not a thing one can keep on the sidelines for long.. it's just who we are.
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Thank you for the reply, I do trust my partner and I want to accept them as much as I can, I just hope they understand my point of view. I understand others may view it differently but just based off of how they explained their personality I just take it as cheating, everyone else may have a different view on the subject but this is my own.
 
Tailo said:
It seems weird how often people register here lately and at the same day start topics as if this forum had been their home for months. Often we don't read anything from them again afterwards.

@DatingaZooNotazoomyself, you are not a zoo and not interested in bestiality either, yet you come here for advice? Well, your partner is interested in it ... but your situation isn't really zoo-specific, as you discovered yourself. The same logic could be applied to people who want to have other sexual encounters beside with their significant other. I don't really see how we are more qualified than others to give you advice how to deal with your thoughts.

By the way, did the thought that your partner may be registered here and reads your post cross your mind? If you as a non-zoo come here, isn't it likely that your partner who is interested in the topic comes here, too?

Don't get me wrong, it's lovely how you accept your partner and how you try to deal with the conflicting feelings, if you are genuine. But it also gets tiresome to write replies to people who just pretend stuff for fun, for provocation or for whatever. Sorry in case my possibly unfounded doubts hurt you. That's not my intention.
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Thanks for the insight, it's understandable to have your concerns, my partner doesn't visit forums like this anymore from my understanding and if they do come across this post then I will gladly talk to them about it. This is a genuine post and I wanted to know an outside view of the scenario, I accept my partner for who they are and wouldn't change them for the world, I just have my own views about it and hope they understand, if they feel like I am pushing boundaries too much for them I will gladly stop whatever it is that I'm doing. I most likely won't use his site much at all except for developing a better understanding of the paraphilia. Cheers!
 
My SO is literally in the same boat as you and I'm starting to wonder if that's who you are lol. I'm into it and she is not. I'm giving my advice regardless lol. I think this isn't so much a question of what is or isnt considered cheating but more so a realization of your own boundaries.

I think the question you should ask yourself is how far are you willing to go with it and more importantly having that dialogue with your partner. Talk to them. If they're really into this lifestyle they'll never be upset with talking about it....trust me.

The most important thing is to make it very clear where your boundaries are. Let me put it plainly, if I was fucking a tickle me Elmo, and my girlfriend said she thought that was cheating, it's my responsibility to decide whether I want to be in a relationship with that person, or fuck a red puppet.

At the end of the day, your boundaries are going to be there no matter what. As long as you make it very clear, I mean crystal clear, where your limits are then it's really up to him to respect those or move on. The biggest piece of advice I can offer from your SO's point of view, is that if he agrees to your boundaries and wants to continue having a relationship with you, then offer him the same trust you would that he wouldn't cheat with a friend or family member.

P.S. kudos to you for respecting their fet and even watching with them. If he's smart hell fucking marry you ?
 
Oh shit op responded legitimate non-troll confirmed

In all seriousness, I don't think I can say anything that hasn't already been said. Person above me gave great advice.
 
ZooeyZeta said:
Oh shit op responded legitimate non-troll confirmed

In all seriousness, I don't think I can say anything that hasn't already been said. Person above me gave great advice.
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Then in all seriousness, keep it to yourself and like their comment...
 
Mdwhiteboy said:
My SO is literally in the same boat as you and I'm starting to wonder if that's who you are lol. I'm into it and she is not. I'm giving my advice regardless lol. I think this isn't so much a question of what is or isnt considered cheating but more so a realization of your own boundaries.

I think the question you should ask yourself is how far are you willing to go with it and more importantly having that dialogue with your partner. Talk to them. If they're really into this lifestyle they'll never be upset with talking about it....trust me.

The most important thing is to make it very clear where your boundaries are. Let me put it plainly, if I was fucking a tickle me Elmo, and my girlfriend said she thought that was cheating, it's my responsibility to decide whether I want to be in a relationship with that person, or fuck a red puppet.

At the end of the day, your boundaries are going to be there no matter what. As long as you make it very clear, I mean crystal clear, where your limits are then it's really up to him to respect those or move on. The biggest piece of advice I can offer from your SO's point of view, is that if he agrees to your boundaries and wants to continue having a relationship with you, then offer him the same trust you would that he wouldn't cheat with a friend or family member.

P.S. kudos to you for respecting their fet and even watching with them. If he's smart hell fucking marry you ?
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This is actually the best reply I've gotten so far and has actually calmed me down a lot, thanks so much! I'll never have a problem with them having a sexual attraction to animals at all because that's who they are.

Admittedly I'm pretty concerned about them choosing the animal partner over myself other than then stress of my partner being sexually active with someone other than myself, they believe they can balance both equally but I personally disagree and believe that they are going to favour one over the other even if they are not aware of it. It would be pretty depressing to build up a relationship only to become the side booty to someone they've known for less time lmao, I've read blog posts about that happening. Maybe in the future I'll open up to it but I'm definitely going to look at the animal partner with some resentment until I get used to it.

If your SO and myself are actually the same person I don't know if I'd cry laughing or be super embarrassed ?.
 
DatingaZooNotazoomyself said:
This is actually the best reply I've gotten so far and has actually calmed me down a lot, thanks so much! I'll never have a problem with them having a sexual attraction to animals at all because that's who they are.

Admittedly I'm pretty concerned about them choosing the animal partner over myself other than then stress of my partner being sexually active with someone other than myself, they believe they can balance both equally but I personally disagree and believe that they are going to favour one over the other even if they are not aware of it. It would be pretty depressing to build up a relationship only to become the side booty to someone they've known for less time lmao, I've read blog posts about that happening. Maybe in the future I'll open up to it but I'm definitely going to look at the animal partner with some resentment until I get used to it.

If your SO and myself are actually the same person I don't know if I'd cry laughing or be super embarrassed ?.
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I guess it is what it is then. If you're going to be with someone you're going to have to accept them for who they are otherwise it's not going to work out in the long run.
 
DatingaZooNotazoomyself said:
This is actually the best reply I've gotten so far and has actually calmed me down a lot, thanks so much! I'll never have a problem with them having a sexual attraction to animals at all because that's who they are.

Admittedly I'm pretty concerned about them choosing the animal partner over myself other than then stress of my partner being sexually active with someone other than myself, they believe they can balance both equally but I personally disagree and believe that they are going to favour one over the other even if they are not aware of it. It would be pretty depressing to build up a relationship only to become the side booty to someone they've known for less time lmao, I've read blog posts about that happening. Maybe in the future I'll open up to it but I'm definitely going to look at the animal partner with some resentment until I get used to it.

If your SO and myself are actually the same person I don't know if I'd cry laughing or be super embarrassed ?.
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I'm glad that I could help. Don't worry to much, I think patience is the key here. I think your doing fine ?
 
@Keepinitlowkey, sorry but I needed to boost my post score so I can get to the next level (does anyone know what that is btw? I thought I'd get it at 100 posts but I was disappointed, and I can't seem to find a legend anywhere denoting post count's correlation with the ranks) so anyway I thought validating OP was a good way to contribute to this thread given there's been an abundance of one-post throwaway troll accounts that say something along these lines and then never come back, likely attempting to sabotage the reputation of people who come here seeking legitimate help and asking these kinds of questions. That's what was happening on this thread, some people raised suspicion that OP wasn't legitimate but it turns out they were..... seems like the trolls' plan worked somewhat, although I suppose all the OP needs to do is continue engaging in conversation with the community to prove themselves. Which is what happened in this case. So disregard that statement, I meant no mal intent, and I apologize sincerely if my comment came across as such :)

I applaud the OP for being an ally, or at least tolerant of zoos when they're not one themselves! This view is hard to come across in people who don't wear our shoes directly, so thank you very much for your understanding! The more people we can get on our side the better....... and your concerns regarding preferential treatment of the animal relationship-wise is all well, it's only natural to get jealous of other humans receiving love from someone we want to be loved by but aren't, this dynamic doesn't change once a species boundary has been crossed. There's actually a thread on whether people engaging with animals when they're already in a relationship with a human should qualify as cheating or not, so you may be interested in that. My opinion, it really depends on the relationship - some people believe healthy polyamorous relationships can exist even across species lines, but of course views differ and if you feel that a healthy relationship can't persist this is a concern you need to bring up with your partner in a calm setting before the time becomes too late and emotionally charged altercations become more likely. Mind you, I'm no relationship expert, and neither are most people on here, so take any advice and anybody else's with a grain of salt. In any case, I'm glad you recognize a sexual attraction to animals is no less moral/healthy than an attraction to the same gender, all genders, or even the opposite one - which has always been perceived as "normal". I wish you the best of luck in maintaining a healthy relationship with the one you love for the future :)
 
There's nothing worse than trust broken. However you both seem to be open and honest with each other for any worry to be minimal.

The seed won't go away. Fantasising is great boost sexually. It won't root and grow when you're talking so well with each other.

You're a good partner. I'm sure there are many who wish they had someone as understang as you.4
 
you need to put your doubts aside and look at the fact
"murder is when a human person is killed by another human person" -Will Smith (I, Robot)
would should have a relationship based on trust and emotional bonds, do you feel close in the heart? would you follow them somewhere you never been?
if you feel sexually threaten by your pets, you need to work on your self-esteem, not your relationship
to put it simply, think of it as a glorified sex-bot with a optional sex mode AI
honestly, that's not close to how truly is, but I'm saying to for OP's peace of mind
 
ZooeyZeta said:
@Keepinitlowkey, sorry but I needed to boost my post score so I can get to the next level (does anyone know what that is btw? I thought I'd get it at 100 posts but I was disappointed, and I can't seem to find a legend anywhere denoting post count's correlation with the ranks) so anyway I thought validating OP was a good way to contribute to this thread given there's been an abundance of one-post throwaway troll accounts that say something along these lines and then never come back, likely attempting to sabotage the reputation of people who come here seeking legitimate help and asking these kinds of questions. That's what was happening on this thread, some people raised suspicion that OP wasn't legitimate but it turns out they were..... seems like the trolls' plan worked somewhat, although I suppose all the OP needs to do is continue engaging in conversation with the community to prove themselves. Which is what happened in this case. So disregard that statement, I meant no mal intent, and I apologize sincerely if my comment came across as such :)

I applaud the OP for being an ally, or at least tolerant of zoos when they're not one themselves! This view is hard to come across in people who don't wear our shoes directly, so thank you very much for your understanding! The more people we can get on our side the better....... and your concerns regarding preferential treatment of the animal relationship-wise is all well, it's only natural to get jealous of other humans receiving love from someone we want to be loved by but aren't, this dynamic doesn't change once a species boundary has been crossed. There's actually a thread on whether people engaging with animals when they're already in a relationship with a human should qualify as cheating or not, so you may be interested in that. My opinion, it really depends on the relationship - some people believe healthy polyamorous relationships can exist even across species lines, but of course views differ and if you feel that a healthy relationship can't persist this is a concern you need to bring up with your partner in a calm setting before the time becomes too late and emotionally charged altercations become more likely. Mind you, I'm no relationship expert, and neither are most people on here, so take any advice and anybody else's with a grain of salt. In any case, I'm glad you recognize a sexual attraction to animals is no less moral/healthy than an attraction to the same gender, all genders, or even the opposite one - which has always been perceived as "normal". I wish you the best of luck in maintaining a healthy relationship with the one you love for the future :)
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Hello I am still OP I'm just an idiot and forgot my proton mail password and did not have a recovery set up, this time I actually wrote everything down. My partner and I have told eachother we are monogamous people and they have also told me they needed to feel a romantic connection to something to really go after anything sexual, it actually hurt me a bit when they told me they could share me with an animal partner knowing that my partner does not like to have casual sex and needs an emotional connection, to me that was a tad selfish and it would be like having an SO and a concubine at the same time. Appreciate the insight from you, and I understand your troll concerns (moreso because I had to make another account) and if it honestly is a worry then mods can delete this post and the accounts associated with it. I don't want to expose anyone's private lives, that's theirs to live and I have no business shoving my nose in it. Cheers!
 
Procyuirdae said:
you need to put your doubts aside and look at the fact
"murder is when a human person is killed by another human person" -Will Smith (I, Robot)
would should have a relationship based on trust and emotional bonds, do you feel close in the heart? would you follow them somewhere you never been?
if you feel sexually threaten by your pets, you need to work on your self-esteem, not your relationship
to put it simply, think of it as a glorified sex-bot with a optional sex mode AI
honestly, that's not close to how truly is, but I'm saying to for OP's peace of mind
Click to expand...
Hello still OP I had to create another account because EI forgot my password and have no recovery, my partner stated they need an emotional and romantic connection to engage in sexual acts so I honestly can't see it as a glorified flesh light knowing this aspect of their personality, thank you for your opinion though as it is still something to think about. Cheers :)

Quick edit: you're definitely right that I need to bring up my self esteem though that's a problem I need to get rid of!
 
DatingaZooNotaZooMyself2 said:
Hello still OP I had to create another account because EI forgot my password and have no recovery, my partner stated they need an emotional and romantic connection to engage in sexual acts so I honestly can't see it as a glorified flesh light knowing this aspect of their personality, thank you for your opinion though as it is still something to think about. Cheers :)

Quick edit: you're definitely right that I need to bring up my self esteem though that's a problem I need to get rid of!
Click to expand...
DatingaZooNotaZooMyself2 said:
Hello still OP I had to create another account because EI forgot my password and have no recovery, my partner stated they need an emotional and romantic connection to engage in sexual acts so I honestly can't see it as a glorified flesh light knowing this aspect of their personality, thank you for your opinion though as it is still something to think about. Cheers :)

Quick edit: you're definitely right that I need to bring up my self esteem though that's a problem I need to get rid of!
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So I'm like your partner I need to get to know someone have some form of intimacy before sex. With that said there's always exceptions to rules like my boyfriend and I took home a girl we had just met for a threesome. Though my boyfriend is opposite of you really. He doesn't like the idea of me having sex with another man but a K9 he tells me he'd fuck me after and lick me clean. Fetishes are very personal. I refused to let my ex husband get a dog afraid I wouldn't be able to control myself and he'd catch me and that the worst possible thing could happen. (I also have really bad anxiety and depression) with all of that said I think it's awesome you're excepting and willing to talk about your partners fantasies and I really hope your partner returns the favor for you.?
 
It is cheating.
My girl and i are both zoo. We had a talk about what we feel comfy with. We decided we will do things together and no sneaking around.
 
If you’re a girl worried about your bf cheating, don’t. The odds of him finding someone close enough and into the lifestyle are probably 1:100,000. If you’re a guy worried about your gf, that’s an entirely different story.
 
DatingaZooNotaZooMyself2 said:
My partner and I have told eachother we are monogamous people and they have also told me they needed to feel a romantic connection to something to really go after anything sexual, it actually hurt me a bit when they told me they could share me with an animal partner knowing that my partner does not like to have casual sex and needs an emotional connection, to me that was a tad selfish and it would be like having an SO and a concubine at the same time.
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I get where you are coming from and sometimes I have similar thoughts myself. I'm a guy and as for zoo kink's it's pretty much about girl's having fun with animals, there is something about the raw act of mating that's just a turn on, maybe the fur, the panting or the scratch marks after, I'm not exactly sure, or maybe not since licking video's are hot as well, especially the ones that seem like it's her secret habit or something like that.
That said I'd totally get jealous.
And what's worse is I'd have 0 rights to actually get jealous since I've had too many affairs myself by far and I'm still struggling to find some balance with that.
I don't think kink's are made to be fair, or to be in line with your own moral compass, maybe even the opposite. I don't find the pious people to be that healthy at all, but by that token the people that just go full in on their kink's can sometimes seem a bit wrecked by their own desires. I really hope the two of you find some balance that makes you both happy and light at heart, if you do find the perfect recipe do tell because I need to know!!!

If you are worried about your own kink then I get that, it's forbidden for sure, but yeah i have it too so surely it cannot be so bad ? ?
 
My take would be to try to be involved maybe as an observer, or get a pet yourselves so that he/she isn't looking to others to satisfy thier natural urges to act on these feelings they have for animals. Then you know it's happening at home where you have a slight control over the situation which, from my perspective is what you're looking for. You're telling them you accept them yet restricting them from that which you claim to accept. Ultimately unless you give a little actions will be done and you both with be hurt.
 
@DatingaZooNotazoomyself

Human partners, outside a relationship, are more complicated, and they tend to become intrusive. I just want to say that, outside of situations where both partners are very comfortable with polyamory (which can be complicated on many levels), the reason why you don't want your spouse to be involved with another woman is the fact that one instance of cheating turns into an affair, and an affair turns into another person you barely know horning in on your life and treating you like you are the bad guy for not rearranging your existence to suit them. Love triangles are often toxic. I am not against polyamory, but I would tell the same thing to someone that was thinking about getting into it.

In dog packs, it is normal for the alpha to mate with any female that happens to be in the pack. Different packs have different cultures. They are like human cultures. I suppose that some packs have different rules. However, it is unusual for dogs to be absolutely monogamous, and they generally do not believe that having sex with another dog entitles them to special privileges or makes them "alpha bitch." They are dogs. Whether you have sex with them or not, they are dogs. I am not even sure if dogs understand having sex with you as having greater significance than playing fetch with you: they might, but I have no clear way to prove that.

If you WERE to change your mind about whether you are going to let your spouse have sex with animals or not, then it would not have the same concomitant problems as an open relationship that includes humans. The dog would just be a pet.

When you get older, you might be more open to the idea. If you are not that open today, then I understand.

Most of the advice you have already reacted positively to is generally sound enough, as far as I can tell.

Good luck.
 
If she is exclusively having sex with the dog and refuses to have sex with you afterwards (under every circumstance conceivable), then that's when you will have to leave.

Yes, I get aroused by the thought of a girlfriend having sex with a dog or a horse, and I do harbor the hope of joining in myself and having her as well. But if she's only exclusively having sex with the dog/horse and will not let me join her, then what's the point of chasing after her?
 
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