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What would you do?

Disanima

Disanima

Esteemed Citizen of ZV
Hi, fellow zoo exclusives.
I've always considered myself zoo exclusive, I've never felt sexual attraction towards humans (I absolutely hate women's body, but I'm quite neutral with men), so I've always thought that being alone with animals is how I wanted to spend my life.
I have a close friend, who is also the only one who knows I'm into animals, and we know each other from almost 15 years. I won't dig into details, but recently, while we were talking, he somehow asked me if we couldn't try being something more than friends. We get along well, but I've never seen him in this way, so I pointed out that I would never love him in the same way I would with a dog, but he said he doesn't care.
I've never thought that I could share my life with another human being, but, since I'm not a kid anymore, I've always looked into the future, and, my only concern with a zoo exclusive life was that I would be alone, and probably not always at home to take care of every need of my furry companion. While I don't have that sexual desire for a human, I can see the advantages of a life with another person. So... Let's say that I'm still considering the positive aspects of this kind of proposal...
My question is... What would you do in this kind of situation? Would you ever consider something like this?
 
Living isolated with your animals and being all in exclusive is a lonely life I would not recommend to anyone. Try every exit you can, and if it gets too sexual or demanding for you, then you should communicate this with your friend rather than going to exile. Communication is the key here.
 
i think it would depend on what the other party means by more than friends... if they'd be okay with having to look for sexual gratification elsewhere, i'd probably go for it.
 
"more than friends" implies a romantic relationship and if you don't love that friend as more than a friend, you're not what they're looking for.
And if your angle is "I'd have someone to look after my animals when I'm away", it's not a relationship, it's taking advantage of someone whose feelings you don't reciprocate.
Like friendzoning, but worse.

Edit:
And you don't need an allegedly "more than friends" person to not be alone. You just need friends. Which you obviously have.
 
Thanks for your answers.
Stash said:
Living isolated with your animals and being all in exclusive is a lonely life I would not recommend to anyone. Try every exit you can, and if it gets too sexual or demanding for you, then you should communicate this with your friend rather than going to exile. Communication is the key here.
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I'm still considering the thing. I've talked with him for a while and I've really expressed all of my doubts and fears. My biggest fear is that, if things turn bad, we wouldn't be friends anymore...
nekdoneco123 said:
i think it would depend on what the other party means by more than friends... if they'd be okay with having to look for sexual gratification elsewhere, i'd probably go for it.
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Partners. I have not promised that I could be like a boyfriend, or something like that, but I can sure be of company. We are two lonely souls, after all...
Mare Lover 1975 said:
I'd tell him no, personally I don't have any interest in a roommate and even less in "more than friends" with anyone.
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I can see your point, but I don't like to think only with my heart, I'm a logical person, and I also consider other interests...
Sedirae said:
"more than friends" implies a romantic relationship and if you don't love that friend as more than a friend, you're not what they're looking for.
And if your angle is "I'd have someone to look after my animals when I'm away", it's not a relationship, it's taking advantage of someone whose feelings you don't reciprocate.
Like friendzoning, but worse.

Edit:
And you don't need an allegedly "more than friends" person to not be alone. You just need friends. Which you obviously have.
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Don't get me wrong. I have always considered human relationships as some kind of contracts (or compromises), so I've already talked with him on what I would expect if we would really do something like this. I have always been clear on my feelings and what I can offer, so, I've never imposed my authority... It's always his choice to agree or not...
I don't expect him to take care for my animals, btw. I only think that if he is at home while I'm away, they wouldn't be alone too much time as if I was alone...
 
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Sharing life is not always easy with another human being. But it does have its perks. I grew up on a farm and that can be a lonely life. Being with another human being simply opens doors that can bring more joy. Sure there are difference in human and animal's. But sharing your life any joy for animals with another human I think could bring you another sort of joy.
 
Disanima said:
my only concern with a zoo exclusive life was that I would be alone, and probably not always at home to take care of every need of my furry companion. While I don't have that sexual desire for a human, I can see the advantages of a life with another person.
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This is an issue I am thinking about as well.
Having someone to help out in dire situations helps, more so the older you get.

Though I have the same problem, I can not love a human regardless of gender. And on top the human body just is not attractive and that extends to other physical aspects like touch and smells. While I am able to have sex with a human, it takes me a lot of effort and imagination to be able to finish and it just does not feel right.

But people compatible with such specific demands and compatible with everything else about you are extremely rare. I think the only possibility is another zoo in similar situation, because I do not think a person who is not a zoo can understand this.

If you are able to set the expectations clearly and your friend is ok with living together but not loving each other, you might have a mutually beneficial outcome. Though I really doubt someone who is not a zoo and wants to have a human partner is capable of accepting a room mate with benefits relationship like this.
 
Thanks for your valuable points of view, people.
It's not a thing I have to think on, in the immediate, but it helps to hear your opinions... ?
Nobileone said:
Sharing life is not always easy with another human being. But it does have its perks. I grew up on a farm and that can be a lonely life. Being with another human being simply opens doors that can bring more joy. Sure there are difference in human and animal's. But sharing your life any joy for animals with another human I think could bring you another sort of joy.
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Yeah, that's why I'm considering it. The classical zoo exclusive life it's not all joy and idyll. Same can be said for a classical relationship, I guess. Everything has its pros and cons, so... Compromises have to be taken, every road you choose to walk on.
pes said:
This is an issue I am thinking about as well.
Having someone to help out in dire situations helps, more so the older you get.

Though I have the same problem, I can not love a human regardless of gender. And on top the human body just is not attractive and that extends to other physical aspects like touch and smells. While I am able to have sex with a human, it takes me a lot of effort and imagination to be able to finish and it just does not feel right.

But people compatible with such specific demands and compatible with everything else about you are extremely rare. I think the only possibility is another zoo in similar situation, because I do not think a person who is not a zoo can understand this.

If you are able to set the expectations clearly and your friend is ok with living together but not loving each other, you might have a mutually beneficial outcome. Though I really doubt someone who is not a zoo and wants to have a human partner is capable of accepting a room mate with benefits relationship like this.
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Love is an abstract concept. If you can have love without sex, same can be said of the opposite. I think that affection can substitute the classical concept of love that we use to see in movies or stories. But, as I have already said... He is free to disagree with my view, and if that is not what he is looking for, he can do what he wants... Life is just too short to not consider every opportunity to be happy...
 
it doesnt need to be love or relationship - i'd love to live in a zoo community with respect and casual sex
 
Stash said:
it doesnt need to be love or relationship - i'd love to live in a zoo community with respect and casual sex
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I know what you mean. My ideal situation would be to live with a zoo friend, and each one has his own furry companion, but... Things like this don't happen easily. So, I'm just thinking on what I can get, not what I'd like to get.
 
I would say no. I shouldn't have to think about it since I'm firmly a zoo exclusive. That's good for me. I have no need for human bullshit.

But I'm not you. Only you know what is good for you.
 
Twelvepaws said:
I would say no. I shouldn't have to think about it since I'm firmly a zoo exclusive. That's good for me. I have no need for human bullshit.

But I'm not you. Only you know what is good for you.
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Well, that's an answer I expected, at least from someone ?
I've never had much hope in humanity, but I am not a complete misanthrope (not yet, at least xD), and I still have some friends I trust ?
 
I'm not a misanthrope, but there really are a lot of mean/stupid/tiring people out there.
I just don't like being around people a lot, it's tiring and drains all my energy. When I need a little human company, I visit my friends. I like to be with my friends, I have friends, they take care of my dogs if I have a problem, they help me with things I can't solve on my own, etc. Many friends even know that I am a zoo. But I would never let people into my private life, I have my dogs in my private life. For me, friendship is the limit and that's fixed. I warned/chase away those who wanted to get closer.

Anyone who thinks that being exclusive is lonely, boring and mentally problematic is wrong. Being exclusive is hard (all kinds of relationships are hard), but it's not hell or a curse. Whoever sees this as such is running away from something or not admitting something to himself. Those who love this, feel comfortable in it, are happy with the exclusive life and get along well with its difficulties, because this is what their brain is wired for. Here it becomes clear who is the real exclusive and who is not. Don't let anyone believe that if you have a partner, children, or family, you will be happy in your old age. Bullshit, I've seen enough families where the old people's lives got bad, and the others didn't help them. Anyone who starts a family just for that reason is not normal. Should not live based on them and become unnecessarily bound. You have to live your life the way you like it.

I'll be alone in a hospital bed when I'm old and I'll die alone, but I don't mind one bit. Because I lived my life the way I liked it and the way it was good for me and that's the most important thing. Then I die, I'm reincarnated and it starts all over again, I'm born, I become a child, young, I buy my first female dog and I live again as an exclusive.

The difficulties of this need not be explained. The grave of my old dogs has already sunk a little. It is raining and has gathered on the roof. I loved them. I loved them very much. There will be many more such hollows in my garden, on top of which the water will collect... This makes me even happy, they are also happy, beautiful, looking at me with their sparkling eyes and cheerful faces. And of course their asses are fucking good too.
An exclusive person is a special and wonderful person.
 
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Twelvepaws said:
I'm not a misanthrope, but there really are a lot of mean/stupid/tiring people out there.
I just don't like being around people a lot, it's tiring and drains all my energy. When I need a little human company, I visit my friends. I like to be with my friends, I have friends, they take care of my dogs if I have a problem, they help me with things I can't solve on my own, etc. Many friends even know that I am a zoo. But I would never let people into my private life, I have my dogs in my private life. For me, friendship is the limit and that's fixed. I warned/chase away those who wanted to get closer.

Anyone who thinks that being exclusive is lonely, boring and mentally problematic is wrong. Being exclusive is hard (all kinds of relationships are hard), but it's not hell or a curse. Whoever sees this as such is running away from something or not admitting something to himself. Those who love this, feel comfortable in it, are happy with the exclusive life and get along well with its difficulties, because this is what their brain is wired for. Here it becomes clear who is the real exclusive and who is not. Don't let anyone believe that if you have a partner, children, or family, you will be happy in your old age. Bullshit, I've seen enough families where the old people's lives got bad, and the others didn't help them. Anyone who starts a family just for that reason is not normal. Should not live based on them and become unnecessarily bound. You have to live your life the way you like it.

I'll be alone in a hospital bed when I'm old and I'll die alone, but I don't mind one bit. Because I lived my life the way I liked it and the way it was good for me and that's the most important thing. Then I die, I'm reincarnated and it starts all over again, I'm born, I become a child, young, I buy my first female dog and I live again as an exclusive.

The difficulties of this need not be explained. The grave of my old dogs has already sunk a little. It is raining and has gathered on the roof. I loved them. I loved them very much. There will be many more such hollows in my garden, on top of which the water will collect... This makes me even happy, they are also happy, beautiful, looking at me with their sparkling eyes and cheerful faces. And of course their asses are fucking good too.
An exclusive person is a special and wonderful person.
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Again, I see your points. I've never said that being zoo exclusive is good or bad. But I can't deny that I see a lot of loneliness in this lifestyle... yes, I've recently lost my furry companion, after almost 16 wonderful years spent together and the first months without him were a real hell. The pain is still strong, but I'm somewhat better now, after half a year...
The point is that I feel incomplete, I don't think I'll ever be the same again, and I'm simply trying to cope with this... But I also know that I can't live without animals for too long. I'm simply afraid that this will happen again (and it will) when I'll be ready to restart...
I've not considered this because someone suggested me, but it was a rational thought, because, when you are alone, coping with pain is way much harder than when you have someone who cares for you who you can count on, and who you can talk with...
A dog can be a perfect lover and companion, but there are moments in which, you would like to talk with him, and you simply can't... Because he is a dog, after all...
 
I guess the only things to ask are, exactly what kind of relationship does he want, and are you interested in that? Mind you the question is, "What does he want?" and not, "What is he proposing currently?"
Based on personal experience, if he's not satisfied with the compromise you strike he may be unable to help himself gradually pushing for more (like he is now). If you don't want more, it may be best just to keep things as they are now.
 
amorousdog5 said:
I guess the only things to ask are, exactly what kind of relationship does he want, and are you interested in that? Mind you the question is, "What does he want?" and not, "What is he proposing currently?"
Based on personal experience, if he's not satisfied with the compromise you strike he may be unable to help himself gradually pushing for more (like he is now). If you don't want more, it may be best just to keep things as they are now.
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Yeah, my doubt is that he is not completely honest. I mean, I have set lots of limitations, but he said that he'd like to try, anyway.
He is quite shy, while I'm more pragmatic, so... I have some reasons to think that he is kinda intimidated by my personality and doesn't tell me all of what he wants... :unsure:
Anyway, I'm still considering it. I have no urge to rush things...
 
I've learned it is possible to have a poly relationship work with another human and animal companion! Maybe it will grow into a loving relationship with love being shared equally among you three ?
 
DexDaPhonkFarmer said:
I've learned it is possible to have a poly relationship work with another human and animal companion! Maybe it will grow into a loving relationship with love being shared equally among you three ?
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I like to think that things can change.
When I started being attracted to animals, dogs where my only interest, but, with time I started to appreciate other species too...
I know that it's a whole different story than loving a human, but, while I'm not sure that I can change my main attraction, I think that I can be affectionate and caring for a human, if it's worth it...
 
Disanima said:
I like to think that things can change.
When I started being attracted to animals, dogs where my only interest, but, with time I started to appreciate other species too...
I know that it's a whole different story than loving a human, but, while I'm not sure that I can change my main attraction, I think that I can be affectionate and caring for a human, if it's worth it...
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I believe it is worth a shot if you feel you would like to give that person a shot! Never know, maybe you guys will all make a big happy partnership where all love is shared :)
 
DexDaPhonkFarmer said:
I believe it is worth a shot if you feel you would like to give that person a shot! Never know, maybe you guys will all make a big happy partnership where all love is shared :)
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Maybe... But I have to be 100% sure of this, before considering trying it. Because He is one of my best friends, and the only person who knows I'm a zoo...
The risk of losing all of this is what stops me, mainly...
 
Disanima said:
Maybe... But I have to be 100% sure of this, before considering trying it. Because He is one of my best friends, and the only person who knows I'm a zoo...
The risk of losing all of this is what stops me, mainly...
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That is a major risk, to lose the friendship. If you feel he is one of your best friends though, it might be worth a shot.

The best partners to have will also always feel like your best friend :)
 
DexDaPhonkFarmer said:
That is a major risk, to lose the friendship. If you feel he is one of your best friends though, it might be worth a shot.

The best partners to have will also always feel like your best friend :)
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Maybe...
I'm still trying to figure if this is the right path to choose. At the moment we are not talking a lot about this, because... things happen, and he moved temporarily to another city, but, when he'll come back we can talk more and better :)
 
Idk, human relations are odd sometimes, I dated a close friend once. Ruined the friendship, we don't talk anymore. Everything seemed perfect, just didn't work out.

But everyone is different, if it's something you want then you should do it. Kinda seems like he's more into you then you are into him. Could possibly break his heart and hold him back from being happy with someone of his own.

If it were me, I wouldn't
 
Why do most people think a relationship that is not biologically related can't be like a family relationship? Can't you and your friend be like siblings or something if that nature? I'm pretty positive that you don't fuck your parents, grandparents or siblings (if you do fuck them, then different strokes for different folks and my post is meaningless) and yet you love them.
 
Sumpup said:
Idk, human relations are odd sometimes, I dated a close friend once. Ruined the friendship, we don't talk anymore. Everything seemed perfect, just didn't work out.

But everyone is different, if it's something you want then you should do it. Kinda seems like he's more into you then you are into him. Could possibly break his heart and hold him back from being happy with someone of his own.

If it were me, I wouldn't
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I mean, that's the main reason why I'm not so sure about it, he is a great friend and I don't wanna lose him just because we have tried to change that...
Steven Raccoon said:
Why do most people think a relationship that is not biologically related can't be like a family relationship? Can't you and your friend be like siblings or something if that nature? I'm pretty positive that you don't fuck your parents, grandparents or siblings (if you do fuck them, then different strokes for different folks and my post is meaningless) and yet you love them.
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I know that many deny the importance of sex in a relationship, but I think that it's one of the most powerful engines which rule the world. You don't treat a lover like a parent or a sibling, because your relation with him/her is different, and, in any case, it's a different kind of love...
You can treat a friend like a sibling if you are just friend with him, but if you have crossed the big step between friend and partner, well... Things change.
 
LuvelyLeda said:
I think you pretty much answered your question. I don't think it's a good idea to try and have a romantic relationship with someone when you know you can never feel that way for them. Sometimes it's not bad to stay happily in the friend zone, why ruin something that already works?
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Well... As I have already said, I was considering the proposal from an opportunistic pov, like... He needs company, I need someone to not leave my animals alone at home for too much time, so, it would be almost an exchange... Don't know if it makes sense. And the fact that he knows I'm a zoo and doesn't judge me for that is somewhat reassuring... I don't think I'll find another person who would propose me something like this, so, I was just reflecting on this...
 
amorousdog5 said:
Pretty clearly you're not interested in him. I think you'd probably just end up hurting him when it turns out you can't give him what he really wants.
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Well... he knows that. The last thing I said to him on this matter is: don't close the door to other options which would be more fulfilling for you than a life with a guy like me.
I don't like to repeat myself, but I've exposed all my conditions and limits to him, and he still wanted to risk it... if we haven't still tried it it's just because I'm truly afraid that this would be the end of our friendship...
 
I'm saying even with him fully aware of and saying he understands the limits, you'll end up hurting him. He can't help wanting more, and the only reason he thinks he can settle for what you're offering is because he's desperate... or because he thinks he can convince you to expand the relationship once he has his foot in the door.
 
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