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Venting about Loneliness

GingerUnicorn

GingerUnicorn

Zooville Settler
Hey everybody, not really sure if it's appropriate but I felt like having a little bit of a vent and the people of this place have been nice to me.

I've just been dealing with being lonely a lot recently. Between losing friends and being a world away from the ones I have it's been difficult for me, and I've found myself genuinely lying there basically on the verge of tears thinking about the state of my life and how things ended up like this. Not to get into details but I have not had the greatest life and am trying my best to make the most of things while I'm still only 27. I've really tried putting myself out there and have resolved in the future to actually going out and attending things like conventions and hopefully getting a friend to go out and be social with locally what ever form that takes!

I've been trying to reach out more and talk to people, guys & girls, and it's been great! Until it isn't. I've met some nice people who want to be friends or more, I dedicate time and put in effort to meet up and do everything I can to be accommodating and bring a positive vibe and ultimately am the same person who's been on calls or in texts with them etc. Only now we can actually hang out and spend time having fun with hobbies or chilling wherever the flow takes us. It's really been nice having new people to talk to, but I end up dedicating most of my energy to a few specific people that I really vibe with and end up totally ignoring others (serious sorry to the unanswered messages I've had here, I promise it's not personal.)

But twice recently it's happened where I've talked to somebody a lot, I've met up and had a really good time, huge laughs, meeting their friends/family whatever, even stayed over! Hung out and had a blast ending everything on a good note, talking about it for a few days after too! But then they've just ghosted or blocked me and I start thinking about if I did something wrong. I start to wonder if I'm just going to be lonely or if I should stop meeting people IRL because maybe there's something THAT off putting about me?! The kinds of thoughts I've not had since I was a teen.

I don't really have a goal with a post like this. I just felt like getting it off my chest because it's been a huge struggle and I felt if I don't get it out that I may actually explode. I just want to have friends and be able to keep them, and it's hurt me so bad spending time with people who I clicked with so hard over the most niche interests and music tastes only to lose them not long after, like they were a real friend, I miss them.

So thanks for reading if you read I know there's probably not much to say but I appreciate the read anyway
 
Talk to females on ome.tv or monkey chat. Ask them about beastiality. There some 27 year olds that use those sites.
 
carpetmuncher069 said:
Talk to females on ome.tv or monkey chat. Ask them about beastiality. There some 27 year olds that use those sites.
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I appreciate the kind intentions but I am not really looking for something specific or to harass women over taboo topics 😅

I'm genuinely just struggling with feelings of loneliness. Just venting and hoping this rough patch ends, not quite at the level of begging anybody to talk to me about beast stuff.
 
Loneliness is the worst, and I wish I had a bit of wisdom to share that you haven't heard before but I probably don't. What I can say is this: don't stop being kind, being friendly, being the person you work to be. We are all threads being plied to create the fabric that is our lives, sometimes those threads wrap together and sometimes they don't. But if you stay you, however slow it may be, real friends weave their way into your fabric.
 
jhart said:
I know how you feel, sending positive energy your way and hoping that venting about it was cathartic at least.
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It has been. I can't even explain it but just getting it out there.
Something about venting it on a platform or scale like this makes it slightly easier to deal with. Still horrible, but easier.

Thank you for the good energy.
 
stuckknot78 said:
Loneliness is the worst, and I wish I had a bit of wisdom to share that you haven't heard before but I probably don't. What I can say is this: don't stop being kind, being friendly, being the person you work to be. We are all threads being plied to create the fabric that is our lives, sometimes those threads wrap together and sometimes they don't. But if you stay you, however slow it may be, real friends weave their way into your fabric.
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That's such a sweet and lovely visual for the way we are connect, or don't. Thank you.

You're right I've probably heard just about every little nugget or already knew it to begin with. Funnily enough the most important wisdom I wish I could have gotten is from the people who stopped wanting to talk/hang out till, I wish they'd say why so I could be better.

Thank you again, I appreciate this.
 
Heya mate, I'm 27 myself and from the midlands and I know how the whole loneliness thing goes very well. Feel free to shoot a pm if you'd like to chat
 
GingerUnicorn said:
Hey everybody, not really sure if it's appropriate but I felt like having a little bit of a vent and the people of this place have been nice to me.

I've just been dealing with being lonely a lot recently. Between losing friends and being a world away from the ones I have it's been difficult for me, and I've found myself genuinely lying there basically on the verge of tears thinking about the state of my life and how things ended up like this. Not to get into details but I have not had the greatest life and am trying my best to make the most of things while I'm still only 27. I've really tried putting myself out there and have resolved in the future to actually going out and attending things like conventions and hopefully getting a friend to go out and be social with locally what ever form that takes!

I've been trying to reach out more and talk to people, guys & girls, and it's been great! Until it isn't. I've met some nice people who want to be friends or more, I dedicate time and put in effort to meet up and do everything I can to be accommodating and bring a positive vibe and ultimately am the same person who's been on calls or in texts with them etc. Only now we can actually hang out and spend time having fun with hobbies or chilling wherever the flow takes us. It's really been nice having new people to talk to, but I end up dedicating most of my energy to a few specific people that I really vibe with and end up totally ignoring others (serious sorry to the unanswered messages I've had here, I promise it's not personal.)

But twice recently it's happened where I've talked to somebody a lot, I've met up and had a really good time, huge laughs, meeting their friends/family whatever, even stayed over! Hung out and had a blast ending everything on a good note, talking about it for a few days after too! But then they've just ghosted or blocked me and I start thinking about if I did something wrong. I start to wonder if I'm just going to be lonely or if I should stop meeting people IRL because maybe there's something THAT off putting about me?! The kinds of thoughts I've not had since I was a teen.

I don't really have a goal with a post like this. I just felt like getting it off my chest because it's been a huge struggle and I felt if I don't get it out that I may actually explode. I just want to have friends and be able to keep them, and it's hurt me so bad spending time with people who I clicked with so hard over the most niche interests and music tastes only to lose them not long after, like they were a real friend, I miss them.

So thanks for reading if you read I know there's probably not much to say but I appreciate the read anyway
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Hey, kiddo. Sorry to hear you’re going through it. I wish I could take that away for you.

I’m remiss to say much, because as long as you’re not hurting anyone you should be proud of yourself. With that said, I have some small feedbacks given in the spirit kindness.

I hope these aren’t all too cliche.

1) One of the most important things you can do in your life is to become comfortable with yourself. This requires being able to be alone and loving yourself.

2) As one ages, new friends become significantly more difficult to make, but when you do, they’re usually of higher quality and duration. Young people are still finding their path and themselves.

3) You may be coming on too strongly. Dial it back a bit. People generally don’t need or want constant effort put into them. When that happens, they’re socially obligated to return the effort, and I’d venture a guess that they don’t have the time or inclination.

4) Your pfp has consequences. When I see cartoon pfps I think certain preconceived notions. I’m not saying this is the case, but if you engaged with fewer fringe interests, you may increase acquisition and retention rates. Save that stuff for a little further down the line.

Anyway, I know you didn’t outright ask for any of this, so if it isn’t useful, please disregard. I hope you feel better soon and that your luck improves.

Remember, entire religions are founded on the idea that “life is loneliness and pain.”
 
bayareacpl said:
Hey, kiddo. Sorry to hear you’re going through it. I wish I could take that away for you.

I’m remiss to say much, because as long as you’re not hurting anyone you should be proud of yourself. With that said, I have some small feedbacks given in the spirit kindness.

I hope these aren’t all too cliche.

1) One of the most important things you can do in your life is to become comfortable with yourself. This requires being able to be alone and loving yourself.

2) As one ages, new friends become significantly more difficult to make, but when you do, they’re usually of higher quality and duration. Young people are still finding their path and themselves.

3) You may be coming on too strongly. Dial it back a bit. People generally don’t need or want constant effort put into them. When that happens, they’re socially obligated to return the effort, and I’d venture a guess that they don’t have the time or inclination.

4) Your pfp has consequences. When I see cartoon pfps I think certain preconceived notions. I’m not saying this is the case, but if you engaged with fewer fringe interests, you may increase acquisition and retention rates. Save that stuff for a little further down the line.

Anyway, I know you didn’t outright ask for any of this, so if it isn’t useful, please disregard. I hope you feel better soon and that your luck improves.

Remember, entire religions are founded on the idea that “life is loneliness and pain.”
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Hey before anything I just want to say thank you for such a long and thoughtful response, really means a lot!

I am definitely not hurting anybody and pride myself on being a safe space for people to be their realest selves. I think part of why it hurt and I was so shocked at times is one of the people who cut contact genuinely poured their heart out to me about some horrific trauma and literally cried in my arms like they hadn't been able to get it out before.

I appreciate each one of these points! And generally they are good advice!
But if it eases a heart that wants to take pain away I feel the need to counter a couple of them talking about some more specific details.

I am definitely comfortable with myself! I've been alone a lot throughout life and genuinely can find comfort in solitude, I enjoy my studies and my video games etc. It's not like I'm screaming "Woe is me!" to the heavens on the daily, I'm just hurt because of a few experiences recently.

I'm trying mostly to connect with people my own age, I do have friends of ages younger and older because as it turns out online gaming is a hobby that attracts a very wide audience and being a mature student at university means I'm friends with some younger adults.

I totally understand why I may appear to be coming across too strongly! I am a busy person and it's not that I'm sitting waiting for messages and instantly responding, just trying to engage when they show interest and generally being somebody who likes to talk and actually engage in conversation. Not chain messaging 17 times to somebody who clearly isn't interested. I mean hey these are people who have chosen to spent time with me IRL. It makes me worry about my behavior in that aspect, although even then I have actual IRL friends. I just wish I knew!

I've only met very, very few people here who I would really want to meet or talk to. I totally understand the assumptions behind cartoon pfp's etc. But in the cases I'm talking about I've met people through apps/social media where everything about me is on full display from the get go with my face right there first thing! We chat about meeting, random interests, niche things we like, all sorts of stuff. That's another thing that has me stressing and confused is the amount of time and effort they've spent talking and meeting with me too.

Again I really appreciate each of the points and definitely don't think they're too cliché or overused etc. I just think maybe they don't quite apply to my situation in the way that you seem to perceive it. But, thank you very much for taking it so seriously and finding the time to write out and try to help somebody you don't know, it's kind and well-intentioned and for that I'm thankful!
 
GingerUnicorn said:
Hey before anything I just want to say thank you for such a long and thoughtful response, really means a lot!

I am definitely not hurting anybody and pride myself on being a safe space for people to be their realest selves. I think part of why it hurt and I was so shocked at times is one of the people who cut contact genuinely poured their heart out to me about some horrific trauma and literally cried in my arms like they hadn't been able to get it out before.

I appreciate each one of these points! And generally they are good advice!
But if it eases a heart that wants to take pain away I feel the need to counter a couple of them talking about some more specific details.

I am definitely comfortable with myself! I've been alone a lot throughout life and genuinely can find comfort in solitude, I enjoy my studies and my video games etc. It's not like I'm screaming "Woe is me!" to the heavens on the daily, I'm just hurt because of a few experiences recently.

I'm trying mostly to connect with people my own age, I do have friends of ages younger and older because as it turns out online gaming is a hobby that attracts a very wide audience and being a mature student at university means I'm friends with some younger adults.

I totally understand why I may appear to be coming across too strongly! I am a busy person and it's not that I'm sitting waiting for messages and instantly responding, just trying to engage when they show interest and generally being somebody who likes to talk and actually engage in conversation. Not chain messaging 17 times to somebody who clearly isn't interested. I mean hey these are people who have chosen to spent time with me IRL. It makes me worry about my behavior in that aspect, although even then I have actual IRL friends. I just wish I knew!

I've only met very, very few people here who I would really want to meet or talk to. I totally understand the assumptions behind cartoon pfp's etc. But in the cases I'm talking about I've met people through apps/social media where everything about me is on full display from the get go with my face right there first thing! We chat about meeting, random interests, niche things we like, all sorts of stuff. That's another thing that has me stressing and confused is the amount of time and effort they've spent talking and meeting with me too.

Again I really appreciate each of the points and definitely don't think they're too cliché or overused etc. I just think maybe they don't quite apply to my situation in the way that you seem to perceive it. But, thank you very much for taking it so seriously and finding the time to write out and try to help somebody you don't know, it's kind and well-intentioned and for that I'm thankful!
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YW.

As you age, your desire for others in your space will likely diminish.

You will also never know why some people are the way they are. A man will buy a woman. $10,000 necklace, then try to strangle her with it the same night for saying merry Christmas to her boss after work.

Motherfuckers just get goofy, and that’s all there is.

You’ll find your homies if you just take it slow. Be determined and patient.
 
GingerUnicorn said:
Hey before anything I just want to say thank you for such a long and thoughtful response, really means a lot!

I am definitely not hurting anybody and pride myself on being a safe space for people to be their realest selves. I think part of why it hurt and I was so shocked at times is one of the people who cut contact genuinely poured their heart out to me about some horrific trauma and literally cried in my arms like they hadn't been able to get it out before.

I appreciate each one of these points! And generally they are good advice!
But if it eases a heart that wants to take pain away I feel the need to counter a couple of them talking about some more specific details.

I am definitely comfortable with myself! I've been alone a lot throughout life and genuinely can find comfort in solitude, I enjoy my studies and my video games etc. It's not like I'm screaming "Woe is me!" to the heavens on the daily, I'm just hurt because of a few experiences recently.

I'm trying mostly to connect with people my own age, I do have friends of ages younger and older because as it turns out online gaming is a hobby that attracts a very wide audience and being a mature student at university means I'm friends with some younger adults.

I totally understand why I may appear to be coming across too strongly! I am a busy person and it's not that I'm sitting waiting for messages and instantly responding, just trying to engage when they show interest and generally being somebody who likes to talk and actually engage in conversation. Not chain messaging 17 times to somebody who clearly isn't interested. I mean hey these are people who have chosen to spent time with me IRL. It makes me worry about my behavior in that aspect, although even then I have actual IRL friends. I just wish I knew!

I've only met very, very few people here who I would really want to meet or talk to. I totally understand the assumptions behind cartoon pfp's etc. But in the cases I'm talking about I've met people through apps/social media where everything about me is on full display from the get go with my face right there first thing! We chat about meeting, random interests, niche things we like, all sorts of stuff. That's another thing that has me stressing and confused is the amount of time and effort they've spent talking and meeting with me too.

Again I really appreciate each of the points and definitely don't think they're too cliché or overused etc. I just think maybe they don't quite apply to my situation in the way that you seem to perceive it. But, thank you very much for taking it so seriously and finding the time to write out and try to help somebody you don't know, it's kind and well-intentioned and for that I'm thankful!
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Bay Area Couple made some.good points on 3 and 4. I'm curious, when you got ghosted was this a friend you were looking for or a hookup? If it was someone you were having sex with then I imagine the gay scene (you are gay, correct?) would be a lot like hookup culture where a lot ofmwen go crazy on TikTok about how some hot dude they had sex with ghosted them and then expect good guys to call him bad. Granted, I am making assumptions here and if this guy you were talking to just ghosted you then don't sweat it too much. Like Bay Area Couple said, be comfortable in yourself because actual friends are far and few in between. Even then many of the people you think are your friends really won't be your friends when they show you who they really are and the majority of people are in this for themselves. They will have no qualms about using you via a persona they led you to believe. I don't have the answer to your problems but the best I can do here is to tell you heed Bay Area Couple's advice.
 
Hey
Demigod said:
Bay Area Couple made some.good points on 3 and 4. I'm curious, when you got ghosted was this a friend you were looking for or a hookup? If it was someone you were having sex with then I imagine the gay scene (you are gay, correct?) would be a lot like hookup culture where a lot ofmwen go crazy on TikTok about how some hot dude they had sex with ghosted them and then expect good guys to call him bad. Granted, I am making assumptions here and if this guy you were talking to just ghosted you then don't sweat it too much. Like Bay Area Couple said, be comfortable in yourself because actual friends are far and few in between. Even then many of the people you think are your friends really won't be your friends when they show you who they really are and the majority of people are in this for themselves. They will have no qualms about using you via a persona they led you to believe. I don't have the answer to your problems but the best I can do here is to tell you heed Bay Area Couple's advice.
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Heya sorry for the very delayed response here.
I appreciate that this comes from a good place but you've made so many assumptions here that I never mentioned in my post because they're not true. I'm not gay I'm bi, which wouldn't even be relevant to begin with as these were not hookups and different genders or people. I talked about friendship because that's what the intention and goal was, and sure you can hookup with friends I'm not like naive to the world of casual intimacy or anything but it's just not what was happening.
In these situations its been a mix of being out having a laugh or spending the night in gaming or watching movies chilling. Bit of everything.

For what it's worth I am. Mostly comfortable with who I am. I just know in a little more weird and goofy than a lot but the people who vibe with me really seem to enjoy me being around. It's upsetting when I think I'm starting good friendship and it just goes nowhere.

Reason it hurt me so bad here is just my actual position in life right now isn't the greatest and I've been trying to reboot my social life. Since this post I've met and had fun with a few more people and we're still in contact. It really was just a time of venting for me.

And again I appreciate the good intentions but just so many assumptions!
 
Brattykat007 said:
Life is short, death is longer. Enjoy it while it lasts. Sometimes being "lonely" is a good thing. Not being caught up in other people's shit etc.
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Yeah I think this is a reasonable thing to keep in mind. I have always been a person who kept to myself with just a couple of friends, but kinda ended up becoming too distanced.

At a point in life where basically everything has reset and so I'm trying to get experiences and socialise in a way I haven't before. I'm comfortable being alone, just don't want to be too lonely I reckon.

Thank you :gsd_happysmile:
 
Can't promise that I'll respond quickly, but feel free to pm me if you need to vent. I have been there myself and friends helped by just listening. I would like to pay it forward and do the same. Also, I second everything @stuckknot78 said and would add not to forget to be kind to yourself.
 
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