The Most Embarrassing Zoo Thing You Have Said To a Non-Zoo

QuantumHusky

Citizen of Zooville
Okay so I was chatting with someone here and it reminded me of how clueless being a male zoo exclusive can leave you to the other of the human gender. What's the most Embarrassing Zoo thing you have said to someone? I think mine was when my niece was like "I can't go swimming because you know". I was shy about it and was like "because you are in heat"? Immediately both my mom and she were like humans aren't dogs we don't go through heat! I have to say it's probably one of the more embarrassing zoo moments I have had.
 
Well, where i work is surrounded by what used to be farm fields and there live a lot of stray dogs now, one time a bitch was in heat and 2 male dogs were trying to mount her just outside my work place, so i was with 2 of my co-workers watching the scene when one of the male dogs got lucky and started knotting the poor bitch she was screaming, one of the guys said that he always thought dogs had more pain that pleasure when they fuck and i replied that maybe the bone inside the dogs dick hit her wrong and thats why she screams cause its very painful, both of them started looking at me weird and i said "i know cause my cousin had rottweilers and he breed them for puppies" but since that day It was never the same
 
Oh God, this reminds me of something I did like 5 years back. I had just gotten my wisdom teeth pulled and I was on Vicodin at the time. This was maybe the 2nd or 3rd day I was on the medication so my body wasn't used to it yet. I was in the living room talking to my mother and somehow the topic of horses came up. In my opioid induced delirium I blurted out "Horse dicks are bigger than those Maglite flashlights!" My mother had the look on her face that said, "WTF did you just say?" But once I realized what I had just said I tried to quickly change the subject. I don't remember much else, but I do remember that bit!
 
Oh God, this reminds me of something I did like 5 years back. I had just gotten my wisdom teeth pulled and I was on Vicodin at the time. This was maybe the 2nd or 3rd day I was on the medication so my body wasn't used to it yet. I was in the living room talking to my mother and somehow the topic of horses came up. In my opioid induced delirium I blurted out "Horse dicks are bigger than those Maglite flashlights!" My mother had the look on her face that said, "WTF did you just say?" But once I realized what I had just said I tried to quickly change the subject. I don't remember much else, but I do remember that bit!

They had you on some hardcore stuff XD
 
This doesn't quite qualify, but I can't help but include this story...

Waaaayyy back when I was a kid, say 11 or 12 YO, I was riding thru our neighborhood in the family car my mom driving, my best friend Eli with us. Even back then I was a horny little fucker, and was strongly attracted to animals. That said, I was apt to surreptitiously check out the naughty bits of any animal in eyesight. So I notice we are approaching a large black dog sorta squatting on a lawn with a huge orange appendage hanging beneath his butt. At first glance I thought he was taking a shit, but as we got closer it soon became apparent that it was a HUGE doggy boner with a shocking bright orange color. Just completely giant, especially in relation to the size of his body. A regular John Holmes of the canine world. It was kinda mindblowing to realize a dog could be so well hung. Hard as it was to take my eyes off such a magnificent member, I managed not to stare directly at it as we passed him by. I remember thinking how odd that he was completely alone with such a gigantic erection, and the gears started turning in my mind as to how the mutt got to be in such an excited state. Obviously had just tied with a mate, but whether it was canine or human it was no where to be seen.

My friend was oblivious at first, chatting away inconsequentially the way kids do, but I knew my mom had seen it and although both of us were awkwardly in awe of the sight we were doing our best to ignore it to avoid any social embarrassment. Just as we were passing him, my innocent friend finally notices the mutt and blurts out to my mom " Oh my god Mrs. ******, that dog's taking a big orange crap!"

Without missing a beat my mom dead-pans "Eli, that's not a crap!"🤣🤣🤣

My friend was speechless...

Precious childhood memories...🙂
 
when I was with a group of friends we were talking about doggystyle sex with our husbands, I said dogs last longer. I got stares and I said well havent you seen when two dogs are stuck together?...
 
*I was known to be openly a perv, back in the day. Always making sexual reference, and banging any female who would open her legs, but was "clean"*
Someone: Would you fuck a cat?
Me: Pussy is pussy.
Totally in a joking manner, but the guys would always bring it up.

When I was really young(early teens) I also asked my neighbor why her dog had a red thing poking out. That was embarassing, and totally forgot about it, until now. lol
 
Friend 1: *tells of a bad sitation he was in*
Friend 2: "That sucks donkey balls!"
Me to Friend 2: "You say that like it's a bad thing?"
Friend 1 and 2: "I don''t know about you sometimes, dude..."
(I'm reasonably well known for unusual sexuality makes it funnier)

It was one of my, "Let's throw this out there and see what happens..." moments. Reactions are so fun, I use it everytime someone uses that slang term :devilish:
 
Funny topic!
Well.. in school about 25 years ago we had very attractive young biology teacher. Her name was Eve and she had awesome lips. Like most of my horny teenager colleagues my imagination was focused on sexual activity. So we joked between lessons that our teacher Eve must be good with doing blowjob.. I said "she can do bj and lick balls to every male if possible, even if is a man, dog, horse or midget". Classmates had many laugh because I said this loudly. The catch is in class next to us was one short guy who been called "midget".
We tried to compete who will be more funny and sometimes ends with radiculous jokes or cringe :) Good times!
 
I happened to say a little too much to one of my best girl friend

We had been out all evening partying and I asked if she wanted to come along and play with one of my dog males. She turned completely red in the head and said nothing. But the next day I got a lot of nasty questions I just answered that I was joking but she did not believe me I know.
 
Started making a joke at a bar about wanting to fuck a dog that was there but I didn't seem at all like it was some kind of joke or something, it was like i was checking out a guy/girl and like it was normal. Hard to brush that one off to be honest. We weren't THAT drunk yet, lol.
 
Started making a joke at a bar about wanting to fuck a dog that was there but I didn't seem at all like it was some kind of joke or something, it was like i was checking out a guy/girl and like it was normal. Hard to brush that one off to be honest. We weren't THAT drunk yet, lol.
I cant tell you how many times I see a dog walk by and am like long necking it to check him/her out.
 
I happened to say a little too much to one of my best girl friend

We had been out all evening partying and I asked if she wanted to come along and play with one of my dog males. She turned completely red in the head and said nothing. But the next day I got a lot of nasty questions I just answered that I was joking but she did not believe me I know.
Did she try it out?
 
Most embarrassing thing for me wasn’t anything I said to a non-zoo, but what popped up in my media player.

A buddy of mine had asked for help creating a playlist for his wedding because I had all kinds of music. So brought over my laptop to go through a put together a playlist. I opened up the media player and sure enough I guess the last video playing was a chick taking a horse and moaning like no other. I am not even sure if he noticed, but I closed that down pretty quick. Never chatted about it and it never came up, but that was pretty embarrassing. A lot more careful these days. Once I watch a file it’s usually deleted right after.
 
I can't remember what I actually said in the end, but I'm guessing they didn't come to the conclusion that I let dogs fuck me otherwise I'd have had an inevitable friendship intervention :ROFLMAO:

-so pretty well I'd say :LOL:
That’s all that matters then lmao. Do you think they would have been curious? Or upset?
 
Definitely talking about sex with friends and doggy style coming up and just stumbling over my words when trying to talk about it because for us here it has a whole different meaning
This is so true. It’s weird how we all look at that different now
 
I can add a funny one that was hard to believe it happened. A bunch of my friends went on a 2 day horse trek and there were a number of unfamiliar people doing the same ride. One of my friends was riding a gelding called Jack. After many hours in the saddle and getting a bit tired we were all making silly jokes and telling funny stories. A joke I remember from that day was from one of the girls possibly the same one that made the embarrassing comment later. "How do you get a Witch Pregnant" Answer "Fuck her".

Anyway Jack may have been a little lame but his hoof beats were out of sync. We were all making jokes about how my friend might have to stop and change the flat. My friend jokingly said that maybe the geldings dick was the handle for the Jack to lift him up to change the flat. One of the girls yells out Nah that is so you can inflate the tyre. Everyone froze when they mentally processed that image, the girl turned red and moved her horse back in the group. People were not sure how to laugh at that one.
 
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