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Talking about being zoo

K9lover69NL

K9lover69NL

Tourist
I'll try to keep it short. My partner of 14yrs knows about me being zoo or at least he knows I'm attracted to dogs in a romantic and sexual way. He's not into it, and because of the laws he doesn't want me to get into trouble. He's not much interested in having pets, and he doesn't want the responsibilty of owning one. Fair enough, thing is...it sometimes makes me depressed that I will never have the expierences I've been dreaming off for 20+years. He often asks me if I would wanna talk to a proffesional about it, like he did when he was dealing with trauma. I'm way too scared to bring this up to a psychologist, even if there is something like an NDA, I'm afraid they would get me in trouble anyway.

Now i'm wondering if any of you all ever did talk to a proffesional, or know anybody who did and what happened after.

FYI I'm from the Netherlands - Europe, so our rules and laws may be different.

PS. He's not suggesting it to get me "fixed", he hopes it will give me a better understanding on how to deal with these feelings that I'm having.
 
In the US doctor patient confidentiality with a therapist can only be broken, and is required to be, only if you divulge that you commited a serious crime, such as murder or child assault (normal or sexual). Having "desires to" is not sufficient, onky if you've actually acted. This should be one of the first things a new therapist discusses with a new patient in your first session, and the first session should be you feeling out the therapist to see if they'll work for you.

Your country may be different.

Also, therapy is intended to change things and/or learn coaping mechanisms, so unless you actually want "fix" it there's no real reason to bring it up, unless some other issue you're workinf on stems from it.
 
I know exactly what you're going through.
After 11 years, I told my wife that my love for animals isn't exactly typical. I have experience with several species, and I defined my own situation as a deviation. I didn't need to consult a specialist, but it helped a lot that I could talk openly with my wife about the topic. Naturally, her reaction wasn’t great at first, but over time, she not only accepted it but also developed an interest herself. Now, we have a cute male Dalmatian :) My main point was that communication can resolve your life, you just need to be able to talk openly and without taboos.
 
Without going into details, I've been to 2 therapists in the past(in the Netherlands). Both assured me everything I'd say is confidential, they wont tell anyone else yadayada.

1 of them I strongly suspect he told someone else I knew something I talked about.
The other one I'm 99.99% sure told someone else.

So no way I'd talk to a professional about this.
 
Steve1982nl said:
Without going into details, I've been to 2 therapists in the past(in the Netherlands). Both assured me everything I'd say is confidential, they wont tell anyone else yadayada.

1 of them I strongly suspect he told someone else I knew something I talked about.
The other one I'm 99.99% sure told someone else.

So no way I'd talk to a professional about this.
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I'm sorry you had this experience man, it's the main reason why I felt hesitant
 
Furyan13 said:
I know exactly what you're going through.
After 11 years, I told my wife that my love for animals isn't exactly typical. I have experience with several species, and I defined my own situation as a deviation. I didn't need to consult a specialist, but it helped a lot that I could talk openly with my wife about the topic. Naturally, her reaction wasn’t great at first, but over time, she not only accepted it but also developed an interest herself. Now, we have a cute male Dalmatian :) My main point was that communication can resolve your life, you just need to be able to talk openly and without taboos.
Click to expand...
I can talk about it with my partner, but since he's not into it, and it will not change anything about it I usually just keep it to myself
 
K9lover69NL said:
I can talk about it with my partner, but since he's not into it, and it will not change anything about it I usually just keep it to myself
Click to expand...
Of course, I understand, and I didn’t mean to say this is the universal solution; I’m just sharing my own experiences. I’m sorry if this level of communication doesn’t work with your partner. It worked for me, but it wasn’t an easy process.
 
Furyan13 said:
Of course, I understand, and I didn’t mean to say this is the universal solution; I’m just sharing my own experiences. I’m sorry if this level of communication doesn’t work with your partner. It worked for me, but it wasn’t an easy process.
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I really hope to have it just like you sometimes, it's basically the best outcome possible. 💜
 
I don’t mean to be negative in ANY way.. but maybe that partner isn’t the one for you.

While yes, most people will be absolutely flabbergasted when they find out if you’re zoo… I feel like real love and commitment should still trump that.

I also don’t think therapy is necessary at all.
I am in therapy for other issues and trust me, I tell my therapist everything. She knows every aspect of myself just not the zoo part.
While I’ve hated myself and struggled with this side, I have been able to heal, cope, and understand this side of myself on my own. I got a lot of help from people here and did my own shadow work, meditation, etc.

A therapist is going to most likely make you feel wrong. To try to teach you to let go of this. To try to “fix” this aspect of you.

It is simply who you are. Just like if you’re gay, straight, bi… in my opinion this is the same.

Let people here be your therapy, some people can be real assholes here but you’ll find there are many awesome people who are happy to help, share love, stories and good energy. For example, you can message me anytime!

Back to the point,

You said he doesn’t want you to get “fixed” but to understand yourself more. You can do this all in your own through education, reading, meditation, connecting with others like yourself. I truly do not believe therapy will help. Maybe show him this forum and some of the stories on here. Show him how many others struggle with acceptance and understanding. Show him how awesome and successful the ones who have accepted themselves are.

If he keeps pushing you for therapy I don’t think it’s to help you understand … I think it’s because he does in fact want you to get “fixed”. Just like gay conversion camp doesn’t work.. this won’t work either. You are who you are and you need to accept it, acknowledge it, and move forward with LOVE, understanding, and respect.

A little story:
I told my partner a LITTLE about it in a very cryptic way just to see what he would say. He knows my wide variety of animal like sex toys, he’s even tried them himself because I asked.
He did not like some of them and told me it politely after. While some he enjoyed and was like “I’m surprised I liked this” (one was a horse fleshlight hahaha)
But I told him I wouldn’t be opposed to being with animals if it wasn’t hated by society and I would give it a try. I also said I could see myself living in the woods with bears or a pack of wolves hahaha

And he was like WHAT YOU ARE SO ODD. And I was like come on… you’re not curious at all? What about wondering what it would feel like etc
And he said well I would maybe fuck an orca or something to know what that was like
And I was like see!

Hahahahahahaha
But I never flat out said
I am into this
I am into animals
I want a romantic relationship with an animal
It’s not a fetish it’s part of who I am and I truly feel romantic emotions like I do with you etc blah blah

Maybe one day. I will tell him when I feel as if we are both in better areas of our life.
He already told me he will love me no matter what. He’s even went eerily far with it like “if you killed my so and so, I would still find a way to love you” and I was like CHILL OUT MAN. But he was trying to just explain how deep his love really goes for me.
I’ve honestly never met anyone like him and we built a wonderful foundation of love and trust. We have worked hard on communication and we do our best to better ourselves every day.

But my POINT IS.
Your partner doesn’t have to do what you do
They don’t have to be into it
They can try it only if they want
But if the love between you both is GENUINE, REAL, etc
Then it should be something you both can have a healthy conversation about and work through
 
K9lover69NL said:
Ik zal proberen het kort te houden. Mijn partner van 14 jaar weet dat ik zoo ben of in ieder geval weet hij dat ik op een romantische en seksuele manier aangetrokken word tot honden. Hij is er niet in geïnteresseerd en vanwege de wetten wil hij niet dat ik in de problemen kom. Hij is niet zo geïnteresseerd in huisdieren en hij wil niet de verantwoordelijkheid dragen om er een te hebben. Terecht, het ding is... het maakt me soms depressief dat ik nooit de ervaringen zal hebben waar ik al 20+ jaar van droom. Hij vraagt me vaak of ik er met een professional over wil praten, zoals hij deed toen hij met trauma te maken had. Ik ben veel te bang om dit bij een psycholoog aan te kaarten, zelfs als er zoiets als een geheimhoudingsverklaring is, ben ik bang dat ze me toch in de problemen brengen.

Ik vraag me af of iemand van jullie ooit met een professional heeft gesproken, of iemand kent die dat heeft gedaan en wat er daarna is gebeurd.

Ter informatie: ik kom uit Nederland (Europa), dus onze regels en wetten kunnen anders zijn.

PS. Hij suggereert het niet om mij te "genezen", hij hoopt dat het mij een beter begrip zal geven van hoe ik met deze gevoelens om moet gaan.
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If you whant i am here for you an i Come from Belgium.
 
Cooper22z said:
I don’t mean to be negative in ANY way.. but maybe that partner isn’t the one for you.

While yes, most people will be absolutely flabbergasted when they find out if you’re zoo… I feel like real love and commitment should still trump that.

I also don’t think therapy is necessary at all.
I am in therapy for other issues and trust me, I tell my therapist everything. She knows every aspect of myself just not the zoo part.
While I’ve hated myself and struggled with this side, I have been able to heal, cope, and understand this side of myself on my own. I got a lot of help from people here and did my own shadow work, meditation, etc.

A therapist is going to most likely make you feel wrong. To try to teach you to let go of this. To try to “fix” this aspect of you.

It is simply who you are. Just like if you’re gay, straight, bi… in my opinion this is the same.

Let people here be your therapy, some people can be real assholes here but you’ll find there are many awesome people who are happy to help, share love, stories and good energy. For example, you can message me anytime!

Back to the point,

You said he doesn’t want you to get “fixed” but to understand yourself more. You can do this all in your own through education, reading, meditation, connecting with others like yourself. I truly do not believe therapy will help. Maybe show him this forum and some of the stories on here. Show him how many others struggle with acceptance and understanding. Show him how awesome and successful the ones who have accepted themselves are.

If he keeps pushing you for therapy I don’t think it’s to help you understand … I think it’s because he does in fact want you to get “fixed”. Just like gay conversion camp doesn’t work.. this won’t work either. You are who you are and you need to accept it, acknowledge it, and move forward with LOVE, understanding, and respect.

A little story:
I told my partner a LITTLE about it in a very cryptic way just to see what he would say. He knows my wide variety of animal like sex toys, he’s even tried them himself because I asked.
He did not like some of them and told me it politely after. While some he enjoyed and was like “I’m surprised I liked this” (one was a horse fleshlight hahaha)
But I told him I wouldn’t be opposed to being with animals if it wasn’t hated by society and I would give it a try. I also said I could see myself living in the woods with bears or a pack of wolves hahaha

And he was like WHAT YOU ARE SO ODD. And I was like come on… you’re not curious at all? What about wondering what it would feel like etc
And he said well I would maybe fuck an orca or something to know what that was like
And I was like see!

Hahahahahahaha
But I never flat out said
I am into this
I am into animals
I want a romantic relationship with an animal
It’s not a fetish it’s part of who I am and I truly feel romantic emotions like I do with you etc blah blah

Maybe one day. I will tell him when I feel as if we are both in better areas of our life.
He already told me he will love me no matter what. He’s even went eerily far with it like “if you killed my so and so, I would still find a way to love you” and I was like CHILL OUT MAN. But he was trying to just explain how deep his love really goes for me.
I’ve honestly never met anyone like him and we built a wonderful foundation of love and trust. We have worked hard on communication and we do our best to better ourselves every day.

But my POINT IS.
Your partner doesn’t have to do what you do
They don’t have to be into it
They can try it only if they want
But if the love between you both is GENUINE, REAL, etc
Then it should be something you both can have a healthy conversation about and work through
Click to expand...
I actually might let him read some of the experiences you guys shared here and in different threads.
 
K9lover69NL said:
I'll try to keep it short. My partner of 14yrs knows about me being zoo or at least he knows I'm attracted to dogs in a romantic and sexual way. He's not into it, and because of the laws he doesn't want me to get into trouble. He's not much interested in having pets, and he doesn't want the responsibilty of owning one. Fair enough, thing is...it sometimes makes me depressed that I will never have the expierences I've been dreaming off for 20+years. He often asks me if I would wanna talk to a proffesional about it, like he did when he was dealing with trauma. I'm way too scared to bring this up to a psychologist, even if there is something like an NDA, I'm afraid they would get me in trouble anyway.

Now i'm wondering if any of you all ever did talk to a proffesional, or know anybody who did and what happened after.

FYI I'm from the Netherlands - Europe, so our rules and laws may be different.

PS. He's not suggesting it to get me "fixed", he hopes it will give me a better understanding on how to deal with these feelings that I'm having.
Click to expand...
I live in a nearby country and discussed the topic with a psychiatrist (which I was seeing following a work-related burst of anxiety). He did not see an issue with it and did not try to 'cure' me of it. Of course each doctor is different but a decent one should not threaten or shame you. Perhaps be mindful that therapist is a broad term and is commonly used both for doctors in psychiatry and less-qualified counselors.
 
Martian said:
I live in a nearby country and discussed the topic with a psychiatrist (which I was seeing following a work-related burst of anxiety). He did not see an issue with it and did not try to 'cure' me of it. Of course each doctor is different but a decent one should not threaten or shame you. Perhaps be mindful that therapist is a broad term and is commonly used both for doctors in psychiatry and less-qualified counselors.
Click to expand...
We've had some counseling from a sexologist before pretty early in our relationship. I'm wondering if that would be the right direction to work towards to if I was willing to talk about it.
 
K9lover69NL said:
We've had some counseling from a sexologist before pretty early in our relationship. I'm wondering if that would be the right direction to work towards to if I was willing to talk about it.
Click to expand...
It's hard to tell in advance. If the counsellor is open minded you could give it a try and discuss your fantasies but check that they are bound by a confidentiality clause and never discuss actual acts or plans to engage in such acts unless you have full confidence in them.
 
Martian said:
It's hard to tell in advance. If the counsellor is open minded you could give it a try and discuss your fantasies but check that they are bound by a confidentiality clause and never discuss actual acts or plans to engage in such acts unless you have full confidence in them.
Click to expand...
Good advice
 
So small update: had a good conversation yesterday with my partner. Told him about being on a forum and he was worried a bit. He didn't wanna see or read anything, but at least i feel like i got to explain better what it means to me and that the idea of never owning a pet was depressing. To my surprise he was willing to do a consession i never thought he would make, he was okay with the idea of just dogsitting for a day or two every once in a while to fill the void I have, although we don't have many friends or neighbors with dogs I was super happy.

The one friend we have living nearby that has a dog told us she was away for almost the whole day on Tuesday, so he asked her if I could help with the dog when she was gone and she happily accepted....so not only I had a nice talk, and a big consession on his part, I also get to dogsit a super sweet and cute white shepard for a day and he's even willing to walk him himself when I'm at work. I'm so happy, and I can't wait to spoil him with lots of cuddles, long walks and play time!!

Thanks everyone for the advice, it was what I needed to gather the currage to talk to him again about it 💜
 
Dogsitting is a great way to see how you feel about owning for a dog with all the good and bad sides (early morning walks rain or shine and picking up after him). I'm sure you already know that but just in case please don't try anything sexual with a dog that's under your temporary care. It could end with a lot of trouble, especially if someone else knows about your desires.
 
Martian said:
Dogsitting is a great way to see how you feel about owning for a dog with all the good and bad sides (early morning walks rain or shine and picking up after him). I'm sure you already know that but just in case please don't try anything sexual with a dog that's under your temporary care. It could end with a lot of trouble, especially if someone else knows about your desires.
Click to expand...
I grew up with dogs I just never had one of my own since I moved out my parents house eleven years ago. I'm not gonna try anything sexual, first it's not my dog, and second I'm not wanna risk anything for one time fun.
 
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