FreakyFred
Tourist
So I'm in a zoo/non zoo relationship and sometimes things get pretty heated. i was wondering if there are any non zoos out there in a relationship that would be willing to talk to us and maybe share some advice.
Relationship troubles
- Thread starter FreakyFred
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Kynophile
ZooVille Philanthropist
Zooier Than Thou's latest episode is literally about this. You can listen to it here. You'll get more details and examples there, but the takeaways are that communication is the key to absolutely everything, and that zoos often make arrangements with their nonzoo partners to each fulfill their needs, if the zoo's orientation or animal partnership makes things different than they expected.
FreakyFred
Tourist
i've listened to it. i tried to get my husband to listen to it but he doesn't seem to want to use any resources i suggest to him.
Is he not taking any interest in your needs?
Kynophile
ZooVille Philanthropist
If I were him, I'd be suspicious that you're trying to buck up your side of the discussion with someone that already agrees with you. At that point, it's really a matter of sitting down and talking things out. What do you both want out of the relationship? What are the effects of whatever you're currently doing on each other, and how can you make it better? You really need to understand each other's priorities and see if you can find a way to compromise to fulfill each other's needs. And if you can't, you need to consider what comes next.
FreakyFred
Tourist
i need to stop hiding my true self around him. i need him to understand that the reason i'm not sexual around him is because he basically asks me to turn off the sexual part of my brain when i'm around him.
Kynophile
ZooVille Philanthropist
If you can't simply be yourself around him, warts and all, that's a red flag. I understand his frustration a little; my boyfriend is zoo, but more zoo exclusive than I am, and now for the most part we've put a hold on sex until we can find a furry friend to join in.
That being said, though, I still tell him everything, and try to get him to tell me things. We make each other laugh, I comfort him through anxiety and tears (I rarely get that way, but he's there just in case). He tolerates my random pedantic tangents and I tolerate his dark sense of humor. We talk things out and try to make it work. It's not perfect now, but it gets better all the time, and it's a constant effort for me to factor him in, make sure his needs are met too.
My point is, you don't have to be the same as your partner, and you really shouldn't be, since they can balance out some of your flaws. But you should be your most authentic self with your partner. That doesn't mean being selfish and doing only what you like; it means being completely honest with each other, with the hope that you each can be better off as individuals by being together as a couple.
That being said, though, I still tell him everything, and try to get him to tell me things. We make each other laugh, I comfort him through anxiety and tears (I rarely get that way, but he's there just in case). He tolerates my random pedantic tangents and I tolerate his dark sense of humor. We talk things out and try to make it work. It's not perfect now, but it gets better all the time, and it's a constant effort for me to factor him in, make sure his needs are met too.
My point is, you don't have to be the same as your partner, and you really shouldn't be, since they can balance out some of your flaws. But you should be your most authentic self with your partner. That doesn't mean being selfish and doing only what you like; it means being completely honest with each other, with the hope that you each can be better off as individuals by being together as a couple.