Question for married people

[Doggerman25]

I am strongly considering telling my wife about who I am but since she is bipolar I am not sure how she will react, and I am usually not good with explaining things very well. When I do decide to tell her I want to make sure I am clear about what I am trying to tell her and not give a wrong impression. So my questions for guys/girls are; When you told your wife/husband, how did they react? and What were some things that you did/say to help them understand?

 

[V4rmint]

There are a lot of similar questions here with good advice on them
One piece I see a lot is the "accidental zoo porn" method where you watch porn together on a site that isn't specifically zoo but has zoo content & "accidentally" click on a video, then talk about it too gauge your partner's reaction
Good luck friend. I hope she's at the very least OK w it. If you're really lucky she'll be into it but don't get your hopes too high... plus if you're a man, even if she's OK with straight zoo porn if she's homophobic she might flip out over gay zoo porn (I don't know what your tastes are)

 

[Bucephalus]

Communication is the bedrock for almost all relationships, because of this I told my husband openly and honestly about my fantasies and desires. Because I chose my partner carefully and know who he is I knew that he would be open, understanding and honest. He was very kind and said it wasn't his thing, but I could pursue whatever I wanted as far as I wanted as long as we communicated as we went.

I know this is not the norm necessarily, and everyone is different; so only you will know how she may react. But depending on your goals and desires together there is always the possibility of a negative outcome.

Is there a specific reason you are wanting to tell her? Is there something you hope to lose/gain? The bi-polar information is something I do not have experience with so I unfortunately cannot express if it may be an influential factor or not.

Either way, I wish you the best of luck. Cheers!

 

[azknottysex]

Communication is the bedrock for almost all relationships, because of this I told my husband openly and honestly about my fantasies and desires. Because I chose my partner carefully and know who he is I knew that he would be open, understanding and honest. He was very kind and said it wasn't his thing, but I could pursue whatever I wanted as far as I wanted as long as we communicated as we went.

I know this is not the norm necessarily, and everyone is different; so only you will know how she may react. But depending on your goals and desires together there is always the possibility of a negative outcome.

Is there a specific reason you are wanting to tell her? Is there something you hope to lose/gain? The bi-polar information is something I do not have experience with so I unfortunately cannot express if it may be an influential factor or not.

Either way, I wish you the best of luck. Cheers!

couldnt have said it better my self.

 

[Doggerman25]

Communication is the bedrock for almost all relationships, because of this I told my husband openly and honestly about my fantasies and desires. Because I chose my partner carefully and know who he is I knew that he would be open, understanding and honest. He was very kind and said it wasn't his thing, but I could pursue whatever I wanted as far as I wanted as long as we communicated as we went.

I know this is not the norm necessarily, and everyone is different; so only you will know how she may react. But depending on your goals and desires together there is always the possibility of a negative outcome.

Is there a specific reason you are wanting to tell her? Is there something you hope to lose/gain? The bi-polar information is something I do not have experience with so I unfortunately cannot express if it may be an influential factor or not.

Either way, I wish you the best of luck. Cheers!

I have struggled accepting who I am until this year so I have withheld telling her for that reason but I hate keeping secrets from her. I have struggled with communication in the past (used to get really stressed and became distant). She has also struggled with her self confidence, and there has been lots of stressors recently with the world in its current state as well as trying to start a family. She has been really supportive over the years but it also has been difficult with her bipolar (sometimes its hard to tell how she is feeling on a given day).

The main reason why I want to tell her is to be more open with her and to be able to talk to her about it. I do not expect her to be into it, nor do I want her to do anything in regards to this lifestyle. My only fear is losing her and the life we have built together.

 

[Bucephalus]

It sounds like you are in the right space which is great! I understand the stressful situation that you guys are probably in and we all are more or less because of the state of the world; just choose your moment carefully so an extra stressor is not added, especially when you guys are trying to grow your family.

 

[ChestnutDane]

Its a tough one as only you know your partner. IMHO, open and honest is good and the correct way, but be prepared that she may not take it well. Accidental porn is often spoken of, however, my only concern is how 'accidental' can Zoo porn be? Its not really main stream stuff. She may well get the impression that the accidental bit was contrived and that would not go down well.
I would try an open and honest conversation about sexual fantasies, in the right setting, edging towards Zoo, but leaving you able to back out without committing too much of yourself if things don't go well. You can amp up the conversation or back off as you gauge her reaction to what you say. If all goes well you can share more and ultimately admit your feelings. This may not be a one night thing, start slow and see what happens. That said, I used the open and honest disclosure but, like @Bucephalus , I knew and trusted my partner and was confident of a positive outcome, which we got.

Only you know the answer. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

 

[Doggerman25]

Its a tough one as only you know your partner. IMHO, open and honest is good and the correct way, but be prepared that she may not take it well. Accidental porn is often spoken of, however, my only concern is how 'accidental' can Zoo porn be? Its not really main stream stuff. She may well get the impression that the accidental bit was contrived and that would not go down well.
I would try an open and honest conversation about sexual fantasies, in the right setting, edging towards Zoo, but leaving you able to back out without committing too much of yourself if things don't go well. You can amp up the conversation or back off as you gauge her reaction to what you say. If all goes well you can share more and ultimately admit your feelings. This may not be a one night thing, start slow and see what happens. That said, I used the open and honest disclosure but, like @Bucephalus , I knew and trusted my partner and was confident of a positive outcome, which we got.

Only you know the answer. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

Yeah I thought about the "accidental porn" approach in the past but I don't think its the right way for my situation. I plan on doing the honest approach. I remember when we first started dating she asked me what my fetishes were but I didn't say anything because I was afraid. I grown up in a religious family and was ashamed of my feelings at the time. Now that I am older and have come to accept who I am, I feel she deserves to know. Thanks for the advice of starting slow, I was thinking of just coming out and saying it but the logical choice I think is to start slow.