Partners and acceptance

[Bucephalus]

Hey guys! This may have been covered indirectly before, but I wanted to see what unique insights and arrangements there were out there.

For those of us lucky enough to have partners that are open and accepting enough of our desires, but aren't interested in participating themselves or with us; What kind of special arrangements or understandings do you two have? Has there ever been tension or worries when the idea of getting a family pet is brought up (even in a non-zoo context?)

Any thoughts or information is greatly appreciated!

 

[saddlebum66]

Once upon a time, when I was married, my now-ex decided we needed a dog...we chose a Toller, and she was the sweetest, smartest dog Ive ever known. The idea at the time, was to show her and perhaps become a breeder, because the bloodline and her conformation were that good; she was a Covergirl among her peers....one day I came home to find that the ex had taken her off to be spayed, because she couldnt be bothered watching or walking the dog "to keep her out of trouble"....my ex knew of my interest, though not how deep and abiding it was....I never made an overture to her about it. That was never on the table. But Ive always felt that spaying that bitch was at least partly fueled by her imagination. Since then any relationships Ive had originated within the forum pools.

 

[Bucephalus]

Once upon a time, when I was married, my now-ex decided we needed a dog...we chose a Toller, and she was the sweetest, smartest dog Ive ever known. The idea at the time, was to show her and perhaps become a breeder, because the bloodline and her conformation were that good; she was a Covergirl among her peers....one day I came home to find that the ex had taken her off to be spayed, because she couldnt be bothered watching or walking the dog "to keep her out of trouble"....my ex knew of my interest, though not how deep and abiding it was....I never made an overture to her about it. That was never on the table. But Ive always felt that spaying that bitch was at least partly fueled by her imagination. Since then any relationships Ive had originated within the forum pools.

I'm sorry to hear that, and that things were not discussed very openly. Do you believe there was anything you guys could have discussed that would have changed the outcome? Or was it too much of a hot button issue? What sort of attitude did she take towards you opening about your interest/desires?

 

[saddlebum66]

I'm sorry to hear that, and that things were not discussed very openly. Do you believe there was anything you guys could have discussed that would have changed the outcome? Or was it too much of a hot button issue? What sort of attitude did she take towards you opening about your interest/desires?

I doubt it would have mattered much. I wasnt necessarily looking to share it....she was not an open person in our earliest days, and got more closed in by the year. There are two sides to a story, of course, but itd be pretty hard to explain why it was how it was....I will say this much....I literally grew up hiding this...it wasnt something, at the time, I had any intention of sharing. It wasnt until we split that I began to see the possibilities....Not with her, though....wouldnt have worked....but that, as they say, was her loss.

 

[Locoluv]

Hi I was married to a like minded lady for 28 years She like dogs (not as much as I liked mares) but enough for us to be able to help each other whenever we could, We had lotsa fun over a long period. Things change, people change we split for unrelated issues, my choice (fault even) and I thought that I could leave my zoo desires behind, I must have been dreaming, as I am back here a keen as ever with a new partner that doesn't know. she has watched zoo porn with me and I think she has a slight inkling that I may be interested. I just have to grow bigger balls and tell her what I am like, I guess I feel a little like I have betrayed her but not owning up during the last 15 years., but I was thinking I was over it, when we first got together. Cheers good thread will be interesting to see how many others respond. LL

 

[Reconscope]

Once upon a time, when I was married, my now-ex decided we needed a dog...we chose a Toller, and she was the sweetest, smartest dog Ive ever known. The idea at the time, was to show her and perhaps become a breeder, because the bloodline and her conformation were that good; she was a Covergirl among her peers....one day I came home to find that the ex had taken her off to be spayed, because she couldnt be bothered watching or walking the dog "to keep her out of trouble"....my ex knew of my interest, though not how deep and abiding it was....I never made an overture to her about it. That was never on the table. But Ive always felt that spaying that bitch was at least partly fueled by her imagination. Since then any relationships Ive had originated within the forum pools.

im so sorry that she disappointed you by that surprise spaying without your consent or notice.

 

[TeslaModel3]

Great question! I've been with my girlfriend for the past 2.5 years, and she has known about this part of me for just over a year now. She is completely open and accepting. We actually just had nice conversation on the topic, as she is very open minded and is always willing to learn more about the subject. She also goes about doing research on her own and such, and is open to looking at some vids and stuff. She told me next time we do something to show her some of those vids haha. As for agreements, she says she allows me to do pretty much whatever I want with a dog, so long as I don't tell her as she'd rather not know about any specifics. Although I haven't had any experience yet (and probably won't any time soon), I felt it was good for us to come to an agreement to that early on. I honestly didn't expect her to be that open about it, but hey I won't complain. She still has time to backtrack on that statement, but I don't think she will. She's reassured me a few times. She also knows I'm active on these forums, as well as chatrooms and is also fine with everything about that. I'm definitely excited to see where things go from here

 

[saddlebum66]

im so sorry that she disappointed you by that surprise spaying without your consent or notice.

People do what they do. But when we parted company, the dog went with me. She was a merry little lady, and had some fun in her life. Ruined me for other dogs, though...

 

[Reconscope]

People do what they do. But when we parted company, the dog went with me. She was a merry little lady, and had some fun in her life. Ruined me for other dogs, though...

yes at least she had a good life. thats the main thing that matters.

 

[Bucephalus]

Great question! I've been with my girlfriend for the past 2.5 years, and she has known about this part of me for just over a year now. She is completely open and accepting. We actually just had nice conversation on the topic, as she is very open minded and is always willing to learn more about the subject. She also goes about doing research on her own and such, and is open to looking at some vids and stuff. She told me next time we do something to show her some of those vids haha. As for agreements, she says she allows me to do pretty much whatever I want with a dog, so long as I don't tell her as she'd rather not know about any specifics. Although I haven't had any experience yet (and probably won't any time soon), I felt it was good for us to come to an agreement to that early on. I honestly didn't expect her to be that open about it, but hey I won't complain. She still has time to backtrack on that statement, but I don't think she will. She's reassured me a few times. She also knows I'm active on these forums, as well as chatrooms and is also fine with everything about that. I'm definitely excited to see where things go from here

That's fantastic! I'm happy to hear that! Is she coming at it from a "I want to try this myself one day?" Approach? Or is she more just taking a healthy interest in you and supporting anyway she can? Have there ever been conflicts about getting your own puppy and what that may entail? Or is it sort of a non-issue? Do you guys have any other non-normative agreements that may affect her openness or willingness?
This is more or less the scenario I am interested in/hoping for. I just want all the information I can get on creating the environment I can foster that!

 

[Kusaragi]

I have been incredibly lucky with my circumstances. I meet my forever mate (human) early on. We had so much in common it was uncanny. My approach to relationships was "brutal honesty", where I will lay out ALL my desires and my hangups early on in the relationship. If they can't deal with me at my weirdest, then I shouldn't have to fight them about the small things.

But that also meant presenting some of my appetites in the bedroom as well.Our relationship, which is going strong at more then 15 years, was based on that foundation, and we are pretty comfortable being Polly. If I can't provide something they need, they can invite someone over to fill that need (With plenty of communication about everything there). That also stands for me, and sometimes that means inviting someone over, with their canine.

With all the talks, ground rules, and feelings involved it's sometimes easy to become complacent, just to go off and do whatever you want, but a good set of rules can be a safety net for after the Stud goes home.