• Suddenly unable to log into your ZooVille account? This might be the reason why: CLICK HERE!

New to sex with humans, how can I (24m) be more dominant and explore BDSM with more experienced gf (23f) that I lost my "human virginity" to?

SultryHellhound

SultryHellhound

Citizen of Zooville
I've been having sex with my female dog since January and recently got a human gf and started having sex with her at the beginning of June.

Now that sex seems to be getting back to normal for me after a bit of psychogenic ED from performance anxiety after learning about my gf's kinks, I'd still like to wait a few months to get more comfortable with sex before trying the kinkier stuff. However, the idea of exploring this still seems a bit intimidating and overwhelming for me because my gf already has experience with BDSM and knows what she likes and does not like and already knows she's submissive, masochist, brat, rope bunny, and I'm starting from scratch completely, with only 2.5 months of having sex with. In fact, she's the one I lost my "human virginity" to so she's the only sex experience I've had, and our sex has been pretty much vanilla, with cowgirl and doggy style being our main 2 positions.

Honestly I really enjoy it because that's all I know, but I can definitely see how that can start to get boring. But I don't want to just start trying stuff just because it's what she already likes. Although she did say that she is willing to try literally anything once except for anal. How can I start exploring this without feeling I have some expectation or pressure to live up to? Note that she said that if I never did any of that stuff she'd be perfectly happy with our sex life. Like right now I'm cool with spanking her butt with my hands, that one is kinda fun but I'm not at the point where I'm cool with hitting so hard to the point where I'm leaving bruises. I'm more the laid back doting type so context switching during sex seems like a challenge lol.

But she has expressed that she would love anything in the category where she's submissive and I'm dominant over her, and to do whatever I want to her. Which I like the *idea* of it, but I have zero idea of the execution because I literally don't know wtf to do.

Any guidance or advice would be greatly appreciated!
 
First of all if it is not in you to be dominant don't play at it. Being Dominant, or submissive, should come naturally. I would suggest going to a site like fetlife.com There you can learn more about D/s, BDSM, etc than you will from this site. Both of you can enjoy your kinks without being dominant or submissive. For me D/s is about power exchange, not kinky sex.
 
WI_GS_Owner said:
Being Dominant, or submissive, should come naturally.
Click to expand...
I feel like I have it in me to be dominant as I feel I have to be a bit "dominant" with my shepsky girl, but that's in a "pure" way. I'll rough fuck my human gf and spank, grab hips to pull with claws during sex, pull her on couch, pin her by wrists above her head while making out, etc. But like I'm more animalistic during sex and I feel Dom / Sub is more about roleplay and I'm not an actor lmfao.
 
A little background and context for this reply:

I (40M) and my girlfriend (35F) live a 24/7 power exchange dynamic that is based around mutual BDSM. I am the Dominant one, and she is my submissive. I've had experience with Ds relationships for in excess of 20 years

That being said, if you aren't a dominant person, you won't be dominant in bed. It needs to be your nature, for it to be the least bit enjoyable, AND safe, for both of you. Why do you want to be more dominant? Why do you think you need to use more than two or three positions? Even though we are a kinky couple in and out of bed, we still use missionary, cowgirl, and doggy for 80% of the sex we have. There's nothing boring about it.

Don't feel like you need to complicate anything, when you admittedly have virtually zero experience with sex.

Enjoy what you have, grow naturally, and don't force anything at all.
 
You could split the difference, so to speak.
One domination role that plays right along with our world here is pet play.
You could ask her how she feels about collars and leashes. Even "breeding gear" (leg straps with bars that force her legs to stay open a degree.

The big thing is discussing it with her so you are both happy. Rope play "shibari" looks really fun... an art form even. So you could ask her to teach you what she knows. There is even YouTube videos that teach some really neat rope/body styles. Something you could practice together.
 
rally.scientist said:
That being said, if you aren't a dominant person, you won't be dominant in bed. It needs to be your nature, for it to be the least bit enjoyable, AND safe, for both of you. Why do you want to be more dominant?
Click to expand...
In the relationship I'm more of the doting kind who makes the decisions, almost like a dad lmao. But I definitely wouldn't do anything like you with a 24/7 d/s dynamic because that just sounds tiring, but fun when kept in the bedroom. And I guess I want to be more dominant in bed because I like being in control and because she already likes being submissive.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top