I think people live in fear and make excuses to avoid areas they are "bothered" by.
I explore it all. Men can be just as insecure as women. As a result women often get away with the "fake nice" cards. While men are treated as some disease when they speak up and have strong opinons. Online. Offline. Applies for both.
I've always seen the "fake nice" mods being female. Anything even remotely argumententive is treated as something to be feared. Which is stupid of course.
It seems the stereotype of women being weaker is a reality. Meanwhile it's like men aren't "allowed" to be weak. So of course there's a lot of repression with lingering grudges and resentment as a result.
Sites like Fetlife will know better. Might have groups made by anyone but it's like discord. If you talk about danger/concerns people will take note more. People are encouraged to be flawed on a site like that.
Roleplay can also be a killer. I lost someone to suicide online ten years ago myself. So these roleplay sites (which I have a big need for) go "Just a roeplay site". No, it's not. It's a site with real people with real thoughts and real feelings and the mods ignore the danger. Lost in their deluded bubble of how they want/expect things to be which goes against reality. People I talk too agree with me. Even people that used to be mods agree with me. IC only types agree with me. But mods that abuse power? They won't want to listen to anything then their own opinion or whatever happens to agree with it. Quickly shutting down communication the moment they don't like what they hear. This can happen with males too of course, but when it comes to females it seems to happen more. Oh boo hoo, reality is harsh and people fall out. Deal with it.
Anyone that goes "You have to get along" is risking driving people into depression, self harm and suicide. The good intentions there are the problem. When it's "wrong" to have concerns and have an opinion then what do you think? The problem with online is censorship. You won't even see the consequences of your actions then. There's a reason I'll never block anyone. Any other situation can be handled, but if you're blind then you're not in control. Blind situations lead to out of control situations.
Second Life can go better. Just got to "keep it real" online. Hell sim is chill enough. Talked some people out of suicide even. Some people can do straight answers.
The unforunate reality is this. The desperation to "be only in a single group" is doing more harm then good when it comes to certain sites. Discord servers will have vent rooms at least. People have to speak their minds. In public as much as in privite IM/PM messages. Otherwise it's just living in fear and suffering in silence. "Fake nice people" are causing that. While they might not mean to be dishonest, if questions are asked and danger isn't even taken note of when mentioned then that's just fishy.
Ultimately gender is moot. Treat everyone alike. Try to do corrections. The problem is people that abuse power (cops, mods, bosses at work, etc) will try to have their one sided way. In person it's easier to deal with. Online people cower behind their monitors. Being the abusive bullies they fear. If you're going to be a bully then at least be honest about it.
