Spirals and Masks
Lurker
When I was 17 I let my dog lick my dick a couple times till I came and every time I did it was followed with intense anxiety, shame, guilt, and self hatred. This stress along with smoking too much weed everyday triggered psychotic episode. My life was hell, I thought everyone at my school knew and was sharing it around with everyone, but it was all in my head. I even thought my whole city knew somehow. I'm 32 now and the problem is every time I masturbate and cum it triggers a reaction out of me, either all I wanna do is cry for 3 days or I'm really angry and stressed. My anxiety levels seem to increase ten fold it's just messed up. I just want to be fine after I have sex or masturbate and not worry about having like 3 days of emotional torture and poor unrefreshing sleep. It always brings the worst out of me, problem is sometimes I think it would be hot to let a dog lick me off and other times I think it's disgusting, I don't know. I know I need therapy I'm sure but I can't afford it at the moment so this place is the only place I can think of where I can get advice. I just want to feel good and not be afraid of having an orgasm. I don't want to hate myself, I just want to accept this and be cool with it but there's always that little voice in your head that gets to you.
