I hate that I have zoophilic tendencies

[Blue Sky; Long Gone]

Hey all. I'm writing this just to vent and maybe hear feedback and thoughts. Don't reply if you don't have anything constructive to say. This isn't a hate post and I'm not trying to start an argument.



For basically my entire life, I've always been an animal person — whenever I'm hanging with friends, I always wind up with their pets crawling all over me, wild animals aren't as scared around me as they are around other people, and I can't help but find myself empathizing with animals more strongly with people.

But I'm also a zoophile and I fucking hate it. I first got the urges when I started puberty, and I started trying to engage my dog in sexual activities. I didn't really understand what I was doing; I was very hypersexual even before puberty but I had no concept of sexual morality or consent and the like, and "taboo" was completely foreign to me. I wish I knew, so I could've stopped — but I enjoyed it, and I know that nothing would've changed even if I knew. I still regularly watch zoo porn despite hating that I'm a zoo, it's just an unfortunate part of me.

I don't know how to feel about zoophilia. I stand pretty firmly in the "animals can't consent" camp, but I feel like a complete and total hypocrite any time the topic comes up (which is rare). I don't have any dislike or contempt for zoophiles, and I don't inherently hate zoophilia itself — but I struggle with so much internal conflict about it. I don't want to get into the morality of beastiality; zoophilia is a very nuanced topic and I'm not here to debate or argue.

But zoophilia is rotting from me inside and I need to know how to fucking deal with this shit. It keeps seeping into everything in my life: my porn consumption, my sex life (pet-play), my mental health, and even my writing??? I just want it to go away so I can feel normal. I hate harbouring this dark nightmare in my head — it is a scourge upon my life and a parasite that I'm afraid will destroy me in the future. My biggest fear currently is meeting another zoo or having a friend or partner come out as one — because I know I'm terrified of what might come from that.

I know this is all shit I should be telling a therapist, but I  CANNOT have anyone irl know about this — even if they're bound by strict client confidentiality. I'm terrified of the consequences of anyone finding out. I don't want my friends or my family to know and see me like some sort of monster, and I don't want to have my future ruined before I even finish college.

Please, I need guidance. How do I deal with this? I need to know how I can deal with this in a healthy and responsible manner. I don't even know where to begin.

Thanks in advance and sorry if I posted in the wrong topic or whatever — I'm new to this forum.

Also I'd like to clarify that I don't think zoophiles are bad people or immoral or anything. I hate that I'm a zoophile while not hating that zoophiles exist.

 

[egoldstein]

The pressure to conform to societal norms can be oppressive, sorry you're dealing with that.
I think for a lot of people they end up expressing more about things they're trying to deny.

I personally would advise you to see a therapist, it's important to ask leading questions to help you understand things like what is mandatory reporting and the like so you know what you can and can't share. I found it handy myself many years ago, but we each deal with our own situations and risks. The Zooier Than Thou podcast had an episode that covers a lot of this and may be of help.

It's hard being "queer" and feeling like a lone weirdo, but the current view in psychology seems to be that if you aren't harming the animal, the animal isn't harming you, and the attraction isn't causing you problems(*), it's a non-issue. (*) It seems like you're having problems dealing with it, but this is pretty common.

I can relate a bit to the feelings. I struggled with it a fair bit when I was younger. Eventually I came to understand that I just don't have sexual desire for humans and that so long as my partner and I share mutually pleasurable experiences, I'm not doing anything ethically wrong. While I agree that life would be easier if I were magically turned into a typial heterosexual, I am not and I have to live the life I have.

What is there to feel bad about if you and an adult partner(s), none of you forced or harmed, share a mutually pleasurable experience?

 

[gsdmixg]

I agree with @egoldstein , the best thing you can do for yourself is probably to see a therapist. I'm still testing the waters with my own therapist on the topic but they've made it very clear to me that it's completely safe to divulge an attraction. Actions may be a little more gray, but there's certainly nothing explicit that would require or allow them to report anything related to zoophilia as long as no abuse (physical or otherwise) is involved. Also, being able to unload all of your emotions surrounding your sexuality can still be beneficial without having to explicitly state what it is. It certainly helped me feel much better to talk about it.

While I no longer have that kind of guilt and shame about my zoophilia, I understand all those feelings you've described. Fear of being outed, wishing/trying to make it go away and wanting to be "normal", fear of having one's life ruined. I went through all of those to the extreme when I was a bit younger. Funny enough, the one thing that really pushed me towards losing those feelings and led to me accepting myself was finding this forum and talking to people, so I'd encourage you to linger and spend some time reading, it might help you. And if you want to chat I'm always open once you have enough messages to DM.

 

[originalnamehere]

If you're hating yourself for something you can't change then I'd see a therapist or other professional. Make sure they're not going to be judgemental either, you don't need more of that than you already give yourself.
Learning to accept yourself for yourself is often a long and hard process when the outside world tells us to conform or else at every turn.
There's nothing wrong with you, being different is not wrong.

 

[Bloit]

my sex life (pet-play)

Well at least I can help you there, petplay in and of itself has jack shit to do with zoophilia.
Petplay is a power dynamic, it's about letting go of responsibilities, about care for each other, and so much more.

Even if there's animal-dick shaped dildo's involved, it's just... roleplay and sex.

I mean, unless you're involving an actual animal, petplay is pretty darn innocent.

And if you're actually thinking you're an actual animal during petplay, (and I'm not talking being "in the zone", but further than that), then you ought to talk to a professional.

 

[ikanon]

We do not know about your age, but at a certain state in a human's life it is not uncommon to want to check things out. You wrote that you always was an animal person. Not all animal persons are zoopiles. You could give it some time and hope to settle for some other form of relationship you are more comfortable with. When I was at that state in my life I assumed that I was homosexual, I mean if you arent into girls, your gay right? That did not work for me,
On the other hand if you know that other tyes of relations will not work, be careful not to try to bend yourself in a direction that will not work. I have seen a good friend break when his family tried to "straighten him out" from homosexal tendencies. He could not make it work with women, and in his frustration a woman became his victim. He is now "doing time". A lot of time. The life of his victim were destroyed, as well as his own.
Your idea of animals can't consent is only partly true. Many ignore possible signs of discomfort from an animal in sake of their own sarisfacion or getting that video in the box. But with good animal knowledge it is possible to learn how to read an animal's expression and respect what you see. A person like you would be able to control yourself and refrain from something if consent is not there from the animal. You have already displayed a lot of self control.
The best balance in your life would be living your life as the person you are. That was what worked for me, after a not so happy first part of my life. At least I managed it to whre I am now without causing any victms, but close to becoming one myself.
I just came to think about Michael Jackson. He wanted to be everything he was not - visually. And could afford the surgeons. But at some time his body packed up.

You only have one life. This one. Do not allow the expectations of others to ruin you. If you friends or family can not accept you as you are without having to transform you to something you are not, leave them alone.

You want to be normal. Be like all the others. But if the price for being like that, is a miserable life? You do not have to tell about your sexual orientation, in fact I'd recommend not to do so. I just recommend you to accept life as it is, and live a life that can make you happy.

Where I worked many years ago, there was a photocopier. A huge thing, but it made miserable copies. Someone had put a sign on the wall next to the copier: "A good original is still better than a bad copy"

That is the life that I came to be happy about. Being a good original, rather than a bad copy. I do not live like a hermit in the middle of nowhere. Nobody would think I am a zoo. In fact I have learned not to care about what others might think. But i have noticed that people around here do not call their children (or dogs..) away when I am around, and do not hurry away themselves either. So I should not worry about what they might think about me. You should not worry about that either. It is very easy to end up with thoughts or fears about everyone considering yourself an abnormal paria.

 

[Blue Sky; Long Gone]

Thank you all for the responses! I wasn't expecting to get many replies here — and I wasn't expecting any genuinely helpful replies either.

.


I personally would advise you to see a therapist, it's important to ask leading questions to help you understand things like what is mandatory reporting and the like so you know what you can and can't share. I found it handy myself many years ago, but we each deal with our own situations and risks. The Zooier Than Thou podcast had an episode that covers a lot of this and may be of help.

Thank you! I'll take a listen to the podcast when I can. However, a therapist is unfortunately out of the question. Even if I could afford one, this isn't a topic I'm comfortable discussing with anyone in the real world right now. The therapists and counselors in my area also just aren't very good from my personal experience.

@gsdmixg I've been lurking here for a few days, and I've felt somewhat better about this whole thing reading people's experiences and stuff — but part of my hesitation with discussing zoophilia is I'm afraid of being "led astray", so to speak? This forum is dedicated to zoophilia, so you're obviously not going to find many dissenting opinions or anything, and I don't know... I'm afraid of falling into an echochamber honestly. I might stick around, we'll see.

Well at least I can help you there, petplay in and of itself has jack shit to do with zoophilia.
Petplay is a power dynamic, it's about letting go of responsibilities, about care for each other, and so much more.

Even if there's animal-dick shaped dildo's involved, it's just... roleplay and sex.

I mean, unless you're involving an actual animal, petplay is pretty darn innocent.

And if you're actually thinking you're an actual animal during petplay, (and I'm not talking being "in the zone", but further than that), then you ought to talk to a professional.

I'm well aware that pet-play and zoophilia are about ae related as being into master/slave dynamics and actually wanting to own slaves — which is to say; they are completely unrelated, but there can be some overlap.

I mentioned pet-play specifically because I  know there's overlap between the two for me. I don't imagine that my partner is actually an animal during sex, nor do I imagine myself as one (I'm a Dom anyways so I play the role of the master.) However, if I wasn't a zoophile I know I probably wouldn't be as into pet-play as I am. I'd definitely still be into it, because everything about seeing my partners act like animals, and training them, and having them wear goofy accessories just drives me mad in a good way.

We do not know about your age, but at a certain state in a human's life it is not uncommon to want to check things out. You wrote that you always was an animal person. Not all animal persons are zoopiles. You could give it some time and hope to settle for some other form of relationship you are more comfortable with. When I was at that state in my life I assumed that I was homosexual, I mean if you arent into girls, your gay right? That did not work for me,
On the other hand if you know that other tyes of relations will not work, be careful not to try to bend yourself in a direction that will not work. I have seen a good friend break when his family tried to "straighten him out" from homosexal tendencies. He could not make it work with women, and in his frustration a woman became his victim. He is now "doing time". A lot of time. The life of his victim were destroyed, as well as his own.
Your idea of animals can't consent is only partly true. Many ignore possible signs of discomfort from an animal in sake of their own sarisfacion or getting that video in the box. But with good animal knowledge it is possible to learn how to read an animal's expression and respect what you see. A person like you would be able to control yourself and refrain from something if consent is not there from the animal. You have already displayed a lot of self control.
The best balance in your life would be living your life as the person you are. That was what worked for me, after a not so happy first part of my life. At least I managed it to whre I am now without causing any victms, but close to becoming one myself.
I just came to think about Michael Jackson. He wanted to be everything he was not - visually. And could afford the surgeons. But at some time his body packed up.

You only have one life. This one. Do not allow the expectations of others to ruin you. If you friends or family can not accept you as you are without having to transform you to something you are not, leave them alone.

You want to be normal. Be like all the others. But if the price for being like that, is a miserable life? You do not have to tell about your sexual orientation, in fact I'd recommend not to do so. I just recommend you to accept life as it is, and live a life that can make you happy.

Where I worked many years ago, there was a photocopier. A huge thing, but it made miserable copies. Someone had put a sign on the wall next to the copier: "A good original is still better than a bad copy"

That is the life that I came to be happy about. Being a good original, rather than a bad copy. I do not live like a hermit in the middle of nowhere. Nobody would think I am a zoo. In fact I have learned not to care about what others might think. But i have noticed that people around here do not call their children (or dogs..) away when I am around, and do not hurry away themselves either. So I should not worry about what they might think about me. You should not worry about that either. It is very easy to end up with thoughts or fears about everyone considering yourself an abnormal paria.

I'm not going to divulge any personal information except that I'm old enough to have my personal identity figured out but not old enough to have come to terms with being a zoophile, and that I'm queer in a pretty rough area.

A lot of what you've said is really helpful, and I'll definitely take it into consideration. I don't feel romantic attraction to animals, and I'm very open about being queer; forcing myself into a relationship where I won't be comfortable or 'myself' isn't going to be a problem, nor is it currently. But as you said "A good original is better than a bad copy", so I won't let these feelings define me. Thank you.

 

[K_9River_rat]

I don't know how to feel about zoophilia. I stand pretty firmly in the "animals can't consent" camp,

I totally feel you and went through much of what you described.

I highlighted and replied to that little bit, not to debate you or anything like that, but to share my experiences.

I felt the same way about the consent thing.. Right up until my dog taught me otherwise by instigating after never having any kind of sexual interaction with a human.

That just got me paying more attention to their behavior and communications with those of their own species, as well as us humans.

They are much more intelligent than most people give them credit for, and with the more intelligent breeds, I'm not sure how far that goes, but I can assure you it goes way further than I have ever seen anyone claim.

The dog I'm talking about was a German shepherd, husky, wolf mix that we got as a puppy.

Shorty after getting him, my then wife started having some pretty serious medical problems that caused me to have to stay at home.

As a result of this, I got to spending a lot of time with this dog, and sometimes just absent-mindedly talking to him.

Long story short, I caught on to how smart he was and actually started making efforts to see how much he could learn.

I treated him like a human child more than a dog, and encouraged his own natural curiosity.

I mimicked his own body language and watched his responses and started learning it, which by the way, is very similar to a child's body language.

I kept talking to him as if he understood while also using body language.

Little did I know he was actually picking up plain English.

I never trained him in any conventional fashion. Never taught him to sit, shake, or any of the usual stuff, but one day he was being kinda hyper and I asked him "could you please just sit down?"... Without missing a beat, his ass hit the floor.. surprised the shit out of me.. so I went through the usual "lay down", "shake" and all of that.. he got every single one.. I could even word it differently, and he got it..

I also tried to respect him and his wishes, allowing him to say "no" without repercussions. So he could and would say "no" if he wanted..

I could go on and on about this, but give yourself a break and don't be hard on yourself because you're afraid that you'd be taking advantage of them. You aren't if you respect them, and it sounds like you do. There's a reason they are attracted to you and you to them, and it's something very natural and in my opinion, something to be proud of.. Not many people can connect with them on that level.

They sense what you're about...

 

[gsdmixg]

I've been lurking here for a few days, and I've felt somewhat better about this whole thing reading people's experiences and stuff — but part of my hesitation with discussing zoophilia is I'm afraid of being "led astray", so to speak? This forum is dedicated to zoophilia, so you're obviously not going to find many dissenting opinions or anything, and I don't know... I'm afraid of falling into an echochamber honestly. I might stick around, we'll see.

At the risk of making incorrect assumptions, is it possible you're simply afraid of accepting your zoophilia? The way you describe being "led astray" implies (at least to me) you may see that as a very possible outcome and you don't like that. It's also worth mentioning that you (and me, and everyone else here) already live in an echo chamber every day of thinking that sexual contact with animals is inherently harmful. In fact, this is one of the few environments where you can expect to hear anything other than that, which is why it helps so many people.

Perhaps you're already inclined towards acceptance, but it's the lack of exposure to a positive perspective - and constant exposure to a negative perspective - of zoophilia that's holding you back? Again, I don't want to make assumptions and I hope this doesn't come off as rude or critical, this is just my personal observation.

Also, to speak on the pet-play thing, I'm no professional but that sounds vaguely like some sort of sublimation to me; placing zoophilic thoughts into an acceptable kink/fetish. Just putting that thought out there. Nothing wrong with pet-play regardless of the reason for it of course.

 

[gsdmixg]

I just came to think about Michael Jackson. He wanted to be everything he was not - visually. And could afford the surgeons. But at some time his body packed up.

I'm going off-topic here, but it's always struck me as so tragic what happened to Michael Jackson. I often wonder how well he might've flourished if he lived in an environment where he wasn't so afraid of how his vitiligo would be perceived.

 

[Old Zoo]

Hey all. I'm writing this just to vent and maybe hear feedback and thoughts. Don't reply if you don't have anything constructive to say. This isn't a hate post and I'm not trying to start an argument.



For basically my entire life, I've always been an animal person — whenever I'm hanging with friends, I always wind up with their pets crawling all over me, wild animals aren't as scared around me as they are around other people, and I can't help but find myself empathizing with animals more strongly with people.

But I'm also a zoophile and I fucking hate it. I first got the urges when I started puberty, and I started trying to engage my dog in sexual activities. I didn't really understand what I was doing; I was very hypersexual even before puberty but I had no concept of sexual morality or consent and the like, and "taboo" was completely foreign to me. I wish I knew, so I could've stopped — but I enjoyed it, and I know that nothing would've changed even if I knew. I still regularly watch zoo porn despite hating that I'm a zoo, it's just an unfortunate part of me.

I don't know how to feel about zoophilia. I stand pretty firmly in the "animals can't consent" camp, but I feel like a complete and total hypocrite any time the topic comes up (which is rare). I don't have any dislike or contempt for zoophiles, and I don't inherently hate zoophilia itself — but I struggle with so much internal conflict about it. I don't want to get into the morality of beastiality; zoophilia is a very nuanced topic and I'm not here to debate or argue.

But zoophilia is rotting from me inside and I need to know how to fucking deal with this shit. It keeps seeping into everything in my life: my porn consumption, my sex life (pet-play), my mental health, and even my writing??? I just want it to go away so I can feel normal. I hate harbouring this dark nightmare in my head — it is a scourge upon my life and a parasite that I'm afraid will destroy me in the future. My biggest fear currently is meeting another zoo or having a friend or partner come out as one — because I know I'm terrified of what might come from that.

I know this is all shit I should be telling a therapist, but I  CANNOT have anyone irl know about this — even if they're bound by strict client confidentiality. I'm terrified of the consequences of anyone finding out. I don't want my friends or my family to know and see me like some sort of monster, and I don't want to have my future ruined before I even finish college.

Please, I need guidance. How do I deal with this? I need to know how I can deal with this in a healthy and responsible manner. I don't even know where to begin.

Thanks in advance and sorry if I posted in the wrong topic or whatever — I'm new to this forum.

Also I'd like to clarify that I don't think zoophiles are bad people or immoral or anything. I hate that I'm a zoophile while not hating that zoophiles exist.

I will only advise you on two things I feel I have certainty about: First, if your self hatred is based on religion then you are stuck between finding your religious beliefs were based on a myth, or that you are inherently flawed. I decided on the myth side long, long ago, but you decide. If you decide you are flawed, then you ought to seek professional help.

Secondly, the whole consent argument is irrational nonsense. If you have many experiences, as I have, you will find animals who don't consent. I chose to keep my commitment to them as their guardian, but I do have them, and I still love and care for them. There are also some who go beyond consent and revel in your advances, and they let you know. They will even try to seduce you into sex. Animals are no different than humans in that regard. Consent is frequently and more commonly expressed by nonverbal communications, even among humans. So the idea that a lack of speech is a lack of ability to consent, is nonsense. It only sounds reasonable before you test it.

Bare in mind that the same people who admonish us about the consent nonsense, also often sit down to the table at night and eat the flesh of animals who did not consent to being slaughtered. Learn to think rationally. Imagine tests to prove or disprove things you are told and/or believe, then apply them to real or imagined experiences. Einstein called these "thought experiments."

You cannot think rationally if you try to incorporate the opinions of society into your judgement without first critically evaluating their basis. An easy way to think about consent, for example, is to imagine yourself an animal and ask if you would rather have a gentle person try to seduce you to participate in sex, or an assembly line worker to fire a steel bolt into your brain and rip your body apart?

 

[OnlyPaws]

I admire your willingness to open up about this dilemma. Identity and self-esteem are so important, and it takes hard work to build and maintain.
I feel that its the responsibility of every true zoo to have an internal dialog on the ethics of interspecies relationships. And to really chew the cud on how their expression of their sexuality is projected onto their partners. A real zoo would never want to cause their partner discomfort, force them into non-consential interactions. If anything, I feel that exploring the identity of being a zoophile should in fact help us develop stronger ethics and behaviors towards the welfare of animals.

Perhaps you are early in your explorations, and I hope you can find some solace in your journey. But never feel ashamed of yourself for being a zoo, you've got the capacity to be a wonderful, caring partner to an animal that will appreciate every bit of love you grace it with. And that's such a special gift <3

 

[egoldstein]

I don't know how to feel about zoophilia. I stand pretty firmly in the "animals can't consent" camp, but I feel like a complete and total hypocrite any time the topic comes up (which is rare).

Not sure how I missed this the first time. What specifically do you feel other animals can't consent to? Do you mean informed consent? Where they fully understand all of the possible outcomes? If so, I think you'll find it hard to apply that to a lot of human relationships without complications. If however, you mean consent as in them agreeing to engage in sexual activity, often eagerly, I think all one needs to do is observe animals for any real length of time and you'll see that they do indeed have that capacity.

I find it handy when trying to talk about consent is to imagine two humans who don't share a language with each other, or with you, perhaps because they cannot speak or hear; then apply the same rules to them and see if suddenly one's idea of consent still holds up.

Another question about consent, do you ask them for consent to pet them? To take them to the vet? To house them, leash them, train them? If not, why not?

 

[biburghboy]

I know this is all shit I should be telling a therapist, but I  CANNOT have anyone irl know about this — even if they're bound by strict client confidentiality. I'm terrified of the consequences of anyone finding out.

Therapy was the thought going through my mind as well. I understand your concerns completely. Therapy is a scary thing for some people, and it was for me as well. However, as you said, they are bound by very strict confidentiality laws. The only time that they have to breach that is if they think you're a direct and immediate danger to yourself or others - so, if you're acutely suicidal or homicidal. Otherwise, they have no reason to, nor legally can they, discuss it with anyone else.

You might want to look into online therapy, maybe. That way you're not getting someone from your area, which would even further lessen the potential of anything getting out, which I really don't think it would. Again though, I totally understand the concern you have.

If you do decide to go the route of therapy, don't get discouraged if you don't feel like you're making any progress with your therapist. It might just be that you don't connect with them very well. Connecting with your therapist is CRUCIAL. Once I found one that I could actually connect with and be understood by, I made a lot of progress. When I switched to a different one, I didn't really get anywhere.

I wish you the best though, and hope you can figure out what works best for you.

 

[Jmmp2803]

I get it, I sometimes wish I could just be normal too

 

[Blue Sky; Long Gone]

I will only advise you on two things I feel I have certainty about: First, if your self hatred is based on religion then you are stuck between finding your religious beliefs were based on a myth, or that you are inherently flawed. I decided on the myth side long, long ago, but you decide. If you decide you are flawed, then you ought to seek professional help.

I'm not religious and I've never been religious. I was raised Protestant but I never really believed, and when I was around 13 or 14 something clicked and I knew it was all bs. I never had a Reddit atheist phase but as soon as I got out, my life improved tenfold almost immediately.

Not sure how I missed this the first time. What specifically do you feel other animals can't consent to? Do you mean informed consent? Where they fully understand all of the possible outcomes? If so, I think you'll find it hard to apply that to a lot of human relationships without complications. If however, you mean consent as in them agreeing to engage in sexual activity, often eagerly, I think all one needs to do is observe animals for any real length of time and you'll see that they do indeed have that capacity.

I find it handy when trying to talk about consent is to imagine two humans who don't share a language with each other, or with you, perhaps because they cannot speak or hear; then apply the same rules to them and see if suddenly one's idea of consent still holds up.

Another question about consent, do you ask them for consent to pet them? To take them to the vet? To house them, leash them, train them? If not, why not?

Consent is a very nuanced thing and there's a lot of things that rubs me wrong with trying to get consent from animals. For me, it feels like there's a lot of overlap in the reasons that I feel animals can't consent and why children can't consent (I'm not conflating or relating zoophilia to pedophilia by the way). For one, there is almost always a very heavy power-dynamic at play. You feed them, house them, clean up after them, etc. and all of that, and personally I think quid pro quo is a very, very shakey foundation for any kind of consent to be established (especially when one party can't communicate on the same level as the other). There is also the matter of being two different species — of course animals can be very intelligent but we are very different biologically. Our minds work in very different ways, because we evolved in very different ways to fill very different social niches. The ways we socialize and communicate are very different, and the reasons we have sex tend to also be very different. Animals can enjoy sex with humans, initiate it, all of that — but I'm hesitant to say that they might be able to give any kind of consent on the level that a human could give to another human.

There's just so much to the topic to explore — and especially for me, because I value consent very, very heavily. Even with my sexual partners who aren't kinky, I've established safewords and set very clear boundaries on what we're both okay with — and that's absolutely something that would be a very big struggle to establish with anything but another adult human

 

[dobnut]

Hey all. I'm writing this just to vent and maybe hear feedback and thoughts. Don't reply if you don't have anything constructive to say. This isn't a hate post and I'm not trying to start an argument.



For basically my entire life, I've always been an animal person — whenever I'm hanging with friends, I always wind up with their pets crawling all over me, wild animals aren't as scared around me as they are around other people, and I can't help but find myself empathizing with animals more strongly with people.

But I'm also a zoophile and I fucking hate it. I first got the urges when I started puberty, and I started trying to engage my dog in sexual activities. I didn't really understand what I was doing; I was very hypersexual even before puberty but I had no concept of sexual morality or consent and the like, and "taboo" was completely foreign to me. I wish I knew, so I could've stopped — but I enjoyed it, and I know that nothing would've changed even if I knew. I still regularly watch zoo porn despite hating that I'm a zoo, it's just an unfortunate part of me.

I don't know how to feel about zoophilia. I stand pretty firmly in the "animals can't consent" camp, but I feel like a complete and total hypocrite any time the topic comes up (which is rare). I don't have any dislike or contempt for zoophiles, and I don't inherently hate zoophilia itself — but I struggle with so much internal conflict about it. I don't want to get into the morality of beastiality; zoophilia is a very nuanced topic and I'm not here to debate or argue.

But zoophilia is rotting from me inside and I need to know how to fucking deal with this shit. It keeps seeping into everything in my life: my porn consumption, my sex life (pet-play), my mental health, and even my writing??? I just want it to go away so I can feel normal. I hate harbouring this dark nightmare in my head — it is a scourge upon my life and a parasite that I'm afraid will destroy me in the future. My biggest fear currently is meeting another zoo or having a friend or partner come out as one — because I know I'm terrified of what might come from that.

I know this is all shit I should be telling a therapist, but I  CANNOT have anyone irl know about this — even if they're bound by strict client confidentiality. I'm terrified of the consequences of anyone finding out. I don't want my friends or my family to know and see me like some sort of monster, and I don't want to have my future ruined before I even finish college.

Please, I need guidance. How do I deal with this? I need to know how I can deal with this in a healthy and responsible manner. I don't even know where to begin.

Thanks in advance and sorry if I posted in the wrong topic or whatever — I'm new to this forum.

Also I'd like to clarify that I don't think zoophiles are bad people or immoral or anything. I hate that I'm a zoophile while not hating that zoophiles exist.

You need to accept these curiosities as part of who you are as a person, many of us have dark harboured fetishes and desires which conflict with our own moral compass or perceived standing, it confuses us and makes us feel like shit, but with time you can learn to accept your desires as just that, desires, whether you act on it or not is not an issue as if you are truly enjoying something and no one else is getting hurt, what's the point in worrying about the morality of it or second guessing your own stance on the topic? Over thinking is what plagues the contemporary human mind, learn to be mindful of your own thoughts and accept who you are, you won't be perfect, you may not even be a "good" person even if you want to be, but there is no sense in torturing yourself over it, just remember aspects like this are only a small fascet of your being, you are much more than just a closet zoophile.

 

[Blue Sky; Long Gone]

You need to accept these curiosities as part of who you are as a person, many of us have dark harboured fetishes and desires which conflict with our own moral compass or perceived standing, it confuses us and makes us feel like shit, but with time you can learn to accept your desires as just that, desires, whether you act on it or not is not an issue as if you are truly enjoying something and no one else is getting hurt, what's the point in worrying about the morality of it or second guessing your own stance on the topic? Over thinking is what plagues the contemporary human mind, learn to be mindful of your own thoughts and accept who you are, you won't be perfect, you may not even be a "good" person even if you want to be, but there is no sense in torturing yourself over it, just remember aspects like this are only a small fascet of your being, you are much more than just a closet zoophile.

Thank you for this — I wish advice like this was more commonly shared.

If someone had given me this advice just a few years ago when I was  really struggling with who I was... I don't know what would've happened, but I know it probably would've saved me a fair amount of grief. I had to discover how to accept myself as just who I am last year, after I escaped an abusive relationship. But I still struggle with accepting myself sometimes, particularly with zoophilia. I feel as though myself being a good person and also being a zoophile are mutually-exclusive; even though I  know good people who are zoophiles, and I know that a single blemish on your mind doesn't equal the sum of every good action you've tried to take.

I've been coming more to terms with this over the last few days though.

 

[marlon]

Hey all. I'm writing this just to vent and maybe hear feedback and thoughts. Don't reply if you don't have anything constructive to say. This isn't a hate post and I'm not trying to start an argument.



For basically my entire life, I've always been an animal person — whenever I'm hanging with friends, I always wind up with their pets crawling all over me, wild animals aren't as scared around me as they are around other people, and I can't help but find myself empathizing with animals more strongly with people.

But I'm also a zoophile and I fucking hate it. I first got the urges when I started puberty, and I started trying to engage my dog in sexual activities. I didn't really understand what I was doing; I was very hypersexual even before puberty but I had no concept of sexual morality or consent and the like, and "taboo" was completely foreign to me. I wish I knew, so I could've stopped — but I enjoyed it, and I know that nothing would've changed even if I knew. I still regularly watch zoo porn despite hating that I'm a zoo, it's just an unfortunate part of me.

I don't know how to feel about zoophilia. I stand pretty firmly in the "animals can't consent" camp, but I feel like a complete and total hypocrite any time the topic comes up (which is rare). I don't have any dislike or contempt for zoophiles, and I don't inherently hate zoophilia itself — but I struggle with so much internal conflict about it. I don't want to get into the morality of beastiality; zoophilia is a very nuanced topic and I'm not here to debate or argue.

But zoophilia is rotting from me inside and I need to know how to fucking deal with this shit. It keeps seeping into everything in my life: my porn consumption, my sex life (pet-play), my mental health, and even my writing??? I just want it to go away so I can feel normal. I hate harbouring this dark nightmare in my head — it is a scourge upon my life and a parasite that I'm afraid will destroy me in the future. My biggest fear currently is meeting another zoo or having a friend or partner come out as one — because I know I'm terrified of what might come from that.

I know this is all shit I should be telling a therapist, but I  CANNOT have anyone irl know about this — even if they're bound by strict client confidentiality. I'm terrified of the consequences of anyone finding out. I don't want my friends or my family to know and see me like some sort of monster, and I don't want to have my future ruined before I even finish college.

Please, I need guidance. How do I deal with this? I need to know how I can deal with this in a healthy and responsible manner. I don't even know where to begin.

Thanks in advance and sorry if I posted in the wrong topic or whatever — I'm new to this forum.

Also I'd like to clarify that I don't think zoophiles are bad people or immoral or anything. I hate that I'm a zoophile while not hating that zoophiles exist.

 

[marlon]

SO IT IS YOUR NATURE AND ACCEPT IT, OTHERWISE YOU WILL STILL FACE THIS PROBLEM OF YOUR OPINION - DON'T APPROACH IT AS WHAT YOU WANT, WHICH DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU WOULD ALSO HAVE HEATER RELATIONSHIPS, IT'S BEST TO CONNECT WITH A IMŚ WHO WANTS A HUMAN AND ANIMAL PARTNER

 

[egoldstein]

Consent is a very nuanced thing and there's a lot of things that rubs me wrong with trying to get consent from animals. For me, it feels like there's a lot of overlap in the reasons that I feel animals can't consent and why children can't consent (I'm not conflating or relating zoophilia to pedophilia by the way). For one, there is almost always a very heavy power-dynamic at play. You feed them, house them, clean up after them, etc. and all of that, and personally I think quid pro quo is a very, very shakey foundation for any kind of consent to be established (especially when one party can't communicate on the same level as the other).

Do you have these objections in lifestock being slaughtered? Dogs trained to do service work? What about taking Fido to the vet when they clearly do not want that? How about merely petting a dog? Why is this level on consent only necessary where sex is involved, but all of the other interactions don't ever seem to require consent?

I agree that a relationship based on quid pro quo isn't great, but it's not like that's all there is. I have dogs with whom I am sexually active because they have shown themselves to be interested in sharing that experience with me. I also have dogs with whom I am not active, because they've indicated they're not interested in that. It would be wrong to push the issue with the ones that are not interested, but what is the dilemma with those that are actively soliciting? I'm not suggesting you need to explain why you personally don't feel comfortOr iable with having sexual relations with a non-human, you don't need to offer any explanation for that, but why you have this unbalanced idea of consent that you don't only apply for things you don't like and seem to be happy to ignore it for non-sexual stuff.

There is also the matter of being two different species — of course animals can be very intelligent but we are very different biologically. Our minds work in very different ways, because we evolved in very different ways to fill very different social niches. The ways we socialize and communicate are very different, and the reasons we have sex tend to also be very different. Animals can enjoy sex with humans, initiate it, all of that — but I'm hesitant to say that they might be able to give any kind of consent on the level that a human could give to another human.

Exactly what kind of consent do you think happens in most human sexual interactions? I can point you to a great many people who were lost in their hormones and ended up with a kid they didn't want because they were incapable of restraining themselves.
It is absolutely possible to rape a non-human, same as it's possible to rape a human, but that doesn't mean all of those interactions are rape. It is the details and context of the particular situaton that matters in both cases, is it not?

There's just so much to the topic to explore — and especially for me, because I value consent very, very heavily. Even with my sexual partners who aren't kinky, I've established safewords and set very clear boundaries on what we're both okay with — and that's absolutely something that would be a very big struggle to establish with anything but another adult human

I don't find it at all difficult. One needs to have some understanding of the species involved if you want to succeed, but it's not like communicating sexual desire is difficult. A dog grabs your leg and if interested, you reposition yourself for a more mutually enjoyable experience. A bitch flags and teases, lifts her tail to expose her vulva, at any time if you do something she doesn't want she will cease being cooperative. It's not like with either a human or non-human partner that once things start they can't change their minds, they can and do revoke consent when they reach a point that they are uncomfortable and proceeding when that consent has been revoked is rape, doesn't matter if it's human or not. If one has an engaged partner they are actively involved at every point.

 

[Constantine999]

This may have already been suggested, but it is my understanding that many of the therapy apps allow you to remain anonymous. I'm not sure if that applies to all of them, but I'm sure you can find out up front. I also don't know how good these apps are or the therapists they employ. Regardless whether it's in person or on an app I think talking to someone who's a professional would help. Hating yourself, regardless of the reason, never turns out well in the end without help.
I wish you the best!

 

[Old Zoo]

I'm not religious and I've never been religious. I was raised Protestant but I never really believed, and when I was around 13 or 14 something clicked and I knew it was all bs. I never had a Reddit atheist phase but as soon as I got out, my life improved tenfold almost immediately.

Funny, "clicked" describes exactly what happened to me.

Consent is a very nuanced thing and there's a lot of things that rubs me wrong with trying to get consent from animals. For me, it feels like there's a lot of overlap in the reasons that I feel animals can't consent and why children can't consent (I'm not conflating or relating zoophilia to pedophilia by the way). For one, there is almost always a very heavy power-dynamic at play. You feed them, house them, clean up after them, etc. and all of that, and personally I think quid pro quo is a very, very shakey foundation for any kind of consent to be established (especially when one party can't communicate on the same level as the other). There is also the matter of being two different species — of course animals can be very intelligent but we are very different biologically. Our minds work in very different ways, because we evolved in very different ways to fill very different social niches. The ways we socialize and communicate are very different, and the reasons we have sex tend to also be very different. Animals can enjoy sex with humans, initiate it, all of that — but I'm hesitant to say that they might be able to give any kind of consent on the level that a human could give to another human.

You make a valid point about the power dynamic, but that is the whole mechanism used with agricultural animals and even to a lesser extent our pets. We humans take that far beyond our possible sexual interactions with animals. For livestock, their whole existence is at our whim and for our purposes. My little lamb would have been slaughtered at 3 months of age if her mother had not died and left her to be bottle raised. Nobody gave her a "safe word". If you eat meat, or wear leather, then I invite you to think about the power dynamic you are complicit with.

As to your point about how different our forms of communication and our sex lives are from animals, that is precisely the thrill of mating with them. To misquote Forest Gump, "Zoophilia is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get." We find we have an act that we both enjoy and we learn better how to bridge our communications gap. I raised my alpha mare from a tiny orphan. When she came into her first heat, I offered to mount her and she timidly allowed me. Now, every single time I go to the barn, she intercepts me and parks out in front of me in an obvious invitation to have some fun. My lamb, on the other hand has yet to accept my advances though she follows me everywhere and jumps with joy when I call her.

In fact, one of the wonderful things about a zoo relationship is that it does NOT involve all this kind of rationalizing. The train of thought is more along the line "damn that feels good, do it some more." In fact, evolution has given us sex to assure we reproduce. That this gift can give us great pleasures all our lives is Fantastic thing.

 

[K_9River_rat]

I'm not religious and I've never been religious. I was raised Protestant but I never really believed, and when I was around 13 or 14 something clicked and I knew it was all bs. I never had a Reddit atheist phase but as soon as I got out, my life improved tenfold almost immediately.


Consent is a very nuanced thing and there's a lot of things that rubs me wrong with trying to get consent from animals. For me, it feels like there's a lot of overlap in the reasons that I feel animals can't consent and why children can't consent (I'm not conflating or relating zoophilia to pedophilia by the way). For one, there is almost always a very heavy power-dynamic at play. You feed them, house them, clean up after them, etc. and all of that, and personally I think quid pro quo is a very, very shakey foundation for any kind of consent to be established (especially when one party can't communicate on the same level as the other). There is also the matter of being two different species — of course animals can be very intelligent but we are very different biologically. Our minds work in very different ways, because we evolved in very different ways to fill very different social niches. The ways we socialize and communicate are very different, and the reasons we have sex tend to also be very different. Animals can enjoy sex with humans, initiate it, all of that — but I'm hesitant to say that they might be able to give any kind of consent on the level that a human could give to another human.

There's just so much to the topic to explore — and especially for me, because I value consent very, very heavily. Even with my sexual partners who aren't kinky, I've established safewords and set very clear boundaries on what we're both okay with — and that's absolutely something that would be a very big struggle to establish with anything but another adult human

This all changed for me when I realized that you can have a relationship with an animal without the power dynamic.

Which obviously people with "pets" don't have.

Granted, don't be expecting them to do calculus, but they are very much able to make their own choices.

It comes down to developing a relationship with them in which they know their choices are respected so they can feel comfortable making choices that may go against what you may want without repercussions.

 

[OnlyPaws]

Just a heads up. Laws differ from place to place, but therapists are often expected to report certain information (abuse, threats of terrorism/potential danger to client or others). So the assumption that you can tell your therapist anything isn't a safe one to make. If it's something you feel you need to discuss, be sure to exclude any incriminating details that may potentially be used to incite an investigation.