Human contact
- Thread starter Nosense
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TanLook917
Tourist
Well think of this forum as a nudist colony. All you have to do is point at something you like and say: “Can I have sex with that?” And the answer might be yes.
That's how I view the world lmao but am I a minority in that? Like the sexual tension between me and everything else that moves is intense, animals definitely pick up on it and I've got no issues there but humans stump me. Do I just ask people irl or am I in a fantasy world where I'm more likely to get disgusted looks or worse??? I really don't know where to start with them, like I'm level 0.
TanLook917
Tourist
Where the fuck is this tree at?
At the hypothetical park ?️??️
dartel
Prized Citizen of ZV
As an asexual/demisexual: You'd be insulted 6 ways from Sunday, told to go fuck yourself, and possibly have the police called on you for sexual harassment.
SigmaTheZeta
Esteemed Citizen of ZV
I have a pet hypothesis, as yet without anything except anecdotal support.
I think it is possible that some zoos become zoos because of a phenomenon that I will call "kin-group misidentification." To explain this, I first have to explain what I mean by kin-group.
Your kin-group constitutes living things in your life that you treat like your own kind. You instinctively see members of your own kin-group as more diverse and as having more complex behaviors than people outside your kin-group. You tend to dementalize people that are outside your own kin-group.
To dementalize refers to "denial of mind," which can happen in two ways. Firstly, dementalization can occur based on the denial of the complexity of someone's experience. Secondly, dementalization can occur based on the denial of the intensity of someone's experience. For example, a privileged member of Victorian Era aristocracy might praise commoners for being hardworking, but they will probably also insist that commoners have simpler jobs than aristocracy, which is not always true. On the other hand, the commoner might look back at the aristocracy and, while acknowledging that aristocracy must need to be very educated to do their jobs, assume that aristocrats also are lazy, tend to devote ample time to leisure, and have very little stress in their lives, which is not always true. Someone could engage in both forms of dementalization, which is how we treat criminals, animals we consume as meat (pigs or chickens, for instance), members of gangs, mice that invade our homes, and other groups of people or animals that we see as not having any particular reason to remain alive.
Because we dementalize these non-kin groups, it is easier for us to treat them badly without feeling very guilty about it. The aristocrat finds it easy to treat the commoner the same way as they would treat an eight year old child with a learning disability. The commoner finds it easy to regard the aristocrat as a heartless, calculating, ruthless monster, except when being given money or charity by that aristocrat.Both of them are very happy to deal out excessive punishments to people whom they perceive as criminals, even if those punishments are really disproportionate and not really all that likely to change people's behavior. Both of them make it easier for themselves to engage in bad behavior without feeling all that terrible for having done so.
Dementalizing others does not really help us in the long-run, for because we tend to have a distorted idea of how their minds actually work, we tend to fail miserably at understanding or predicting their behavior. In fact, two different people that do not see each other as being in their kin-group might superficially appear to be autistic when they are dealing with each other, even though they function very normally within their own kin-group.
Therefore, I think that some...but not all...zoophiles might have somehow identified the animals they are attracted to as their kin-group, and they therefore find it hard to see humans in the same way as they would see someone that is within their kin-group.
This might be blunting our social skills so badly that we appear superficially to have autism.
If I am right, then I can propose a remedy, and I am going to base it on the same techniques that animal rights advocates use to get people to care about animal rights.
Start with any person that accepts that you are a zoophile, whether or not that person is a zoophile. Observe that person's behavior for any behavior at all that you can link with behaviors that you identify with the animal that you are attracted to. For instance, that person might get a similar look in their eyes when you let them talk about their favorite subject that your dog gets when you pick up a ball in preparation to play a game of fetch: obviously, they feel extremely good when they are talking about a favorite subject. Therefore, you can link "let my friend talk about their favorite subject" with "take my dog out to play fetch." From there, you progress with trying to find links until you have confirmed, in your mind, that humans...at least ones that do not make you feel threatened over your zooiness...are not really all that different from dogs. Keep telling yourself how similar they really are until it clicks in your head that your friend is in the same kin-group as your pet dog.
If I am right and if you try this little trick, then you will start seeing your friend's non-verbal language as clearly as if that person were your pet dog. In fact, you might come close to believing that your friend "has a dog's soul," even if you do not really literally believe that this is a fact. It would not be a literal belief, but it would be your acknowledgement of the fact that you have abolished a false illusion that had previously dwarfed your perception. Human friends in your kin-group would be just as transparent to you as your pet dog.
I am not sure that I am right, but if I am right, then this would constitute useful knowledge.
That's why I need advice ?
T
Tailo
Guest
I'm not qualified to come up with an answer myself (have been monogamous with my dog for too long), but I can share two recommendations I've read by others that seemed to make sense:
but that's where others have to chime in. And of course, if you look for love instead of casual sex, the above recommendations don't apply.
- Numbers are important: Ask two people, get rejected two times, have zero sex. Ask a hundred people, be unfortunate enough to be rejected 97% of the time and you'll still have sex with three people. Basically, don't fear rejection. Rejection isn't a problem. Fear of it is.
- Hire a prostitute where it is legal. (Also be respectful and clean and have the money ready in advance.)
but that's where others have to chime in. And of course, if you look for love instead of casual sex, the above recommendations don't apply.I'm not qualified to come up with an answer myself (have been monogamous with my dog for too long), but I can share two recommendations I've read by others that seemed to make sense:
I am sure how you approach someone can also have some influence on the result,
- Numbers are important: Ask two people, get rejected two times, have zero sex. Ask a hundred people, be unfortunate enough to be rejected 97% of the time and you'll still have sex with three people. Basically, don't fear rejection. Rejection isn't a problem. Fear of it is.
- Hire a prostitute where it is legal. (Also be respectful and clean and have the money ready in advance.)
I've already got love
I've asked plenty, I think it's my approach, I think I'm autistic so I have a hard time asking for what I want in a way 'normal' people find acceptable. My issue is I don't see a problem telling someone they're hot and if they'd like to fuck, if they didn't want to a no is fine but ik you can't really go ask people that
Espedus
BANNED
??????
Wasn't supposed to be funny, this is a legitimate issue for me that I've struggled with my whole life :/This thread ?
And BTW you're not alone either, I can't imagine going about trying to have sex either.
dartel
Prized Citizen of ZV
Moral of the story. It's an incredibly bad idea to just approach any random stranger and try to proposition them for sex. Not only is it not socially acceptable to do so, but you have no idea who will be insulted or even pissed off by such behavior and how they're react. From having the police called on you to out right punching your lights out.
It's utterly unacceptable to assume that any person would be ok with a random stranger trying to cold cock (get it, I made a pun of cold call) them.
Only try that in a place where it's expected, like grindr and its ilk or a nightclub/etc known for its 1 night stand acceptance.
You just repeated what I've already said, I already know it's not acceptable that's why I'm asking people who sleep with humans to help me? Like I said 'or worse' that's why I'm not in jail or a hospital I'm not dumb I'm socially stunted
dartel
Prized Citizen of ZV
I'm on the aspergers spectrum as well. As I said, restrict any such attempts only to peoples patronizing places or apps where such casual hookups are acceptable. Anywhere else is inviting a punch to the face or worse.
DatewithNine
Tourist
That's a tricky one. All depends on the people, but yeah, generally not advised to go asking people to fuck. (although it has happened to me and it was a good time)
Humans are far more complicated than other animals, our emotions are difficult to navigate through sometimes. I know you want to just skip the foreplay and get right to the fucking, but most people need to be seduced. Gotta show interest (you can tell people you think they're hot, or you like them) but outright asking them to fuck is risky (unless you're talking to them on a platform or a location that's sex themed like dating apps or the bar).
So what I'm trying to say is: take it slow, try to gauge the reaction they have towards you. You can accelerate it somewhat quickly if the reaction is positive, I know it's scary and difficult, but think of it this way: A tiger is an apex predator, and they apparently only successfully hunt ~1/20 times. so if you meet 20 people and connect with 1, you're doing as good as a TIGER.
Humans are far more complicated than other animals, our emotions are difficult to navigate through sometimes. I know you want to just skip the foreplay and get right to the fucking, but most people need to be seduced. Gotta show interest (you can tell people you think they're hot, or you like them) but outright asking them to fuck is risky (unless you're talking to them on a platform or a location that's sex themed like dating apps or the bar).
So what I'm trying to say is: take it slow, try to gauge the reaction they have towards you. You can accelerate it somewhat quickly if the reaction is positive, I know it's scary and difficult, but think of it this way: A tiger is an apex predator, and they apparently only successfully hunt ~1/20 times. so if you meet 20 people and connect with 1, you're doing as good as a TIGER.
sparkoflife
Tourist
Go to a bath house or adult theater. Assuming you're presenting as male once in a bath house all you have to do is sit down next another guy and put your hand on his thigh. If he says no thanks then keep looking around the place. If he smiles at you then it's fucking time. At an adult theater you can just sit and watch the show waiting for someone to approach you. Or go up to someone who is masturbating and offer your hands or mouth. Mostly theaters are guys only too but it's effortless access to dick of all kinds.
I can see peoples reactions, gauging them is another story ? I can't comprehend their expressions, verbal or otherwise UNLESS I've known them a long time or have seen them interact with other people and know how they felt about the encounter like a damn q and a. Only way I can know someone for long enough is working with them or family, so by force. How would you even go about it in an app?? like I said LEVEL ZERO lmao I need like a step by step ?? if I'm just a lost cause that's fine cuz I love my dog and I'll always have one in my life but would be nice
DatewithNine
Tourist
honestly, I had no clue either, it took years of trial and error (mostly error) to even be average at the whole seduction thing. A lot of the issue was confidence too, people respond well to confidence as long as it doesn't come across as cocky.
Connecting with people is hard, I won't say it isn't. I believe in you, and I'm sure you'll figure it out! just take it slow, nobody wants you to be too pushy, and be prepared for rejection, it will happen, probably a lot. I know it did to me.
Connecting with people is hard, I won't say it isn't. I believe in you, and I'm sure you'll figure it out! just take it slow, nobody wants you to be too pushy, and be prepared for rejection, it will happen, probably a lot. I know it did to me.
DatewithNine
Tourist
yeah sorry for the mixup, I was referring to the issues I had. I had lots of confidence issues.
Smee
Zooville Settler
your local dogging site?
Not trying to argue(not sure if it's coming across that way but I feel like I do sometimes) but I'm a grown adult, if I was young in school or something sure but no I'm a grown ass person. I'm very secure in myself my issue is I have no interest in connection just sex but don't know where/how to do it. Like grindr for example ok say I got grindr now what, ik people will message and you can send nudes and ask to meet but what's the etiquette if I want to meet. Sex clubs and bathhouses?? Big no I couldn't go into a building I've not been in before unless someone I knew is with me and only way Ik someone is work or family so my options as others said is risking jail, apps, bathhouses, adult theatres. So apps would be the best approach
DatewithNine
Tourist
I've never used grindr, or tinder for that matter, but I'm pretty sure the etiquette depends on the person. Some people you could open up with "hey want to fuck?" and they'd accept. others... well they'll just unmatch you, but that's pretty much worst case scenario on the app side of things.
However; when meeting a stranger off the internet it's best to meet in a public place first (coffee shop is a good one) to make sure they're who they say they are. From there you could go anywhere, even back to your own place or theirs. Just exercise caution when meeting strangers, who knows who they could turn out to be.