First time, conflicted rambling

[NeroNoName]

Just had my first experience about a week ago... I've been interested but not actively seeking to do anything specifically, just fantasized about it. My friend was watching after someone else's dog but had some urgent manners to take care of so I offered to help out for the day. Dog insisted on coming in the bathroom with me while I was about to take a shower, and I guess I just let things happen once he started trying to lick and hump me. I'm trans FTM, so I'm guessing he could spot my crotch being different now that I was nude? I've seen him a few times before, and he's never done it until now, and I hadn't thought of him that way. He didn't knot me or cum in me, I didn't let him mount me again once he got off to change positions. I guess I'm just feeling really conflicted now, because it feels immoral. It feels like I've sexually assaulted someone, and like I've broken the trust of my friend's friend. He doesn't act any different since the incident, spare for trying to hump me a couple of times once I finished showering afterwards, but stopped for good once I just kept growling for him to stop each time. Still, I'm constantly paranoid he will try to hump me again and everyone will know something happened. I'm not taking care of him anymore, but I did see him and his owner once since then. It just feels so wrong, how he acts like his old self. Does he remember what we did? Is it forever a memory attached to me? What's worst is that it feels like my mind's trying to block out the memory. I try to remember the details, and it feels like a distant dream. Only thing reminding me that it really happened are the scrapes he left on my side, which I'm terrified of someone ending up seeing. Those will fade once fully healed, right? If not, will people recognize what they're from? I'm also conflicted because during the act I realized it didn't really excite me. I just let it happen. But now I'm still curious how it would feel to get knotted, or to get mounted by a bigger dog. His cock was pretty much the size of my pointer finger. I dunno. I guess I'd feel better doing it if I knew it was a dog that has a lot of experience with humans and actively enjoys it. Just to get the final bits of curiousity over with.

 

[MrsShemon]

The dog made first move, not you. Yes you let it happen but that was very "consensual" from the dog. You have not violated anything.
The dog acts normal because they don't really go around pondering stuff, they just act.
He probably remembers but from what you write I think he won't try to mount you as long as you have your clothes on.
Scratches? Yes they will fade, might be a little stingy, burny, itchy for a while. If you are called out on them just say " I watched X's dog the other day, he jumped up on me trying to lick my face as I walked without a shirt, scratched me some jumping like that".
I will not start talking about canine anatomy and penises right now. You don't seem to want to take this further.
It happened, you can't change that. There is nothing wrong with you, the dog acted in a sexually agressive way and your submissive side went along. That is all it was.
I know your thoughts are not in order now, but it will sort itself out and you can move along from this like "nothing" happend.

Good luck and take care.

 

[NeroNoName]

The dog made first move, not you. Yes you let it happen but that was very "consensual" from the dog. You have not violated anything.
The dog acts normal because they don't really go around pondering stuff, they just act.
He probably remembers but from what you write I think he won't try to mount you as long as you have your clothes on.
Scratches? Yes they will fade, might be a little stingy, burny, itchy for a while. If you are called out on them just say " I watched X's dog the other day, he jumped up on me trying to lick my face as I walked without a shirt, scratched me some jumping like that".
I will not start talking about canine anatomy and penises right now. You don't seem to want to take this further.
It happened, you can't change that. There is nothing wrong with you, the dog acted in a sexually agressive way and your submissive side went along. That is all it was.
I know your thoughts are not in order now, but it will sort itself out and you can move along from this like "nothing" happend.

Good luck and take care.

Thank you so much for replying. I really should listen to myself, as deep down I know the answer to "do I want this or is it just fantasy" is the latter option, but seeing someone more experienced with this agreeing does help.

 

[MrsShemon]

Thank you so much for replying. I really should listen to myself, as deep down I know the answer to "do I want this or is it just fantasy" is the latter option, but seeing someone more experienced with this agreeing does help.

I did not have doubt about wanting to take this "all the way", you do. So as long as you feel like a fantasy is what you want it to stay as my advice is to have it as a fantasy from time to time and leave it there.
You are an experience richer, but you have no need to try to become a "zoo" because of a dog trying to mate with you one time.
It is very much okey to just move on and leave it as a secret experience and have some sexual fantasies.

 

[nekdoneco123]

good for you for not trying to take advantage of someone else's animal... it totally should feel immoral to do.

nothing beats having that first time with your own partner anyway, not having to worry if or how their behavior changes once they learn a human can be viable mate.

 

[temporaryacc]

The great thing is most people will not automatically assume it’s zoophilia related if he tries to hump you again. Some dogs are just that way (mine is) Likely, without you coming clean, no one will notice.

As other stated you did not rape the dog. So please do not let that eat you up.

I don’t suggest you trying to go any further with that particular pup. But I doubt you’d do that.

I’m sorry this is weighing on you, but that happens to a lot of good people well figuring stuff out sexually. You have strong morals and that will do you well for being a compassionate mate in the future.

Best of luck!