It just feels so impossible to find someone who fits my niche? Like even with the larger dating pool of being a bi/pansexual lady, it's kinda just feeling like settling for the closest match is the best I can do cause how shy I am? Just want someone to match with on all my weird interests n can hang with ~\\\\\\~
Exhausted with dating venting
- Thread starter DoughyDoe
- Start date
I'm sure that can be frustrating but don't give up and if settling for the closet match is the best you can do just try to be open so your match will know your true desires and that might work out for the best.
Didn't know that existed thanks :-3
I dunno if closest match will work for me? I feel so alienated if I can't gush about my weird things to someone and they gush back. It feels like the pre requisite to being a friend for me.
Lovek9s
Tourist
I've just joined myself but can't help thinking there's a lot of fake pics on there..some of those young girls are so pretty makes you wonder
it depends what are your desires. then according to your desires you need to find the place where most people are like that. by that you would increase you chances for a match.
just because they are pretty? you have many extremely pretty girls in the zoo world and you see it in the zoo porn, women who look like top models. love and sex is about chemistry. so why be surprised to find pretty girls there?
Typically 50% of photos/accounts on dating sites are fakes and 50% of the other half are photoshopped. It doesn't pay to be honest on a dating site, you are a product you are trying to sell so you use some marketing skills to up the value of said product. There's been MANY studies does on dating sites about this topic.
D
Deleted member 36062
Guest
Remember Ashley Madison and how that was completely fake!?
Pulsingdogcum
Tourist
Me ex was a published model, hot as hell, she was into fucking dogs , haaard...
If we were still together, I’d have endless videos to share as she wanted SO badly to be posted.
hopefully one day lmao. And I’m a straight male, so I could only imagine OP’s pain trying to find someone more compatible.
They’re out there! I might check that site too..
K9GuyinTX
Citizen of Zooville
I can completely identify with the OP's circumstances. It is exceptionally difficult to move this from the digital world to the real world for one thing and even more challenging to find a human mate that matches you on other aspects that are critical in the health and success of a "real" relationship. Add to this the point that @FeralGuy is making in that there are a lot of people on these sites with ulterior motives that often grossly and fraudulently misrepresent themselves on their profile and even in one on one chats. I am sure our female friends have fallen victim to this phenomenon more than we guys have but I also suspect that they are also much better at sniffing this out than we are. I certainly don't agree that a pretty girl in a profile picture is clear evidence of a fake as this site alone has shown us many verifiable beautiful women who share in the love of animals. However, it does raise one's BS meter a bit at first glance. All that to say I hear you @DoughyDoe and I wish you much success and happiness in your pursuit.
Thanks for the comprehensive response I appreciate it and wish you luck too~ I think my best bet is to just make a thread sorta advertising whoever would wanna be friends with me here? Since being a zoo is my most vulnerable interest followed by loving gore horror and some niche anime and I guess being fairly deviant too. Dating sites are too sketch for me cause of all the reasons above and others.
timmythetooth
Zooville Settler
shoot that sounds pretty awesome already, gotta start with making friends first, everything else will follow
B
BlueBeard
Guest
Just 2 cents from an old fart but... the old "white hair" advice is, "Stop looking for a perfect match and make one."
Sometimes it can seem that we're "running out of time" to find the right person. The right person isn't "found." The right person "becomes."
The "rightness" of my wife, for instance, deepens day by day. I wouldn't say that the moment we first met we were *right* for each other. In fact, I think there were probably a lot of things we found disturbing about each other. Actually, I can suddenly recall them... they're streaming through my mind right now. OH god... now it's like someone turned a leaf blower on my rollodex... TONS of differences.
Those worked out.
I don't believe in "star crossed lovers," or the "perfect match." Not in a random meet up, no. But ... there was a, "she's interesting... I want to know her a little better... something about her... don't know exactly what it is... but... I kind of dig her, even though she's pagan and I'm Catholic... even though she believes in magic and I don't... Even though I was a stodgy monogamous straight guy (at the time) and she was a lusty pansexual goddess of nature. For her, sex made any relationship better. That concept horrified me. We could never be a match. No way.
So it wasn't a case of, "That there is the girl I'm gonna marry! I FOUND her!"
But that's just me, maybe. I was comfortable being a bachelor and no intention of letting some woman have access to my wealth and well-being, strained even though they be. Again, I mean. I had been married before.
Know what was wrong with the first marriage? I married her because the clock was ticking. I was terrified I might end up living life alone. Might be my only chance, you know. I felt pressure to latch on. I had a family to start, a home to buy, etc., etc. And that was a totally fucked up plan. I had scripted out the whole thing, heavy-handedly, and it imploded like the hollow building it turned out to be.
After the dust from that shitstorm settled, I had only one plan: Be ME! Be independently me. Don't need anyone. And fuck it... let the story of my life tell itself to me, rather than have me mashing it down on granite with a hammer. Let it unfold.
And that made all the difference. Suddenly I found out that being a well adjusted, sane person who is just out to kick back and enjoy the moment ... whether alone or with somebody ... makes you a 100 times more attractive to other people. You're not carrying around baggage. You're fun to be with. And you're not ... needy. You're not clingy. You're not on a "mission to hook up." You're just... chill.
Then it's no longer a matter of hunting for a partner. It's just a matter of sorting the suitable suitor candidates out!
Seriously, though. When I met my wife, I didn't know she was The one. And she didn't know I was The One for her. In FACT... we were just gelling as friends. We became deep friends. And I promised that when she found The One, I'd bake the cake and sing at the wedding.
And then I saw slug after slug that she was dating. I told her she couldn't accept a man who didn't see who for who she was, who didn't see her with *my* eyes.
It only slowly occurred to us, after a good long time, learning who the other was, being more and more intimately familiar with the aspirations and goals each of us had... that ... holy shit ... what happened? What had we become to each other?
And STILL we weren't a "match." Well. Not like what we are today. That was 14 years ago.
And the "match" that we are today? I am very confident at this point that it won't hold a flame to the match we are tomorrow.
We BECOME a match for a person, and they become a match for us.
We don't just find one. We're not two checklists that, held up side by side, all the checked boxes have to match. Who I was *back then* has evolved to who I am today. I am not a stodgy, monogamous, straight-only, old fart. Oh man, have I changed. But ... she's changed, too. And it's all in good ways. Better ways. I couldn't IMAGINE being better than I was, as I was, back then. But looking back, I wouldn't go back to that again, ever. No way no how.
And I know she wouldn't trade who she has become for that "ghost of her past," either. We BECAME who we are today. And now... we match.
The only requirement I can think of to start that process of becoming is... that you like the other person. And they like you. Just, genuinely like you. Care about your happiness. The worst thing that happens is that you become deep friends, secret keepers, best buds. And that ain't all bad. You can get pretty far ahead, happiness-wise, just with that, needing nothing more.
But who knows? The closer two people become to each other... the more they influence each other.
It's a risky thing. Play it by ear. Don't overwork the story. Let it unfold. And ... let it take you by surprise.
IMHO, TIFWIW
... Whether you buy that or not, think it's a load of shit or sound advice that reassures you, brings you some relief, I wish you good luck on your quest and happiness every day, no matter if it's alone or becoming the match with someone.
Bluebeard
Sometimes it can seem that we're "running out of time" to find the right person. The right person isn't "found." The right person "becomes."
The "rightness" of my wife, for instance, deepens day by day. I wouldn't say that the moment we first met we were *right* for each other. In fact, I think there were probably a lot of things we found disturbing about each other. Actually, I can suddenly recall them... they're streaming through my mind right now. OH god... now it's like someone turned a leaf blower on my rollodex... TONS of differences.
Those worked out.
I don't believe in "star crossed lovers," or the "perfect match." Not in a random meet up, no. But ... there was a, "she's interesting... I want to know her a little better... something about her... don't know exactly what it is... but... I kind of dig her, even though she's pagan and I'm Catholic... even though she believes in magic and I don't... Even though I was a stodgy monogamous straight guy (at the time) and she was a lusty pansexual goddess of nature. For her, sex made any relationship better. That concept horrified me. We could never be a match. No way.
So it wasn't a case of, "That there is the girl I'm gonna marry! I FOUND her!"
But that's just me, maybe. I was comfortable being a bachelor and no intention of letting some woman have access to my wealth and well-being, strained even though they be. Again, I mean. I had been married before.
Know what was wrong with the first marriage? I married her because the clock was ticking. I was terrified I might end up living life alone. Might be my only chance, you know. I felt pressure to latch on. I had a family to start, a home to buy, etc., etc. And that was a totally fucked up plan. I had scripted out the whole thing, heavy-handedly, and it imploded like the hollow building it turned out to be.
After the dust from that shitstorm settled, I had only one plan: Be ME! Be independently me. Don't need anyone. And fuck it... let the story of my life tell itself to me, rather than have me mashing it down on granite with a hammer. Let it unfold.
And that made all the difference. Suddenly I found out that being a well adjusted, sane person who is just out to kick back and enjoy the moment ... whether alone or with somebody ... makes you a 100 times more attractive to other people. You're not carrying around baggage. You're fun to be with. And you're not ... needy. You're not clingy. You're not on a "mission to hook up." You're just... chill.
Then it's no longer a matter of hunting for a partner. It's just a matter of sorting the suitable suitor candidates out!
Seriously, though. When I met my wife, I didn't know she was The one. And she didn't know I was The One for her. In FACT... we were just gelling as friends. We became deep friends. And I promised that when she found The One, I'd bake the cake and sing at the wedding.
And then I saw slug after slug that she was dating. I told her she couldn't accept a man who didn't see who for who she was, who didn't see her with *my* eyes.
It only slowly occurred to us, after a good long time, learning who the other was, being more and more intimately familiar with the aspirations and goals each of us had... that ... holy shit ... what happened? What had we become to each other?
And STILL we weren't a "match." Well. Not like what we are today. That was 14 years ago.
And the "match" that we are today? I am very confident at this point that it won't hold a flame to the match we are tomorrow.
We BECOME a match for a person, and they become a match for us.
We don't just find one. We're not two checklists that, held up side by side, all the checked boxes have to match. Who I was *back then* has evolved to who I am today. I am not a stodgy, monogamous, straight-only, old fart. Oh man, have I changed. But ... she's changed, too. And it's all in good ways. Better ways. I couldn't IMAGINE being better than I was, as I was, back then. But looking back, I wouldn't go back to that again, ever. No way no how.
And I know she wouldn't trade who she has become for that "ghost of her past," either. We BECAME who we are today. And now... we match.
The only requirement I can think of to start that process of becoming is... that you like the other person. And they like you. Just, genuinely like you. Care about your happiness. The worst thing that happens is that you become deep friends, secret keepers, best buds. And that ain't all bad. You can get pretty far ahead, happiness-wise, just with that, needing nothing more.
But who knows? The closer two people become to each other... the more they influence each other.
It's a risky thing. Play it by ear. Don't overwork the story. Let it unfold. And ... let it take you by surprise.
IMHO, TIFWIW
... Whether you buy that or not, think it's a load of shit or sound advice that reassures you, brings you some relief, I wish you good luck on your quest and happiness every day, no matter if it's alone or becoming the match with someone.
Bluebeard
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K9GuyinTX
Citizen of Zooville
Wow. Well said @BlueBeard . I am so very pleased to hear that you found a mate that you can be YOU with.
Tgzoogirl
BANNED
No shit. Why is it so hard?
I always thought that being pansexual and open minded and poly would make it easier but it's actually the opposite. It's like the more labels we use that doesn't match societies paradigms of "normal" is another notch against us and makes it more lonely.
B
BlueBeard
Guest
It's why my wife and I stopped labeling ourselves. We are only "us." And we *definitely* aren't limiting who we are to merely sexual roles or interests. Those come and go and morph. And have. Often.
We've also about had it with people who wear those labels so loudly that they're deafening. We've got those same interests as well, but to meet someone who can't talk about anything else.... holy crap. "Ain't nobody got time for that."
Tgzoogirl
BANNED
That's awesome to me.
going to happen everywhere where this is a thing unfortunately.
Bloodwolf
Dumpster Diver
I haven’t dated much my self but if I was going to add to the post. I’d say trust is a big one for me. I need to known someone has my back when and if shit gets real. The ones I was with didn’t have my six they had 13 coils around my neck and a foot on the chair. Now that I’m at amends with being zoo it makes it that much harder. When shit gos south there are a lot of things hidden that can be used as ammo if you don’t work out with someone. It’s a hard reality.
Wolfdogowner
Tourist
I'm in that same boat. It's really hard to find someone I can be comfortable with to gush to about all my weird/nerdy things. I'm always so worried I'm boring them so I just stop.
Z
ZooGuyCurious
Guest
Just 2 cents from an old fart but... the old "white hair" advice is, "Stop looking for a perfect match and make one."
Sometimes it can seem that we're "running out of time" to find the right person. The right person isn't "found." The right person "becomes."
The "rightness" of my wife, for instance, deepens day by day. I wouldn't say that the moment we first met we were *right* for each other. In fact, I think there were probably a lot of things we found disturbing about each other. Actually, I can suddenly recall them... they're streaming through my mind right now. OH god... now it's like someone turned a leaf blower on my rollodex... TONS of differences.
Those worked out.
I don't believe in "star crossed lovers," or the "perfect match." Not in a random meet up, no. But ... there was a, "she's interesting... I want to know her a little better... something about her... don't know exactly what it is... but... I kind of dig her, even though she's pagan and I'm Catholic... even though she believes in magic and I don't... Even though I was a stodgy monogamous straight guy (at the time) and she was a lusty pansexual goddess of nature. For her, sex made any relationship better. That concept horrified me. We could never be a match. No way.
So it wasn't a case of, "That there is the girl I'm gonna marry! I FOUND her!"
But that's just me, maybe. I was comfortable being a bachelor and no intention of letting some woman have access to my wealth and well-being, strained even though they be. Again, I mean. I had been married before.
Know what was wrong with the first marriage? I married her because the clock was ticking. I was terrified I might end up living life alone. Might be my only chance, you know. I felt pressure to latch on. I had a family to start, a home to buy, etc., etc. And that was a totally fucked up plan. I had scripted out the whole thing, heavy-handedly, and it imploded like the hollow building it turned out to be.
After the dust from that shitstorm settled, I had only one plan: Be ME! Be independently me. Don't need anyone. And fuck it... let the story of my life tell itself to me, rather than have me mashing it down on granite with a hammer. Let it unfold.
And that made all the difference. Suddenly I found out that being a well adjusted, sane person who is just out to kick back and enjoy the moment ... whether alone or with somebody ... makes you a 100 times more attractive to other people. You're not carrying around baggage. You're fun to be with. And you're not ... needy. You're not clingy. You're not on a "mission to hook up." You're just... chill.
Then it's no longer a matter of hunting for a partner. It's just a matter of sorting the suitable suitor candidates out!
Seriously, though. When I met my wife, I didn't know she was The one. And she didn't know I was The One for her. In FACT... we were just gelling as friends. We became deep friends. And I promised that when she found The One, I'd bake the cake and sing at the wedding.
And then I saw slug after slug that she was dating. I told her she couldn't accept a man who didn't see who for who she was, who didn't see her with *my* eyes.
It only slowly occurred to us, after a good long time, learning who the other was, being more and more intimately familiar with the aspirations and goals each of us had... that ... holy shit ... what happened? What had we become to each other?
And STILL we weren't a "match." Well. Not like what we are today. That was 14 years ago.
And the "match" that we are today? I am very confident at this point that it won't hold a flame to the match we are tomorrow.
We BECOME a match for a person, and they become a match for us.
We don't just find one. We're not two checklists that, held up side by side, all the checked boxes have to match. Who I was *back then* has evolved to who I am today. I am not a stodgy, monogamous, straight-only, old fart. Oh man, have I changed. But ... she's changed, too. And it's all in good ways. Better ways. I couldn't IMAGINE being better than I was, as I was, back then. But looking back, I wouldn't go back to that again, ever. No way no how.
And I know she wouldn't trade who she has become for that "ghost of her past," either. We BECAME who we are today. And now... we match.
The only requirement I can think of to start that process of becoming is... that you like the other person. And they like you. Just, genuinely like you. Care about your happiness. The worst thing that happens is that you become deep friends, secret keepers, best buds. And that ain't all bad. You can get pretty far ahead, happiness-wise, just with that, needing nothing more.
But who knows? The closer two people become to each other... the more they influence each other.
It's a risky thing. Play it by ear. Don't overwork the story. Let it unfold. And ... let it take you by surprise.
IMHO, TIFWIW
... Whether you buy that or not, think it's a load of shit or sound advice that reassures you, brings you some relief, I wish you good luck on your quest and happiness every day, no matter if it's alone or becoming the match with someone.
Bluebeard
Agreed. But to shorten what you're saying up, basically just find a partner willing to sexually explore with you. Having an open minded partner is key for zoo dating. Recently split with a decent girl over kinks and level of sex drive (didn't even get to the zoo part!) we ended things amicably but I feel that I was way too much to handle for her lol
Too much to handle? No way.
There's no "Mister or Miss Right" only "Mister or Miss Right Now". Most people have flaws and many of them have learned to hide them till you really get to know them. I honestly suggest limiting your expectation and look for a "friend" before a "lover/partner" as going into a relationship with some one expecting them to "be the one" is foolish. Ya, we're in the age of hook-up culture but that just means hook-up and move on. I did that in my late 20's, met single moms online, hooked up a couple times, moved on. But finding some one special isn't about checking boxes on a list in a profile, your looking for some one, not shopping. Have a pool of friends and become close to them first, see who's compatible, move on from there; sort of like job interviews. Either that or donate money to companies like RealDoll or any other place working on robot companions as that will be the only way to find a perfect partner. Relationships are about compromise, putting up with the bad things in order to enjoy the good things.
Though I'm not sure how much worth all that babble is from me, just the things I always hear the "experts" saying. Wishing you all the best of luck with it.
Though I'm not sure how much worth all that babble is from me, just the things I always hear the "experts" saying. Wishing you all the best of luck with it.
B
BlueBeard
Guest
Naw, that's skipping my main point. In fact, runs kinda contrary to it. I agree so far as to say, yeah, don't hook up with an icicle, sexually (not to put down anyone who's *into* icicle sex). But how many of those are there left? Most of the world is accepting. So many people are more fluid sexually, interesting and interested, than ever before.
So no. I really wasn't saying find someone willing to experiment sexually with you first. In this day and age? How can that be the hardest part? Imagine for a second what it was like being bisexual or pan sexual or zoosexual 30 to 40 years ago? It's actually way easier today to find people who *say* they are a sexual match, especially since 1992, the advent of the Internet. The first Usenet groups almost immediately include alt.sex, alt.sex.gay, alt.sex.dog ... alt.sex.hampster (LOL!!! I've NEVER understood that one!!!). Before the Internet... silence. Isolation. Secrets.
But now, the Internet's revelation that there really *are* more like us out there has some people treating it like playing Husker Du. They're frustrated they're having to turn over so many pieces but not finding perfect matches.
Well, that's unrealistic -- unless they invent a version of that game in which no two pieces are alike until you've turned them over together again and again, each of them beginning to look more like the other the more time they spend together.
It's much easier today to find a sex partner. Much harder to find a life partner. But that aspect of being human, that's nothing new. It's as hard to find someone you want to wake up with as it ever was, someone who feels the same thing back for you. That part of love hasn't changed. Probably never will.
Just ... don't rule someone out because that person doesn't match you sexually.... yet. If you're really interested in someone, and they seem interested in you, each of you really fascinated by the other, don't say, "Well, shit. So close. If only you liked to .... [whatever... suck dog dick? Have bisexual threesomes? Orgies?] ... you and I would have been able to fall in love. Darn."
Dating is only exhausting if it becomes a Husker Du mission. Why not just enjoy dating for dating? And the only reason dating should tire you out -- is because you had too much fun!
Old farts have this luxury, talking as if they never felt the same thing when they were younger. But I did. I do remember. I wish I knew back then what I know know. For me the frustration is not being able to pass it on.
Sorry OP. Not sure I'm offering anything consoling. Maybe nothing in this resonates with you, isn't applicable. Probably just talking to myself. I do that a lot more lately. Please forgive.
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Dogboy_UK
Tourist
Even finding a girl for "normal" sex is hard enough, let alone a girl who is receptive to other, more diverse interests. It's really frustrating to read posts or articles in the media from girls who "can't find a nice guy to date", when there are literally thousands of us out there just longing to meet a girl.
I know there are nice guys out there but they may not be the nice guy for me since I am incredibly fragile emotionally, I don't think I can agree with the people talking about making someone the person I want to be with? I don't have the most sound argument cause I haven't slept yet and am tired af, but it's just like a gut feeling where there are some things I'm willing to compromise on and something's I'm not. :-3 I like all this discussion tho~