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"Coming out"

nyaanekoneon

nyaanekoneon

Tourist
So, I made the prideful and probably dumbest decision ever to come out to my parents about being a zoophile.

It kind of came up in discussion as "we don't care what you do in your sex life except for such and such", and I felt the urge to defend myself. I hadn't at all planned on telling them. I felt like it was taking a stand against stigma in my own way so I don't exactly regret it.

It's essentially resulted in my having to hide parts of my personal life from them and now they are not welcome in my home due to their discomfort with it. They said they may report it if they knew so that freaked me out. So now there will always be a "second life" of mine which really sucks. I can't imagine being torn apart from my companion / lover, that would break my heart, and if they were to raise a fuss it likely would have legal consequences for me which would make me feel terrible since I know for myself that I'm an ethical person and would never do anything to harm another living being.

I just wanted to share my story with others, and maybe others have had similar circumstances they could share?
 
It's an unfortunate reality that I don't think it will ever be accepted in the way LGBT+ matters are. It's just nice to have things like this forum existing. :)
 
For the OP:
Why unload that on people who aren't remotely capable of understanding and accepting this? All you did was create stress for them, and a boundary that you can never recross. They will now spend bad nights wondering where THEY did wrong, and why they failed as parents. They didn't, but no one, especially you, is ever going to be able to tell them different.

It's done. Don't discount the possible reporting. Just because they are family doesnt mean it will blow over. Half the cases I've seen make the papers in the past 60 years were reported by family members, blood-kin as well as step-kin. The pages and pages of stories like yours on these threads leads me to believe you aren't a reader but read the threads anyway....Then ask some one for a sharp kick in the shins. Most would oblige without knowing why.
 
saddlebum66 said:
For the OP:
Why unload that on people who aren't remotely capable of understanding and accepting this? All you did was create stress for them, and a boundary that you can never recross. They will now spend bad nights wondering where THEY did wrong, and why they failed as parents. They didn't, but no one, especially you, is ever going to be able to tell them different.

It's done. Don't discount the possible reporting. Just because they are family doesnt mean it will blow over. Half the cases I've seen make the papers in the past 60 years were reported by family members, blood-kin as well as step-kin. The pages and pages of stories like yours on these threads leads me to believe you aren't a reader but read the threads anyway....Then ask some one for a sharp kick in the shins. Most would oblige without knowing why.
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I could have kept my silence, but I have a voice and a right to defend myself if I choose. I am not accountable for whatever distress they may feel, the discomfort is theirs alone. They did show an extent of understanding and concern, which was nice. The consequences of disapproval are difficult to bear, and I do not have the emotional strength to consistently debate and fight stigma, especially with strangers, but I do not regret having a moment of vulnerability and showing authenticity with my loved ones.
 
They did not make you what you are, but you made your problems theirs. You may have gotten lucky with the response, or they may be really good at faking it. You'll probably never know which. Sorry, but just because you "have a voice" doesn't mean you must share your chosen sexlife with your parents....they didn't share theirs with you. You did them a serious disservice as a "thank you". It was heartless.
You are indeed responsible for the distress...you caused it. Any futher discussion probably belongs in the DF
 
Whoever you are, @EvilPossum, why do you think people aren't responsible for the things they say and do? I don't care if youre angry, pal....I stand behind what I said. Your problems are YOURS, and belong to no one else. Don't like it? Thats another "Your Problem".
 
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I agree that any further discussion around this would belong in the debate forum, I intended this topic to be around if others have had similar experiences so they could share.
 
@nyaanekoneon

I too have 'come out' to my immediate family. I decided to after my girlfriend accidentally found out from reading my journal. I had been hiding it from her for the fist year we were dating, and I decided that I wanted to take ownership over the decision to express that I had sexual experiences and interest with animals. I also was sick of hiding, it had been eroding my relationships with her and my family.

I told my sister first. My girlfriend and I had been fighting about it and my sister asked how I was. I truthfully told her how my girlfriend and I were locked in conflicts over zoosexuality and how it was painful for me. I told my sister about my views about zoosexuality, and my GF's. She then told my brother before I had the chance to tell him. I would have greatly preferred to tell him first, and he was distraught over it. My sister sent me a letter saying she was cutting her ties to me, and although my brother has not sent anything like that, he has not been in touch. I am not sure if he will be again.

I told my dad shortly after telling my siblings. He listened to me thoughtfully, and while I don't think he agrees or condones zoosex we are on the same loving relationship terms as before. However, I am concerned that zoosexuality has become an 'elephant in the room' with us (at least it feels like that to me) along with my prior cannabis use.

Yes, the cut family ties are painful, and it's hard to cope with sometimes. I am extremely thankful my dad being here for me still. Despite the emotional hardship, I also feel no regret for sharing. I found out who my family really is on those days.

You are not responsible for your family's feelings. You have every right to express yourself to who you choose. Revealing oneself as a zoophile/zoosexual is an extremely brave and vulnerable act of radical honesty and I commend you to standing up for your convictions and for your courage.

As part of my own experiences I too made a couple of posts similar to yours - asking about others experiences and I wound up getting rather angry and heated responses from some people, saying that I had fucked up and that it was my fault for making other people feel bad. I don't think it has to be like that though. I think we can support each other in our decisions, whether it is to stay silent or be vocal. I'm also grateful for this forum too!
 
wood_thrush said:
@nyaanekoneon

I too have 'come out' to my immediate family. I decided to after my girlfriend accidentally found out from reading my journal. I had been hiding it from her for the fist year we were dating, and I decided that I wanted to take ownership over the decision to express that I had sexual experiences and interest with animals. I also was sick of hiding, it had been eroding my relationships with her and my family.

I told my sister first. My girlfriend and I had been fighting about it and my sister asked how I was. I truthfully told her how my girlfriend and I were locked in conflicts over zoosexuality and how it was painful for me. I told my sister about my views about zoosexuality, and my GF's. She then told my brother before I had the chance to tell him. I would have greatly preferred to tell him first, and he was distraught over it. My sister sent me a letter saying she was cutting her ties to me, and although my brother has not sent anything like that, he has not been in touch. I am not sure if he will be again.

I told my dad shortly after telling my siblings. He listened to me thoughtfully, and while I don't think he agrees or condones zoosex we are on the same loving relationship terms as before. However, I am concerned that zoosexuality has become an 'elephant in the room' with us (at least it feels like that to me) along with my prior cannabis use.

Yes, the cut family ties are painful, and it's hard to cope with sometimes. I am extremely thankful my dad being here for me still. Despite the emotional hardship, I also feel no regret for sharing. I found out who my family really is on those days.

You are not responsible for your family's feelings. You have every right to express yourself to who you choose. Revealing oneself as a zoophile/zoosexual is an extremely brave and vulnerable act of radical honesty and I commend you to standing up for your convictions and for your courage.

As part of my own experiences I too made a couple of posts similar to yours - asking about others experiences and I wound up getting rather angry and heated responses from some people, saying that I had fucked up and that it was my fault for making other people feel bad. I don't think it has to be like that though. I think we can support each other in our decisions, whether it is to stay silent or be vocal. I'm also grateful for this forum too!
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Thank you so much for sharing. You have gone through a lot. That must have been hard that she found out through a letter since it wasn't on your own time that things were exposed. My parents did something similar to how your sister told your brother, not around zoophilia, but around drug use. My parents told my grandmother about the drugs I was using and they had promised me they would keep it to themselves. I felt really betrayed since I wanted to tell her on my own terms. They've promised not to tell anyone about me being a zoophile, but I can't actually trust their word anymore since they already broke a similar topic which was supposed to be confidential. I hope that if you do still use cannabis that your dad doesn't shame you on that still.

Thank you for your kind words, you are also very brave and being vulnerable is an act of courage I believe. Many people in history have been persecuted for defending what they know to be right, including many religious figures and in recent history, especially around racism and homophobia / transphobia. I don't think it's likely the world will become accepting of zoophiles, at least not likely in our lifetime. I take comfort and find it so inspiring that people will give up their luxuries, family, loved ones, and in some cases even their own lives to defend their values and dignity.
 
Just because they are blood does not make one family, many suffer the illusion the inverse is true, once you realize that things get much easier in life.

Being zoo, is abnormal, simple fact learn to deal with it as reality doesn't care how we feel about it, in nature it is abnormal as well the deer won't care, but other humans in human civilization will. As the LGB is learning the hard way rubbing it in others faces never goes well, just stop, no one needs to know about what you do other then some one you're going to make a life long commitment with.

Privacy is your friend, strong privacy laws are your friend.

Zoo's and the alphabet cult can exist comfortably in a stable society, so lets fight for strong healthy privacy laws, small very limited government, strong property laws, as the Normal greater majority will more oft readily agree with those, in time as society will grow and learn, till then focuse on keeping your self healthy and protected.
 
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