As zoo's what's the best advice we can give each other over gaslighters?

[incubusyiff]

gaslighting ?
A lot can be said here about a lot of different people under a lot of different concepts with this category as well?

 

[sarahsingletono98]

do not take things personal unless they are directed at you personally. come from a position of strength - if someone comes at you personally with gaslighting; take it back to them with a flood. extinguish the flame before the gaslight becomes a wild fire.

Most gas lighting comes in the areas of our beliefs. That is not the same as a personal attack. People are going to not agree with your beliefs. In those cases, spend 5 minutes of 10 replies. If they do no waiver, just understand they are set in their ways - right or wrong. "you can lead a horse to water ..."
Once you reach that point, put them on ignore.

 

[Mesond]

Gaslighting comes in many forms.

Gaslighting and ignoring are two very different things. To ignore is to not be in control. At that point you don't look at the game board anymore. If they know every move and you do not then who do you think has the advantage? Check. Your move.

How do misunderstandings happen? Because of assumptions. It's the only way people can work themselves up. Note: I am saying "Work themselves up." Not "They work you up." This detail is crucial. This is the key detail. You're your own worst enemy. Hence the Sun Tzu quotes.

You might call degrading gaslighting. Maybe it is, but if it gets the truth from people then so what? If they are the ones admitting what they do then it covers accountability. Better be honest actions though. Not "Just what they think I want to hear". It's all going to depend on the "how". Context. If you assume gaslighting is something that is "only bad" then that's your black and white thinking. That's your own closed mind.

I'll give you an example of "positive" gaslighting. I came across this suicidal person once. He was trying to convince himself it would be "Better for others". I had to stop that. Told him straight. It's their own pain and grief. It made me the target. Get someone angry and they are distracted. About a week later they found a mate to be with. All because I let myself be a target. So I just kept doing that since then. It's been leading to some very interesting situations. I was an idiot for being afraid of it all in the past.

Now I can look at a bully and unnerve then with a stare. Gaslighting? Sure. But if it unsettles a bully then who has the power there? You deal with problems by FACING them.

Turn your back, flee, run away, and that's not just weakness. That's cowardice. A ruthless monster can protect and defend you until the death if you are weak. But if you're a coward? At that point you're just too dishonest and too inconsiderate. At that point are you even worth being a target? It's either that or you are treated as if you are nothing. Which is worse?

Perhaps being a target isn't such a bad thing then.